Thursday, October 3, 2013

Confessions of a No Filtered Padres Blogger

Some of you have tweeted me to ask why I stopped writing mid-season, which was just weird because I didn't think anyone actually read this or gave a shit about it. Either way, the answer is simple, I was no longer having fun with this, Twitter, the Padres and everything in between. You kind of lose any motivation you had when your team plays like shit and people you considered friends go out of their way to be an asshole to you while your world feels like it's falling apart. With that said, I kept trying to convince myself that I would start writing again before the regular season ended and well, it's now the postseason. Oops.

As I said, I was no longer having fun doing this. Part of that was because of all the shit that I'm failing miserably at dealing with in my personal life (no thanks to the aforementioned friends) and the other part was because I was tired of the redundancy. Every post was the Padres suck this or the Padres suck that. Those are the most annoying things to write after the first gazillion times, especially when the Padres went from being so close to first to being in last and eventually tying for third. Another thing that caused me to essentially give up on this was the constant bickering between fans that flooded my Twitter timeline. Arguments from grown ass men about a players nickname, whether or not a player was hurt worse than what the Padres training staff initially said (which they were by the way and yours truly announced it but you know, I was wrong because I'm just a girl that doesn't know shit about injuries because it's not like I studied that stuff and have a weird fascination with it or anything) and how not going to every game doesn't make you a real fan. It was so ridiculous that I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Yes, there were definite troll moments in there but I repeat, GROWN ASS MEN. Mix a difficult year with shitty playing and arguing over trivial things and you get a nonexistent blog... or an extremely negative blog and I had enough with the negativity so I opted out.

I wish I was able to put aside my moods, the idiocy of grown men arguing and everything else in order to focus on the Padres but I couldn't. To put it this way, between all of that I started to really hate my fellow Padres fans. I've joked before that we are bitter assholes because San Diego doesn't win anything ever but it has proved truer than true this year. I couldn't handle the constant bashing of Puig for the sole reason that he got national attention for having a legit season as a Dodger. That was so ridiculous that I wanted to punch people in the throat. Things like that pushed me away from being a Padres fan and to just being a fan of the game. Screw what team a person plays for, if they are talented I'm going to cheer for them. Well, maybe not necessarily cheer for them but I won't hate them and if you hate them solely based off the uniform they're wearing then I will like them that much more... I'm kind of a bitch like that. You know damn well all the praise Puig received was deserved and you would not act that way if he had Padres written across his chest instead. Now that doesn't mean I'll be cheering for the Dodgers in the postseason because well, I'd rather die than ever do that. Another thing that made me hate fellow Padres fans was the constant comments about Sandoval being fat. Yes, we know he's fat but let's see you make the plays he does. If you follow my twitter you know that I have this weird thing with people being overweight. I hate it and think it's disgusting that people let that happen to themselves but stop trying to talk shit about an athlete that can out perform you or your team just because he's fat. It's a little thing called respecting the talent, you should probably try it. I for one am not really a Sandoval fan but I recognize the talent, respect it and wouldn't mind it one bit if he were on our team.

Now that I've sufficiently annoyed myself by doing exactly what made me stop writing to begin with, complaining, I'll try to get back on a Padres track. This season had ups and downs and injuries all around. Chase turned out to be playing with a torn meniscus which just pisses me off to an extreme. Why risk further injury when your team is nowhere near being in the playoffs?! I'd rather you get the surgery and give us a chance at a better draft pick than you fucking up your knee or what have you just because you're a stubborn athlete that wants to play. Same goes with Marquis. I find it extremely hard to believe that he just magically needed Tommy John surgery. Stop playing through the pain when games are meaningless. Not that I condone playing through the pain when they aren't meaningless but at least you don't look like a giant idiot when you do so and the games mean a chance at the World Series... though at that point, I'd rather you be healthy for the WS than fuck yourself up worse and not be of use for the playoffs/WS but who am I kidding, it's the Padres, it will take some time before we get there.

Cory has had more setbacks than we would like and that is heartbreaking. I pray that he is ready for spring training and will be able to be a solid part of the starting rotation next season because like I've said countless times before, you can't win games without pitching. We desperately need a solid pitching staff. Oh yeah, thank you baby Jesus that we let Volquez go. Though between Grandal's suspension and season ending injury, Alonso's injuries and letting Volquez go, it's really proving me right about that stupid trade. Especially since we saw what Medica was able to do when he got called up and Blanks when he was healthy. I still don't think the trade was worth it but what am I going to do?? I'll still go to games and cheer on the players because they are Padres and I'm obligated to. Anyway, Kotsay retired at seasons end which is very disappointing for my sister who just discovered him and couldn't figure out why no one told her how hot he was. True story, I got texts about that. Oh yeah and Quentin had his gazillionth knee surgery too and Maybin had wrist surgery. This damn team is made out of glass.

All in all, I'm glad this season is over with but I'm not quite sure I'm ready for next season to start. I need a significant improvement in my mood and a thorough cleansing of my Twitter feed before I can even think about next season. As for now, I'll try to enjoy the postseason. If we're lucky, I might pay attention to off season news and write about that or just grace you with the presence of a random post about how I'm going through baseball withdrawals. Baseball withdrawals are a real and serious matter, folks. Seek medical attention, or your nearest baseball fan, immediately if you're experiencing baseball withdrawals. Side effects may include; complaining that your football team only plays once a week or has a bye, watching hockey or basketball to get your daily sports fix, staring out the window waiting for spring to come and making deals with the baseball gods just so you can have the smell of freshly cut grass fill the air again.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Injury Bug Strikes Again

60 day DL is baseball for your season is done... But wait, Yasmani only sprained his knee. BULL FUCKING SHIT. For one, you don't have that much pain in your face as he did after he got hit with a sprain. Two, you can put weight on a sprain, though uncomfortable, and don't need to be carried off without that leg touching the ground. Notice how every other person that has sprained anything in their leg, limps. There was no attempt of that. For three, if it was just a sprain they would have left it as saying he sprained his knee and not that he has knee damage. Damage to me sounds way more serious than a sprain and since he did get placed on the 60 day DL, I'm gonna say it's way more serious than a sprain.

I called the injury the moment I saw it yesterday. I said he fucked up either his MCL or LCL and hope that he didn't tear anything but I knew it was more serious than a sprain. Original reports mentioned it was his ACL and MCL. I have also seen reports saying ACL and PCL but I'm having a very hard time believing, with the direction his leg went, that he screwed up both his ACL and PCL. In order to cause damage to those ligaments, you'd need to get hit from the front or the back to blow them out. Yasmani, very clearly got hit from the side, the medial side at that.

I'm really getting tired of calling the injuries the Padres are having and being right about them. Though it's not official that he has torn anything and won't be until tomorrow, I have the worst feeling ever that he did and had that feeling yesterday as well. Let us go back to when Alonso got hurt and the Padres tried to tell us for a few days to like a week that Alonso only had a bruised hand. I said from the moment he got hit that he broke something. Fast forward to Alonso being placed on the DL with a broken hand. I win this game. I've also called hamstring strains among other injuries in the last couple seasons. I'm pretty sure the Padres need to put me on their staff. Though I don't have the necessary degree... yet, I clearly know what I'm talking about. I mean, it's not like I wasn't going to school for this or anything.

Record: Not even close to where we want it to be

Friday, June 14, 2013

Hello, Nostalgia

There's just something about watching videos of the '98 season and seeing the players be driven onto the field that made me need to write a post... and want to cry. Definitely, wanted to cry. It's a good thing I wasn't at the game or I definitely would have. It was so amazing to see some of the old team like Vaughn, Gwynn (obviously), Finley, Davis, Ashby, etc. but it is always heartbreaking not seeing Cami. It's no secret that Caminiti is my all time favorite player so seeing the videos with him and even hearing other players talk about him definitely made me tear up. Cami has to simultaneously be the best and worst athlete to look up to. AMAZING player, steroids and drug addict. If that doesn't scream best and worst, I don't know what does. Along with members of that fantabulous team, we even have Proctor broadcasting the game tonight. I might not remember listening to him when I was 10 but I'm loving every second of this. Can he do this for us forever?!

What I do remember is getting picked up from school and being so excited to see that my parents had bought me a NL championship shirt, wait 2 shirts. Neither of which fit me then or now but man, you would think I had died and gone to heaven with how excited I was. It just hit me that I'm basically 10 again tonight. It's a friday night, my mom is working late and me and dad had McDonalds for dinner. The only thing missing, gymnastics practice. Hello, nostalgia.

Three innings into the game and the Padres haven't shown up yet... six innings into the game and the Padres haven't shown up yet. I'm going to say that we are extremely nervous to be playing in front of such a fantastic team. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm also convinced that the broadcast is intentionally trying to make me cry. No more Cami stories!! I can't take it but I love them but I can't, I just can't.

Six innings and FINALLY we show up. Logan with a two run single to give the Padres the 2-1 lead. THANK YOU. That would be all we need as the Padres go on to win 2-1 with a Stults complete game. Despite the low score and the basically nothing happening for most the game, this has to be one of my favorite games of the season.

Happy 15th anniversary, '98 NL Championship team!!

Record: 4 out of first

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Cycle Watch 2013: The Struggle Is Real

It's been a long time yet again but I'm not sorry anymore. I can barely concentrate to watch games much less blog about them. However, Cabrera single handedly made me want to write this post tonight.

The Padres were down by 2 early in the game and with a Padre at third and two outs, Cabrera absolutely killed a ball to tie the game. One of my friends tweeted that Cabrera told that ball 'good day, kind sir' to which I responded with something along the lines of "I'm thinking more like Fez, 'I said GOOD DAY!!'" and we all could see him saying that like Fez too easily. So from this point on, Cabrera will forever be called Fez.

Cashner promptly erased Fez's HR to make it 4-2 D-Backs. Q scored on someone's base hit. I can't remember, I was eating but Fez is on his game today and doubled to make it a 7-4 game in the fourth. Oh and not to mention, he stole his 100th base earlier in the game and is a triple away from the cycle. We all know how possible this is for him to do but he is a Padre so that works against him BUT it is only the fourth inning and he's already been up three times. Oh and it's an away game so it's only logical the Padres do something epic while the majority of their fans aren't there. So will this be the day the Padres say good day to the cycle?! I kinda hope so.

Oh yeah, Q changed his stance after the ugliest "slide" into home ever a few games ago. It's super awkward looking now but supposedly it's taking stress off his knee or some shit like that, I kinda ignore the in game commentary. Despite the ugliness of his new stance, it seems to be working because it seems that every time I look up, he's on base. With that said, I'm not convinced that he is healthy enough to be doing so much running. Not convinced at all. With the bases loaded, Hundley gets a bloop single to score two more, making a 9-4 game in 5.

Fez leads off the 6th and does a whole bunch of nothing with it. Boo!! And of course since it's cycle watch, Grant brings up the fact that Tony Gwynn was a single away from the cycle and taken out of the game. We know, Grant, we know. You say this EVERY TIME a cycle is even thought about. We get it.

Fez gets one more chance to do what no Padre has ever done. Please don't let this stay a mythical beast any longer. I'm talking to you baseball gods. While we wait for the 9th, they continue to remind us that they are looking for a new FSSD girl. I've debated doing it because why the hell not?! I can be fake just as easily as they could. However, I'd probably go crazy trying to hold in all my sarcastic and bitchy comments, not to mention my favorite potty words, oh yeah and I still don't get the purpose of them. Though it does seem like it would be interesting to do.

No cycle for Fez. Motherfucker!! The struggle is real and the cycle is an elusive bitch. I'm beginning to believe that it's all just a figment of our imaginations. That is the only logical explanation. The Padres scored one more run but I didn't see it because I'm too depressed about losing the cycle. Well we in 10-4 like bosses but damn, not getting the cycle hurts.

Record: Still better than the Dodgers

Friday, May 17, 2013

Holy Disappointment, Batman

It's 80's night and the uniforms aren't the ugliest they could find but they are close.When asked what Chase thinks about the unis he said, "It's bright. I think it's fine. I'm definitely not a fan of bringing it back for good". I'm glad to know someone on the team has a brain. This Bring Back the Brown shit is just that, shit. Leave the Brown for retro night. Frankly, this team isn't deserving of the Brown or the Pinstripes.

Padres score two to start the game on what I assume is a single and a two base error. I could really care less right now. I still haven't found my muchness that allows me to really care. LaRoche doesn't like to see the Padres win or anything because he just hit a three run home run to give the Nationals a 3-2 lead in the fourth. How fucking rude.

Oh hey, yeah the Nats hit another homerun which totally wouldn't have been out last season. Super glad we moved in those fences because ya know, they have been super beneficial for us. For a team that doesn't have a very good offense, you'd think the majority of the home runs we have hit would have been aided by the new dimensions but they haven't so what the fuck was the point of moving them in anyway ! Also, fuck you LaRoche for hitting yet another home run tonight and now it's 5-2 Nats.

Gyorko hits himself a home run to make it 5-3 in the bottom of the 6th and I still don't care and want to turn the game off as well as the internet. Nothing exciting has happened since the 6th... until now, Chase singles in Deno to make it 5-4 Nats. Alonso singles to move Chase to third followed by a Blanks single to drive Chase in and tie up the game. Into extras we go!!

Street comes in to pitch the 10th and gives up a home run that again, wouldn't have been out last year. Super. At the most, that ball could have been robbed last season. Meanwhile, the Nats put Storen in to pitch the bottom of the 10th and I can't focus on anything but his junk. Put that away, no one wants to see that right now. Somehow the Padres put runners at the corners with one out but I can't tell you how because holy Storen junk. However, we lost 6-5. With tonight's loss, the Padres have fallen down to Dodgers status. Holy disappointment, Batman.

Record: Dodgers status

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Big Whoop

No post yesterday because my ass was asleep. 9:30 am games are rude as all hell but yes, we swept the O's.

To end the first inning Bryce Harper, hit into the dumbest double play ever. It was so illogical that I can't even understand why he did what he did. It should have been an easy double play but Cabrera threw it in the dirt and it got past Alonso so Harper took off for second. Sounds like no big deal, right?? Wrong, the ball didn't go far enough away for him to advance yet he did anyway. We all know he is a great player for his age which leads me to believe he hit that wall a lot harder than we thought.

LaRoche gets the scoring starting with a two run home run in the top of the fourth consequently giving the Nationals the 2-0 lead. Boo. Shit, something happened and now it's 3-0 Nationals in the 5th... I was preoccupied with something else so I missed it. Yikes, a two out, two run single puts the Nats up 5-0. You can go ahead and pull Volquez any minute now. As if I didn't hate Volquez enough as it is, he's at 84 pitches to end the 5th and Latos, went into the 9th with 80 some pitches. Yeah, the trade is looking super good.

The Padres have the bases loaded and one out to hopefully kick off our scoring because we fucking need this. So we scored one, I'm not happy with that. You have the bases loaded with one out and you only score one run?! You deserve to lose the game. Chase scores in the 6th on a Deno sac fly to make it 5-2 Nats. Big whoop. Well fuck a duck, Harper just murdered that ball to the deepest part of the park. He might looks like the biggest douche ever but you can not deny his talent. He didn't seem pleased at all with that home run so ya know, he's probably going to beat up the batters eye after the game...

We lose 6-2 or whatever the hell it was and I'm not too mad because Grey's Anatomy is on tonight!!

Record: I hope it's still better than the Dodgers

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Y'all Ready For This

It's been a short lifetime since the Padres have had a game and a slightly longer lifetime since I've written about a game. Well, today, I'm writing... kinda. The only reason I decided to write today is because I get to watch JJ Hardy during this series.

As you know, after we swept the Marlins, we flew to Florida and got swept by Tampa Bay. I guess Tampa didn't enjoy us beating up their little big brother. I say little big brother because the Marlins are the older team but they have the feel of the younger annoying sibling that is always screwing up things.

Q gets the game started with a solo shot to start the Padres half of the second to answer why he was chosen for pick the stick. The Padres load the bases with two outs in our half of the second only to strike out and end the inning. Can we stop it with the strikeouts?!

Welp, while the broad was interviewing Gyorko's family, the O's tied the game at 1 with a solo shot of their own. I think this means she's not allowed to talk anymore. There's been a whole bunch of nothing since the 2nd inning, it's the 8th now. Well, some defensive plays that I missed. Go figure. Finally something happens. Unfortunately it was the O's that scored in the bottom of the 8th. This might be one of the fastest AL rules games I have seen and I still hate it. Every last second of it.

The Padres looked to have something going in the 9th so Black opted to pinch run for Kotsay. Because ya know, putting Blanks in to run for Kotsay makes perfect sense when Alonso is the lead runner... speed behind slow is always helpful. *Sigh* It didn't matter anyway since the Padres hit into a double play and eliminated the speed. Deno tied the game at two with a two out single and it looks like it's gonna to be awhile longer before I get to make my double chocolate muffins tonight. Cabrera drove in another run to make it 3-2 and Hundley got in a rundown to end the inning instead of chilling at second and possibly continuing the inning.

Street comes in to pitch the 9th and the O's start playing one of my old gymnastics songs, asking, "Y'all Ready For This" to which I found myself answering with a giant "No". I'm NEVER ready for Huston to come in and pitch, never ever especially after the Tampa Bay incident. Speaking of which, Street walking what should have been the last out is eerily familiar and I don't like it. STOP IT!! Thank God, it didn't end the way it did last time. Padres win 3-2 and I'm still against the damn DH and being forced to watch boring baseball.

Record: Still better than the Dodgers

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Marlins are MIA in Petco... I'm Clever

I've been slacking on this big time, sorry. I've partially been slacking because I just wasn't caring about the game anymore, because I missed the Saturday and part of Sunday's game and then yesterday, well I just hate Cashner.

The Padres are winning 4-0 in the third and the only run being scored that I remember seeing was Venables home run that no one knew was a home run. Seriously, that was hilarious. The Marlins right fielder threw his hands up all "I CAN'T FIND IT!!" while Venable pulls up at first and the ball goes out of the park. If that doesn't make SportsCenters Not Top Ten, I will be disappointed.

Oh at some point during the game the reporter broad that I don't like was trying to tell us that the Marlins starting pitcher grew up in Chula Vista and promptly called it Chula Veesta. Umm, go away. You know who else can go away?? All the people on twitter that tweet their complaints about shit like the wave and the "wooo". Complaining to all of us does absolutely nothing to make it stop. Take a page from my book and yell at the people doing it. It might not work but you'll feel better AND won't annoy everyone on twitter. Because ya know, complaining about it on here is totally different than complaining about it on twitter.

Somehow the Marlins scored to make it 4-1 but I don't care cause I'm making zoo plans for the off day. Be jealous.

Alonso kind of killed the Marlins second baseman and now he's out of the game. Just what the Marlins need, more injuries. The Padres win 5-1 and ensure our fourth place spot is safe for another day.

Record: Better than the Dodgers

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Bring In the Hype Man, It's Rizzo vs. Cashner

Seriously, there is way too much hype on my twitter feed about this game. For the record, I'd rather Rizzo if for nothing more than Rizzo Splits and well, because I hate Cashner. So far, the Cubs are winning 1-0 in the second. Good job, Cashner, good job. Make that 2-0 Cubs in the second. Can we please stop proving that we don't know how to make trades that are beneficial for us?! I don't even care that Rizzo has had nothing to do with the Cubs score right now, this is bullshit. We keep getting screwed with these trades.

Rizzo tried to kill Cashner in the third and settled for a base hit up the middle instead of a base hit off Cashner. So not only does Rizzo single, he steals second and takes third on what I'm not sure what to call it, a single?? A fielders choice?? Cabrera should have gone to first for the out but decided he wanted to try to get Rizzo. It was weird and ugly. Welp, 4-0 Cubs in the third. I quit.

I'm unquitting for a second only to say that Gyorko hit his first ML home run and seeing that they are playing the Cubs, he didn't even have to give the fan, who got it, anything to get it back. Congrats, kid. We're still losing though, 6-1 and I'm quitting again unless we have some miraculous comeback.  Padres lose 6-2 cause Chase hit a home run.

Record: 10- a lot + some

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Bring Out the Brooms, It's Time To Cleanup After the Circus

The Giants go down in order to start the game which is simply amazing given Panda swings at EVERYTHING which is both awesome and terrifying at the same time. Pretty sure if I were a pitcher, he would be the one batter that I'd hate to face. Chase gets the game started right with a two out home run to give us the early 1-0 lead. I like when I get to write that we have the early lead. This shit needs to happen more often.

Boo the Giants tie it at 1 in the second. Nick wasn't thrilled that the Giants tied it up so he took matters into his own hands and absolutely murdered a two run shot, making it 3-1 Padres in two. Marquis was trying to give us all heart attacks by insisting on not throwing strikes. Fortunately Pence hit into a double play to end the top of the third and we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

So Vogelsong walks the previous two batters and Blanks gets up there and swings at the first pitch to end the inning. Why?! You just saw the last two batters get walked and you're going to swing away. No. AND it was low. Double no. I hate it when batters forget they have at least three chances to get a hit. Stop swinging on the first fucking pitch.

Holy shit, the Padres are in a home run mood today!! Alexi just crushed a two run shot of his own to make it a 5-1 game. Oh and it's only the fourth. Where did these guys come from?! Also, Alexi's home run would have been out with the old dimensions too. Apparently half the people on twitter think it didn't go over the deck and the other half do. All that matters is it was a home run.

The Giants add one on in the top of the fifth but it's ok because we're still winning and that's what really matters. It's not Alexi's fault he's short and JUST missed it. Whatever, Team Fun Size. Sweet, a passed ball scored another Padres run and now we have our 4 run lead back. Woooooooo.

Marquis manages to stay in the game for 6.2 innings... at least we know Erlin knows how to warm up. Poor kid. Posey adds on two in the top of the eighth and Deno JUST missed robbing it. I might have freaked the fuck out if he did take that away. It was SO close, SO CLOSE!! Brach gets pulled for Luke after not recording an out in this inning. Deno just saved the lead and Enberg was the most excited I have ever heard him be. It was fabulous. Streets in to go for the save and I'm holding my breath. He scares me almost as much as Heath and Trevor would. It all comes down to Panda. Please Street, strike him out. Or give up a base hit and give Posey a chance to tie it, whatever works for you. *Sigh* I'll allow a ground ball to end it. Padres win 6-4 and sweep the circus. I love when that happens.

Record: 9 - a lot

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Circus Is Back In Town and We Win Walkoff Style

In case you're wondering about last night, I finally was annoyed enough through the day to not even bother writing a post. However, I did watch the game in the dark and yes, I plan on doing that again today. Gotta do whatever it takes to keep us winning, right?! Though, I imagine it will be harder to do today given the earlier start time. Hmmm.

During the bottom half of the first they decided to tell us why Zito likes 75 for his number... it's because it's a shelf for his name. Seriously. Spoken like a true stoner. Enberg and Grant tried to tell us it was because he's artistic. Stop lying to us, we all know he's a stoner.

In the second inning Stults nearly kills Belt but somehow manages to hit his bat instead of his head, the pitch immediately after, hits Belt. I guess Stults doesn't like baby giraffes. Before I could even finish typing that, the Giants take the early 3-0 lead on a three run home run. Yikes.

Waah a ground rule double ruined the Padres chances of scoring in the second. This should have been a 3-1 game right now. Stupid ground rule double. *Fart noise* Quentin makes an error and the Giants add on another run. *Double fart noise* as Posey doubles in Panda, 5-0 Giants. While all this stupid scoring is happening, the most awkward interview on the face of the earth is happening in the booth. Two white men, old and older, trying to talk soccer to what I'm assuming is a professional soccer player.

A pretty comical error, in the fourth, on Torres gives Q a double with one out. Now Blanks singles and we have runners on first and third and I'm praying we don't hit into a double play. I kinda want to see some scoring here. Alonso clears the bases with a double to make it 5-2 contrary to watch Enberg originally announced. Obviously, Zito's high is wearing off. Gyorko makes for out number two followed by a Hundley walk and a Guzman pinch hit to drive in our third run, 5-3 Giants. I'm telling you, his high is wearing off. Deno just tied the game on a double. FUCK YES!! Now we're into the Giants bullpen and no I don't find it a coincidence that we started scoring as soon as this room started getting dark. And the Padres take the lead on a Cabrera single, yeeeeeessssssss!! 6-5 Padres.

Seriously, what is with Pence and this whole one batting glove bullshit?! I don't understand it AT ALL. Fuck you, Mr. One Glove, for driving in two and taking back the lead. I don't like this nor did I approve of this. 7-6 Giants, oh and stop trying to make Blanks bust his face open on walls, K?? Thanks.

The Padres have the go ahead run on second with two outs and Hundley up, I can only hope that the magic we had in the fourth continues into this half of the fifth. It didn't, WAAAAAH!! However, we tied the game at 7 in the 7th, so there's that.

While waiting for something else to happen in the game, I was going through my twitter feed and saw a tweet from the MLB Fan Cave making the whole so and so's home run JUST landed joke. Don't be that person, it's not funny and is quite stupid.

Chase walks to kick off the bottom of the ninth and I'm going to love it if Q crushes it. There's not much better than a walk off home run. Unfortunately, Q did absolutely nothing in his at bat. Blah. Wow, Chase got called out at first and wasn't even tagged. Apparently a glove kicking up dirt counts as tagging the runner, BULLSHIT. However, I knew this was going to go into extras. Also, Alonso got hops. Mad hops. That was a pretty fantastical play and quite shocking and it needs to be in the top 10 plays on SportsCenter.

We're onto the 12th and Erlin gets to make his major league debut. Poor kid, people are going to hate him if he blows this game. Apparently the announcers lied because Thatcher is in instead of Erlin. What the fuck?! Stop telling us that Erlin is going to come in if he's not. The Padres are so close to winning this game and I can't take it anymore. Hurry up and win before I puke!! Giants bobble and the Padres win 8-7!! Thank you baseball gods, I was done with this one.

Record: 8- a lot

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Volquez Gets the Win?! What the?! What?!

Once again, I wasn't going to write this but I had a few gems on twitter that need to be shared some more. Volquez is doing surprisingly well today. I use well loosely here, he hasn't given up any runs yet. In the second inning the Padres had the bases loaded with no outs and in true Padres fan fashion I tweeted "Wow, bases loaded and no outs?! We better not fuck this up", two seconds later "We fucked it up". Gyorko apparently forgot that he has at least three chances to hit the ball because he swung on the first pitch he saw and hit it directly to the SS and Alonso got doubled up. I want to say that I can't believe that happened but who the hell am I kidding, it's the Padres of course that happened.

Quentin gets the scoring started with a solo home run in the fourth. I'm glad he's back!! Oh and by "getting scoring started" I mean, scoring. Nothing more happened that inning. What is shocking, is that Volquez hasn't shit the bed yet. For what it's worth, I still like that none of our home runs have been aided by the new dimensions. Hooray for money well spent...

Umm Volquez bunted Hundley to second and he realized no one was covering third so he went to take third and there was a throwing error and now we are winning 2-0. What in God's green earth just happened?! If we win this, I'm watching the game in the dark until we lose. Superstitions are real, dammit!!

Holy shit, hell is freezing over. Volquez is in the 7th inning and only at 84 pitches to start it. Volquez goes 7 innings, gave up 5 hits, struck out 3 and didn't walk anyone. Oh and was under 100 pitches. Excuse me while I go into shock. Don't be fooled, one good start is not enough to make me like Volquez. I mean look at all that Cabrera has been doing and I still hate him.

Shit on a stick!! The Padres were one catch away from ending the game and the ball dropped between three players. That runner came around to score because apparently, Alexi got the jitters and couldn't make the catch to end the inning. A freak incident gives the Padres the final out. Seriously, it was a weird way to end the game. I can't even explain it but the Padres hang on to win their first home game since the home opener. Yes, the first game since the home opener. Don't act like you're surprised.

Record: 6- a lot

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

*Sigh* Not Again

Guess what guys, Cody Ransom is a troll as is just about every player the Padres have let go. Ransom was 2 for 3 with a home run when I turned the end of the Cubs Reds game on. Other players that suddenly got their shit together after leaving us; Edmunds and Ludwick are all that come to mind right now but I know there are others. This makes me think it's something with the dynamic of the team and not anything about the field itself. Obviously you're going to be more comfortable in certain situations and will get along better with certain teams than other and I'm beginning to think that's the case. I'm also beginning to think I'm not making any sense because I can't see straight right now much less think straight.

How come whenever I don't want to write this damn thing, I end up writing something anyway?! Seriously, I want absolutely nothing to do with this tonight and here I am, writing away. I hate myself for this. Meanwhile the Padres are already losing and it's only the first inning. I didn't see what happened because I was watching the end of the Cubs Reds game. In Quentin's first AB after coming back from his 8 game suspension singles in the tying run. Alonso singles in a run to make it 2-1 Padres and Quentin hustles to third. I'm kinda wishing he didn't because now there's an easy DP opportunity. Yep, called it. Deno hit into a DP to end the inning but at least we have the lead... for now.

Aaaaaand there goes the lead. 3-2 Brewers in the second. Make that 4-2 Brewers. I'm already over this game. Scratch that 6-2 Brewers and Clayton just got pulled. Poor guy didn't even last two innings. I remember a time when he didn't completely suck and would win every game I was at. It's almost like it was a dream now.

We got a run back, (enter sarcastic "yay" here). 6-3 Brewers. Nothing worth mentioning has happened since whenever we got that run back... it's now the 7th and we have the bases loaded but my eyes could care less and are fighting to stay closed. The Padres lose and now I can put myself to bed.

Record: 5-15

Monday, April 22, 2013

Make It Stop!! Make the Losing Stop!!

I turned the game on early enough to hear and update on Blanks and what I learned, besides that he's fine, is that the reporter doesn't know the difference between her elbow and her shoulder. No, I am not kidding. While trying to explain that the trainers were trying to help loosen up his shoulder and back from running into the wall, she grabs her shoulder and goes on to say elbow. Sweetie, that's a tad bit lower than where you are grabbing. "A" for effort?? Also, Blanks bruise on his eyelid makes it look like he's wearing makeup and let me tell you this, he would make a pretty drag queen...

Braun starts the game off with a two run home run to my BP spot that the new dimensions took away. See what happens when you take away something of mine?! The guy who'd rather let everyone know he has herpes than have everyone think he intentionally does steroids, homers. Good job, Padres, good fucking job. I hate you. Before the inning can end, Marquis his two consecutive batters. I bet Matt Kemp is bitching now that the pitch at his head was on purpose... So ummm Brewers up 5-0 already thanks to two fancy HBP and a home run. Awesome.

Dammit, Cabrera, in an attempt to advance on an out, had too much momentum in his slide and popped off the bag and got called out for the second out of the Padres half of the first. GRAB IT WITH YOUR TOES!! I know all too well how to be a monkey and use your toes to help you with things.

Get this, Alonso BUNTS for a base hit to start the second inning. Yes, you read that correctly, Alonso. Bunt. Base hit. Unfortunately, Kotsay hit into a double play and took away the shock of the bunt before it got to settle in and nothing has happened in the game since... it's now the 5th inning.

So since the Padres refuse to show up, I'm gonna tell you a sad Padres fact that I learned last night... they were once no hit by a pitcher on LSD. Yep, thanks to good old BuzzFeed I learned 3 Myths and 8 True Stories About LSD, and that was one of the truths.

6-0 Brewers as Braun singles in a run in the 5th. Clearly, the Brewers are the only ones to show up tonight. I'd swear the Padres are playing like they aren't being paid. Make it stop. Aaaaand with that said, Marquis loads the bases with two outs in the fifth and now it's Bass time. Wild pitch makes it 7-0 Brewers all of which are charged to Marquis, yikes. You guys didn't make it stop soon enough.

Oh hey, we scored and I didn't see it. 7-1 Brewers in the bottom of the 5th. No shutout for us, hooray. Apparently the Padres like to break other teams pitchers. First, Greinke, obviously. Second, some other Dodgers pitcher and now Lohse. Padres Smash?? Lohse dislocated his pinky running to first somehow. Unfortunately they didn't show us or have an angle to let me see how.

Apparently Sweet Caroline is going to be played for the rest of the season or so it seems. I am so not happy about that. Nothing against supporting Boston but fuck Neil Diamond. It's been played for what, a week now and I'm already beyond sick of hearing the song. It makes me wonder how Red Sox fans can put up with it and then I realized they are all probably shit faced by then and don't care anymore. In the midst of my complaining, they showed Cory for what felt like an eternity and I loved every second of it and found myself smiling at the tv like a loser. In my defense he was totally flirting through the camera and I do believe I just got eye fucked. Not mad, not mad at all. Now if only he'd do this in person. Meanwhile, the Padres lose 7-1.

Record: 5-14

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sunday, Funday, Runday!! JK We're the Padres


Apparently my twitter feed has forgotten that "it's eye-fucking time" means that Zito is pitching for the Giants. When he pitches at Petco, the eye-fucking causes him to suck and for us to kick his ass. It often works through the tv too but that's a lot harder to do and I'm not sure I'm awake enough for it to be effective today.

Hahahaha in the bottom of the first Pagan limps immediately after the pitch to sell that he got hit then walks perfectly fine to argue with the ump that we as hit. You're dumb. I don't even care that he did get hit. It was a two second difference between limping and walking normal.




Ugh Giants score first with three in the third inning. This game is boring as all hell. Wake up, Padres!! You're putting me back to sleep. Dammit, Gerald!! 5-0 Giants after Posey hits a two run home run in the fifth. In the bottom of the sixth, Blanks attempts to murder the outfield wall and instead it attacks him. His sunglasses busted and I'm calling concussion. No way he slams that hard, head first, into a wall without it happening which is just fantastic because he's finally been healthy and now BAM wall to the face and shoulder. I'm assuming they tested for a concussion as well as did some ROM tests on his shoulder. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it just looked bad and that he's actually fine but I can't convince myself that it's true.

Once Again the Padres get shut out and this just blows. The sweepers become the swept. Waaaaaah.

Record: 5-13

Saturday, April 20, 2013

They've Already Lost Their Muchness

Welp, my hope for not starting a losing streak looks to be crushed into pieces, especially if tonight's home plate ump is using the same strike zone as last nights. Clayton was scheduled to start today but instead he decided to puke his brains out and give Cashner his spot. I'm gonna go ahead and say if we have to have Cashner on the team we should use him more like the Reds do with Chapman. Though, I don't want a pitcher with location problems being my closer so yeah, maybe we should just get rid of him in general or put him in the minors until those location problems are solved. For the record, I still don't get why they picked Cashner over Bass for tonight. 

Oh yeah, Ross is on the DL now. Told you, you shouldn't have left him in the game. So with Ross out and Cashner taking over for Clayton tonight, the Padres bring Weber back. Apparently from what Scanlan posted on Facebook, Weber is back in the pen. Hooray for pitchers already getting broken!! At least last season they waited a little longer before missing starts. If Weber is in the pen for long relief, who's going to start in Ross' spot?? I'm going to assume that Clayton will feel better by then and that he will take that spot... and the Padres confirmed my assumption. Maybe I should be the coach, I make logical decisions. 

Well the Padres went down in order to start the game which is shocking since Lincecum is pitching today. Clearly, they forgot that he has been shit lately. I believe the Giants also went down in order to start the game which is shocking since Cashner is pitching today. It's like the third inning already and the games only been on for 38 minutes and I have yet to pay attention to it. I looked up and the bases were loaded and two outs with Chase up to bat. Nothing came out of that, womp, womp. And by my theory last season, a blown bases loaded opportunity is an automatic loss. 

Pablo was apparently tired of the 0-0 game and took matters into his own hands and crushed it for a 2 run home run off Cashner. Great, now can we get Cashner out of the game. Please. We did. Bass came in and is showing why he should be a starter again. The highlight of this game, me legit freaking out because I ran out of syrup on my chocolate chip pancakes. The Padres lose 2-0 and I'm beginning to think the only reason they swept the Dodgers is because we had something to prove after the fight. If that's not the case, then they lost their muchness on the flight.

Record: 5-12

Friday, April 19, 2013

An Offday Screws the Win Streak Yet Again

I'm gonna go ahead and get this out of the way. I'm extremely tired and irritable because I was up until 5 something this morning listening to the Boston Police scanners because of the whole manhunt thing. Let's be honest, that shit was more entertaining to listen to than anything else right now and since the kid just got captured like an hour or so ago, I'm totally regretting staying up so late to listen for nothing. I've had like 6 hours of sleep and don't know how I'm not in zombie mode. By the time the game starts, I will be even more annoyed so I apologize in advance if none of this makes sense or if  there is an unusual amount of "fucks" being thrown around. Also, let's see if last years theory on win streaks and off days stays true.

Padres score first on a Chase sac fly and hopefully we can win with that one run. HA, who am I kidding, Volquez is pitching. That lead will be gone before he records an out. Guess what guys, the Giants have runners on first and second with no outs and Pablo up. Guess what guys, I was wrong. He recorded an out and we are still winning!! Well what do you know, we lost the lead and it only took two outs to do so. Tie game at 1 after 1. Now excuse me while I grab a pillow and take a nap...

So the Giants take the lead now in the third and I'm fighting to stay awake. You guys, this is hard. Since nothing of importance has happened or is happening besides the strike zone being all over the place, I'm gonna go ahead and comment on something they talked about earlier in the game. Ross possibly missing his next start. We all saw Tyson pop his shoulder out and back in again during his start the other day and wondered if he was going to make his next start. Well, today they said his shoulder is still feeling sore and then panned over to show Cashner sitting next to him in the dugout. As they panned to Cashner they announced that it's likely that he will make Tyson's start should Tyson not be able to. I'm not any kind of okay with that. Like I've said before, what good does it do to throw as hard as Cashner can if he can't fucking locate?! The fact that they are so eager to skip over Bass, who has proven himself a starter in the past, is quite stupid. Okay, I'm gonna go back to pretending I give a shit about this game and trying to stay awake.

Chase ties the game at two in the sixth inning but I'm still too sleepy to really care. DAMN!! We ALMOST had a triple play. Had Gyorko's throw to first not bounced, we might have very well had that triple play. I'm not sure what's more amazing, that we aren't losing or that Volquez made it through six. The Giants win walkoff style, 3-2. Gross. Though it was completely expected because we had a win streak going on that got interrupted by an offday. Fuck off days and fuck you very much for continuing to prove my theory correct.
Record: 5- 11

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

We Saw, Bitch

So I'm in a bad mood today and don't even want to watch the game. I don't know how or why but it's no good. What is good, Chase is back and in the lineup tonight. Another thing that can be looked at as both good and bad, Cam is on the DL for his wrist. I don't remember seeing him hurt himself which leads me to believe that his injury is responsible for the horrific batting average. It's a logical conclusion to make. Whether or not it's the right one, we might never know. Or ya know, he comes back and starts hitting then it will justify my theory. We still won't be positive that the injury is the cause but it definitely doesn't help.

Let the injuries continue, sigh. Ross appears to have screwed up his shoulder in a near home run in the top of the third but is staying in... for now. Don't be the hero, bro. If you're hurt at all, take yourself out. Well after some ROM tests, Ross stays in the game. I don't know about you but given the Padres injuries records, I'd take him out just to be safe.

Jesus makes a great catch to get Adrian out. However, he should have let it continue into the stands and we'd still be 0-0 instead of 1-0 Dodgers. I prefer to think that Adrian would have hit into a double play and ended the inning. My timeline, however is full of negative nancy's and felt the need to crush my bubble by telling me Adrian probably would have crushed it. Let me have my moment, dammit!! Luckily, Cabrera tied it up with a solo shot to start off the fourth inning but not before I had to hear the in game chick talk about using the Hello Kitty Dodgers blanket. Sweetie, you work for/with the Padres, it's not ok for you to be using that and if  you insist on it, don't let us know about it.

The Padres continue to get to Kershaw and load the bases in the fourth after Cabrera's home run. Gyorko grounds into a double play but Chase was able to come in and score to make it 2-1 good guys. I'm very disappointed about this. All that patience and work to load the bases with no outs only to have them all but cleared by a double play. Not okay. Blanks just drove in our third run and I'm wishing he would have been in Gyorko's spot instead. A wild pitch advances Blanks to second with Nick up, who had an ugly swing to start that AB. Seriously, it was gross. The Dodgers opt to walk Nick to get to Ross. I hope Ross' shoulder doesn't affect his AB but I think it will. Welp, he bunted which I'm convincing myself was to protect his shoulder because there's no other logical explanation to do so with two on and two outs. 3-1 good guys to end the top half of the fourth.

Deno starts off the fifth the same way Cabrera did, with a solo shot. 4-1 Padres but not before the Dodgers tricked me into singing Call Me Maybe, which will be stuck in my head the rest of the night... dirty bastards. So Casey Kelly has been tweeting during the games this series and the Padres have been kicking ass. It's only logical that he has to continue tweeting during the games until we lose. Hashtag: superstitions. For some God awful reason the telecast feels the need to keep showing me that little bitch known as Greinke. Get him off my tv!! If I wanted to see him, I'd replay the fight that is still on my DVR.

Three straight games and umpteen times played and I have clapped along with the PA system played "everybody clap your hands". Yes, I feel like a massive loser but I'm fairly confident had their PA system not been ridiculously loud, I wouldn't be doing that. Anyway, Ross struggled in the fifth and loaded the bases with two outs. Come on!! Why are you trying to give us all a heart attack here. We need to sweep LA. Brach enters the game and immediately throws a ball, not what I want to see when the bases are loaded and we only have a 3 run lead. Thank God, Schumaker hit it back to Brach and we were able to get out of the inning with any damage. We got this!!

Another solo shot for the Padres, coming by way of Kyle Blanks to make it a 5-1 game. Seriously, these Padres are never going to want to leave LA. Kershaw gets pulled with a runner on and one out for Paco... I can't stop laughing when I say it, Paco. Brach stays in for the Padres and I noticed that he does, sometimes, one of my favorite things, jumps into fielding positions after the pitch. It makes me so sad that more pitchers don't do that and makes me miss Peavy. If I ever find myself with a pitcher, I'm going to get on his case if he doesn't get into fielding position. It can save your face, just ask Chris Young.

After Cabrera steals third, Kotsay knocks him in making it a 5 run lead in the seventh. I love seeing my Padres play like this and I'm still hoping this isn't just random luck and that they really have finally figured everything out. Clayton, pinch runs for Kotsay, Gyorko singles and the Dodgers hit Blanks to load the bases with two outs. Nick strikes out to end the inning but it's okay because it's a 6-1 game.

Dodgers load the bases because we put Thatcher in and he sucks and Thayer couldn't get a second out. Now the penis wrinkles put Kemp in to pinch hit. I'm keeping my fingers crossed we can double him up and not blow this game. Thayer is getting squeezed like no other against Kemp. Kemp tossed his bat because he was so sure we just walked in a run and I laughed as the ump called strike and the douche lord goes from a 3-0 count to striking out. Unlike normal batters, Kemp got six strikes before he got called out. Thayer got out of the inning and my little heart can kindly go back to a normal heart rate anytime now.

Chase knocks in his first RBI of the season and moves Cabrera to second and now it's 7-1 Padres. Also, Cabrera is a triple shy of the cycle. The Padres once again have the bases loaded and once again do nothing with it but it's ok because we are winning!! Blanks gets hit, again, to start the ninth inning and once again, no one rushed the mound because no one said "fuck you" to anyone. I do find it bullshit that there was no warning tossed out after that given both times he was hit came after he homered. Street comes in, in a non save situation and walks Twat Waffle Supreme with one out. Now I'm REALLY hoping Adrian hits into a double play to end the game. Yep, that didn't happen. Street gave up a hit to Adrian and now all of you see why Street scares me. Aaaaaand he walks the bases loaded. STOP IT!! Kemp flies out to Venable but a run scores and it's now 7-2 Padres. SWEEP LA!!

I seriously want to get EVERY Padres fan on twitter to tweet Kemp after the game "we saw, bitch." There is no way in hell he could ignore that and I'd laugh my ass off. Seriously, @TheRealMattKemp. Now go tweet!!

Record: 5-10

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A Series Win Is Always a Good One but It's Even Better When It's Against the Dodgers

The Padres take the early lead to start the game and are already put in a bases loaded situation thanks to Adrian being a fuck up. Ha ha, Adrian, ha ha. The Dodgers walked in a run on two outs!! HA HA, Dodgers, HA HA. And now they allowed Alexi to single in two more runs. This is awesome. So glad Q took out Greinke last week. 4-0 Padres in .2 innings. I like it. I like it a lot.

I think the Padres just broke another Dodger pitcher. So Padres 2, Dodgers pitcher 0... or - 2. Either works for me. So umm Marquis has gone through two innings with 18 pitches. I'd be willing to bet that Volquez thinks that's some kind of black magic .

5-0 Padres because Kemp can't throw on line and make a play at the plate. I'm enjoying the Padres playing like this. I've missed them terribly. Guess what, Marquis accidentally hit a batter in the third and no one charged the mound. See what happens when a pitcher doesn't tell the hit batter 'fuck you' after accidentally hitting them. Dammit, Marquis loaded the bases with only one out. Please don't blow this for us, you were killing it the first two innings. The Dodgers drove in a run which thank God is only one run because that shit looked like it was about to be a grand slam and my little baseball heart is still trying to recover from that one. 5-1 Padres going into the fourth. We got this... I hope.

So Deno got on or whatever and someone tweeted "Norf" and now I have started an impromptu Pinky and the Brain sing along/quote fest because I always read it as "narf" instead. You can tell I'm having fun watching this game... Despite the score, I'm bored out of my damn mind. So Kemp once again can't throw home and now it's 6-1 Padres. Fun stuff here.

Deno is kind of killing it tonight and Cabrera just took himself out for a hot second there in the top of the sixth. Alonso just missed a home run but it's all good cause Deno comes around to score to make it 7-1 with one out and Alonso on second, yet I'm still extremely bored with this game. Waaaah. Gyorko drives in Alonso and this 8-1 game is scaring me. I can't help but think we are using all our runs up in this series. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we are finally figuring things out and this isn't just luck.

Guess what guys, Matt Kemp is killing it today. His offense has been just as bad as his defense tonight and it is amazing. Karma's a real bitch, ain't it?? Kemp is so on fire that they took him out before the seventh inning started. Ya know, didn't want to rub it in our faces. Nick is kicking ass still and weirding me out. This is not the Nick I'm used to. Also, Marquis is batting for himself in the top of the seventh and might just be the only Padres starter to stay in the game this long.

Marquis starts the 7th with 82 pitches and now I'm sure that Volquez thinks there's some black magic happening. Marquis starts the 8th at 94 pitches and is definitely the only Padres starter to go this far all season. Welp, 107 pitches and 3 hits in 7 2/3 innings before Marquis gets pulled. Whatever, we got this. Yuck, Cashner is in. So the FSSD twitter account said "Cashner for the save in the bottom of the 8th" uhh... Please tell me how you figure it's a save situation in the 8th inning with an 8-1 lead. I'll wait.

The Dodgers opt to hit Blanks to start off the 9th because ya know he was totally crowding the plate and they had to retaliate from Marquis hitting Sellers earlier. If you haven't figured me out by now, that was sarcasm as is just about everything I write. Alexi knocks in another run and now we are leading 9-1. I really, really, REALLY like these Padres. Fuck you, Cashner for walking Twat Waffle Supreme when you had the chance to get him to hit into a double play and end the game. Fuck you very much. I'm so not impressed with Cashner and his walking another batter to load the bases, pisses me the fuck off. Go away. I don't like you and you can't locate to save your life tonight. I know I've written this before but what damn good does it do us if you can reach 100 mph if you can't fucking locate?! Aaaaand Cashner walks in a run. Are you fucking kidding me?! Get your shit together or get the fuck out of the game. Now do you guys see why he is in the bullpen instead of the starting rotation?? Finally Cashner ends the game but not after making me lose my fucking mind. I do believe I lost count how many times I yelled "fuck" or a variation of it at my tv. Whatever, the Padres win 9-2 and finally take a series.

Record: 4-10

Monday, April 15, 2013

Happy Jackie Robinson Day!!

I'm kinda pissed the Padres broadcast didn't show Harrison Ford throwing out the first pitch. I have an old man crush on him so this saddens me. However, Cabrera started the game off with a single so that's good and the clips of Jackie Robinson are awesome. Unfortunately Cabrera was the only good thing to happen in our half of the first. So not only do I miss my old man crush but we strand a runner at third AND gave away outs in the process?! Fuck that.

Aww crap, two outs and the bases loaded for Twat Waffle Supreme and I can only hope that nothing comes out of this. Thank you baby Jesus for getting Ethier out. I don't think my little heart could have handled it had he cleared the bases.

HOLY THREE RUN SHOT, BATMAN!! Stults, our starting pitcher, just crushed a ball for a 3 run shot to give us the early 3-0 lead. LOVE IT!! Oh and to make that home run better, it was his first career home run. Mid discussion about Crawford's different shoes, Adrian doubles in a run to make it 3-1 and now I'm just really annoyed with him. Now, back to Crawford's fashion statement. I would have enjoyed the look a lot better had he worn a white sock to pair with the blue shoe and left the blue sock to pair with the white shoe. That would have been super fancy and my inner 5 year old would have loved it.

It's only the fourth inning but I don't know what's more shocking, that the Dodgers are playing nice or that Enberg has been able to keep track with everyone wearing 42. I've barely been able to keep track of everyone and I can do it on a regular basis. Enberg, however, confuses guys when they aren't wearing the same number. Crap, I hate Crawford. He just singled in the Dodgers second run of the game, cutting our lead to one.

Can we PLEASE not blow this?! Please?! Apparently that was too much to ask for as the Dodgers just tied the game. F. U. As if tying the game wasn't bad enough Stults decided he needed to help the Dodgers and balk a runner to second. What the hell, bro?! They don't need our help.

With runners on first and third with no outs, the Padres continue this nonsense bunting crap. It only took two bunts gone foul to call it off, thank God because if it didn't we wouldn't have the bases loaded now. With the bases loaded, Paco walked in the go ahead run. Thank you kindly, sir. A lucky double play all but clears the bases for the Padres but puts us up another run, making it a 5-3 game with a runner on third.

So during that inning Casey Kelly retweeted me and I totally fangirled about that which is really odd.
Yes, I like Kelly but he's no Cory. Plus, it's not like I haven't had other players RT me or DM me or whatever in the past, so believe me when I say me fangirling is really odd. Now, I do like that he's tweeting during the game but I'd much rather him be sitting in that dugout waiting for his turn in the rotation. 

Seriously, they have shown me Mattingly too many times tonight and I want to punch him in the face. Every time I look at him now I can't help but see the whiny little bitch he was Thursday night during his post game interview. I can do with never seeing him again.

So when does the old Luke come back?? Ya know, the one you trusted when he got put into the game. I miss him. This one right now has the tying runs on with no outs. Wherever you are, old Luke, please come back. So umm Dodgers bunt the runners over and no one was covering third. Whoever didn't cover third, I now hate you. I don't want to see the tying runs in scoring positions with one out. NOT OKAY. Thank you Luke for looking the runner back to third and getting the out at first and a double thank you Alonso for getting the runner out by a mile at home to get us out of the inning. That was beautiful. 

Oooooh, the Dodgers opt to load the bases for the Padres with one out and Blanks up. Hmm, this may work in our favor and I really hope it does. And umm Enberg just said  that he hopes Kyle doesn't shoot Blanks... DEAD. Blanks flies out to Kemp but a run scores and on an error on Kemp, the runners advance. I'll allow it and more than approve of the Padres 6-3 lead. As the game went to commercial they showed a pitcher getting ready to come into the game, it was Street. You know how I could tell that was Street getting ready to come in?? His ridiculously tight pants. I'm still concerned for his boy parts. Seriously, I don't think I will ever not be concerned for them. Huston didn't scare me too terribly much AND the final out of the game was Kemp. Best way to end a game ever. The Padres win this one 6-3 and a Happy Jackie Robinson Day to all.

Record: 3-10

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Dear Padres, You Confuse Me

There's not much to write about so far in this game but it's apparently misting and one of the unnecessary in game reporters is complaining. She literally just complained about her hair getting wet and when Enberg asked about an umbrella she said "If you pull out the umbrella you look high maintenance"... Umm, you just complained about your hair getting wet, I do believe that makes you high maintenance already. I'm honest to God trying to not hate these in game reporters but they make it so hard not to. Plus I've been watching the Padres forever and they never needed in game reporters before FSSD.

Clayton is kind of killing it today and if this goes like it did with the Reds game, I just jinxed it. Sorry in advance. I'm very impressed with Alonso's defense today. I've yet to have to yell at him like last season. What a difference a season makes.

UGH, Helton with a two run home run, that wouldn't have been out last season, to break up the 0-0 tie. I'd really love to know what goes on in the minds of the Padres staff. Who thought that moving in the fences was going to be a good idea?! I may be wrong but I don't believe the change have benefited the Padres in regards to home runs. It has, however, benefited everyone else like I said it would when the change was first brought up. So, apparently I am right and all the Padres home runs so far would have been out no matter what. Super glad you guys wasted money on changes the dimensions.

This game has been especially boring. I don't know what it's going to take to get the Padres to wake up besides fights but we can't be doing that every game. Can someone provide the team with hookers?? It's scientifically proven that sex before an athletic performances boosts testosterone levels sooooo yeah, get on that Padres. Betancourt is completely locked in today as shown by his back to back walks to start the Padres half of the ninth. UGH Guzman bunted the runner over. WHY?! Betancourt just walked the first two batters and you're gonna bunt?! Thanks for wasting an out when we could have potentially had the bases loaded on walks. Gyorko flies out to right to drive in Cabrera and give us two outs with the game resting on Nicks shoulders. It's only fitting that Nick strikes out to end the game. That bunting play is looking super great now, isn't it??

Record: 2-10

Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Lackluster Team Makes For A Lackluster Post

I'm doing this one a bit different today. I don't really feel like doing it at all but whatever.


  • Volquez makes me sad
  • Cabrera leadoff triple, wtf?!
  • Alonso ties the game at 1 on a sac fly
  • Volquez gives up a two run shot -__-
  • 52 pitches... in 2 innings
  • 5-1 Rockies... in 3 innings
  • 81 pitches... in 3 innings
  • Venable leadoff double
  • Cabrera RBI single 5-2 Rockies
  • Alonso flies out on a 3-0 pitch, stupid
  • Cabrera makes the third out at third like a dumbfuck
  • 6-2 Rockies in 3.1 innings
  • 96 pitches in 3.1 innings. Volquez is out,9 it's about damn time
  • Weber replaces Volquez and continues with the giving up home run things, 8-2 Rockies
  • It only took 5 innings before the Padres had a quick inning
  • 9-2 Rockies... in 6 innings
  • 9-3 Rockies... in 7, Venable solo home run
  • 9-4 Rockies... in 7, Cabrera home run
  • Fun fact: Cabrera is a double away from the cycle
  • Deno nearly got drilled in the head and Cabrera looked like he was about to charge the mound for him
  • 9-5 Rockies... in 8. What the fuck is going on here?!
  • Cabrera goes 4 for 4 tonight and in true Padres fashion, doesn't hit for the cycle
  • Padres lose 9-5 but what else is new??
All I have to say about this game, fuck Volquez and thank you for not letting someone like Cabrera get the cycle.

Record: 2-9

Friday, April 12, 2013

Let the Losing Streak Continue...

Carlos Quentin is officially every Padres fans hero after being villainized by just about everyone else. He got an 8 game suspension, JHJ received a one game suspension while Kemp and Greinke received none. Both Kemp and Greinke are more than deserving of suspensions. Greinke instigated and Kemp wouldn't shut the fuck up and continued to bring drama well after the game ended. Real classy, Kemp, real classy. Oh and his comment about this shit being something that happens in the minors and not the majors just made him look like a bigger douche for trying to continue it after the game. You, sir, have lost any respect that I had for you.

Now on to todays business, Jon Garland on my tv. Yum. Unfortunately the Padres are already turning this into an ugly game and not a "sweet there's a fight" kind of ugly. The Rockies are leading 2-0 with the bases loaded and one out... and it's only the first inning. Ross, get your shit together, Quentin can't be starting fights every day. Luckily Ross got out of the inning with only giving up two runs. Thank you baby Jesus, Alonso just tied the game up with a two run shot to center. So very pretty.

The Rockies take the lead back with a solo shot to center that Venable JUST missed. Had he jumped a split second later, he would have robbed it and we'd be happy. I love that Will flat out showed his frustration with missing it. Thank you for showing emotion. Nick starts off the bottom half of the fifth with a double. Why the hell didn't he do that when we needed it last night?! Will singles in Nick and Will had some kind of brain fart and got picked off first. STUPID. At least the games tied at 3 now. Cabrera got on somehow and I stopped caring until they kept throwing over. At that point I felt the need to inform twitter that if he get picked off that I'm going to kick his Nicaraguan ass... he got caught stealing. I'm not amused.

In the bottom of the seventh, Nick doubles in Gyorko from first which just barely beat the throw home. While CarGo was trying to get Gyorko out, Nick took third and there's only one out. That call at home was closer than I'd like and so have been other plays. My poor throat hurts from last night still. Will singled in Nick to make it 5-3, yay!! Crap!! Helton crushed a double to bring in a run off Luke. This isn't the Luke we know and love. I missed it but there was a play at the plate that was late and now it's tied again.

Good Lord, Venable and Kotsay run into each other and make me audibly gasp again. STOP IT!! My throat can't take this right now. I feel like I've been swallowing knives and all these gasping plays hurt. Fowler hit another home run and it's not 6-5 Rockies. Fowler officially owns the Padres. Street gives up another home run and it's 7-5. I nigh nigh. I don't know how but I'm positive the unnecessary tightness of Street's pants is the reason he's pitching like complete shit. As per usual, we lost and I'm indifferent about it. At least the last two losses have been fun ones.

Record: 2-8

One Fight, Two Fight, Drunk Fight, Twitter Fight

So this post is coming to you later than normal because for one, I was at the game and for two, I was freezing balls AND too hyped up from the fights to write this when I got home. As you can guess from the title this will be less about the game and more about the fights. So now that I've had sleep and a chance to calm down from the game, with a super hot man voice, let's get down to it.

One Fight:
Quentin's fight
Greinke and Quentin have a history. Greinke hit Quentin, and with the game being 2-1 and the count being what, 3-2?? I highly doubt hitting Quentin was intentional. HOWEVER, Greinke mouthed off and that's what started this whole thing. Yes, Quentin gets hit A LOT but he's never fully charged the mound like he did last night. Clearly, the history mixed with the mouthing off set him off. Greinke can see, as everyone else, that Quentin has a good 40 pounds on him and to provoke him by saying "fuck you" AFTER hitting him was probably not his smartest move. Well, that or the whole dropping his shoulder as a failed attempt to defend himself. Either way, Greinke's actions lead him to the DL with a fractured collarbone. Sure, Quentin could have just taken his base but he had obviously reached his point with the little bitch and sure the umpires or anyone else near Quentin could have held him back like has been done in the past but they didn't. To say this is Quentins fault is completely unfair. You can't honestly tell me that not one person on the field had no idea there was history between them and that something was bound to happen. No one tried to stop it until it was too late and that's not Quentins fault.

Two Fight:
Alonso's fight

Shortly after the relievers returned to their bullpens, they were running back out on the field because Alonso was about to get into it with, who I later found out was Jerry Hairston Jr. and it looked to me that Matt Kemp was getting in on that too. Now, I don't know what was said to cause this fight but from what I heard, JHJ was mouthing off and Alonso didn't like it. Now, this fight didn't last as long but it was still full of excitement because let's face it, fights are fun to watch.



Drunk Fight: 
Now towards the eighth or ninth inning there was what I can only assume was a drunk fight between Dodgers fans and Padres fans down the third base line. This fight was complete with douches taking off their shirts, getting in peoples faces, security and handcuffs.

Twitter Fight:
Twitter 'fight'
When I got home, naturally I logged into twitter and my timeline was exploding with tweets about the fight and retweets about Dodgers fans being little whiny bitches because of the fight. I made comments like "Dear Greinke, you shouldn't run your mouth at a guy that's got about 40 pounds on you THEN drop your shoulder when he charges" that were retweeted into others timelines along with the tweet to the left and others. Now, I don't know if Dodgers fans were trolling or what but I did get a few, literally a few, people tweet me in response to my comments. One from a Dodgers fan who was actually not a douche about it. One from a Rockies fan who quite frankly needed to STFU with this "have fun in last place" business. Did he forget he's a Rockies fan and what place they came in last season?? Then we've got this twat waffle over here calling me a twat for commenting about Dodgers fangirls being on their phones the entire game instead of watching it. These girls also didn't show up until the third inning, took selfies as soon as they got there then went on to not watch the game but ya know, I'm the twat for going to a game and actually watching it. Fun fact, the dude deleted his tweet within an hour or so of tweeting it and never did respond to my reply.

 Now, when I got home I learned that Don Mattingly is a whiney bitch and Greinke is just a bitch. Their post game interviews were ridiculous. Mattingly with his bullshit "Quentin shouldn't be allowed to play until Greinke can" nonsense. Maybe you should teach your pitchers not to drop their shoulder into a guy that's got a good 40 pounds on him and used to play football and he wouldn't be out for two months. Greinke was trying to play the innocent card and make Quentin look like the bad guy when Quentin was completely upfront about everything and acknowledged that throughout their history he had never acted in the fashion he did last night. Oh yeah, Matt Kemp is a bitch too for trying to start shit after the game only to have Clayton step in and look like he was about to bench press him for fun. What was lost in all this madness yesterday, Quentin didn't break himself which is shocking since he's made out of glass and he was the only Padres player ejected. Good stuff.

I have to say this to those who make comments about cheering for injuries being classless or tactless or whatever, I better not see/hear you talking about boxing or UFC or anything like that. Cheering for injuries is not tactless or classless when there are sports devoted to beating the shit out of people. Get off your high horses. Injuries happen and as with booing, sometimes cheering for them is not done out of hate. I look at Greinke's injury as a 'sweet, we don't have to face an amazing pitcher for the next two months' kind of way and not as a 'sweet, he's hurt. Hahahaha.' kind of way. Though injuries do fascinate me and if a fight breaks out or what have you, yes I will cheer for an injury but not in a malicious way. Anyway, the Padres might have lost the game and the series but we sure as hell won the fight and I can't wait to see how the rest of the series' go for these two teams.

Record: 2-7

 PS: Guys, I deserve a medal or something because I didn't cuss once at the game!! Or start any fights of my own with the stupid Dodgers Barbies.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Most Fun Loss On the Face of the Earth

First pitch strikes make me happy. No sooner did I finish typing that did a second pitch home run happen. I don't like second pitch home runs or the fact that the Dodgers are already winning. Fuck this shit, second inning and a second Dodgers home run is hit?! 3-0 Dodgers. No me gusta!! Note to the Padres, Don't talk to Clayton during a game ever again. He calls for a double play, we get a two run home run. He calls for settling in, the Dodgers single. Bad job Clayton.

So the rally monkey the Padres introduced last night was already super cute to begin with but finding out that Cam's son made it for the team makes it even cuter. As I'm talking about the rally monkey, Deno doubled in Will and now we won't be shutout, hooray!! Clearly, just speaking about the rally monkey causes it's powers to work. Well crap, we need to talk about the rally monkey some more because the Dodgers just took back that run and now it's 4-1.

This game is quite boring right now and I really don't feel like trying to write anything else on here. If you are wondering how bored I am with this game, I went into full girl mode and realized that Venable's ass is very nice during the top half of the sixth. That girl moment just made me remember an epicly hilarious conversation I had with a friend last season and now I'm laughing my ass off over that instead of dwelling on the 4-1 game. So far the highlight of the game was the twitter poll where we were asked what our favorite addition to the park was, the fences got 0% of the vote. I bet they feel super smart for moving in the fences now. Ya know, if Uribe's home run that wouldn't have been a home run before didn't already do so.

So, I started paying attention to the game again and then they showed Cory and I've spent the rest of the inning gawking at him. Excuse me for having a super girly day today. How did I know Alonso was going to be moved to second to start the top of the ninth?! It just made sense in my brain but usually that makes no sense anywhere else. Clearly, my twitter feed doesn't get the move and I can't explain why it makes perfect sense to me. Alonso showed that he doesn't belong at second and then the Padres move him to third to play Gyorko at second. I am utterly confused now and the damn Twat Waffle Supreme is up with his stupid smirk. Dear Thatcher (who I will now refer to as Drew Carey), please get Ethier out. I'll take drilling him too except for the fact that now the penis wrinkles have the bases loaded with one out.... Also, Alonso is back at second. Confused is an understatement now but I have to admit, this is very fun to watch. I mean we clearly aren't going to win many games so making moves that make everyone do a double take is about as much fun as we will get. Just please don't do this tomorrow, I will never be able to keep track at the game.

Fun fact, Nick is 4 for 4 tonight and to celebrate, he kept grabbing his junk while chilling at second. STOP IT, that's not cute. Venable knocks in Hundley to make it 4-2 with two outs in the bottom half of the ninth. Are the wheels coming off for the Dodgers now?! So Deno strikes out but the ball gets away from the catcher so he's safe at first and a run scores to make it 4-3. This game has officially made me nervous for the first time all season. Alonso popped up and we lost but holy shit was that a fun game after awhile.

Record: 2-7

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Padres Win 9-3, Is This Real Life?!

Happy home opener, bitches!! To be perfectly honest, I'm not expecting this to be a good game and hope it's not since I'm not there and have to see everyone else rubbing it in like they did fanfest. For the record, I hate you all. Now, let's beat the penis wrinkles!!

Clayton starts the game with a leadoff walk, super. This is not how you should start a game ever, much less the home opener. Okay, game starts off with a leadoff walk followed promptly by a single, not good. With two on and one out, Clayton gets to face Adrian. BOOOOOOOOOOO!! Motherfucker, Clayton walked Adrian. If you're going to give him a free base, can you at least hit him instead?? Seriously. Clayton gets out of the inning with an awesome double play that I did not expect the Padres to pull off. A 1-2-3 DP or 1-2-4, not sure who was covering first but either way, it was spectacular and gave me a little glimpse of what we are actually capable of doing.

Welp, Venable gets the Padres going with a solo shot off the first pitch he sees like a boss. That home run would have gone out whether or not the dimensions had changes, so CLEARLY, that was money well spent. The Padres are leading 1-0 in the first off Beckett. Shocking!! Alonso, once again, gets a hit when I'm not looking. I see how it is. Good Lord, what has gotten into these boys, 2-0 in the first?! I guess it's good to be home. Seriously, these are not my Padres. I don't know where they are but I like these ones better, a lot better. I hope they plan on sticking around.

Twat Waffle Supreme gets on in a stupid play and instead of the Padres getting a double play, the Padres we know and hate showed up and now there's two on with no outs instead of vice versa. Way to take the wind out of my sails. We promptly get a double play with the next batter but, I'm not comfortable with the Twat Waffle Supreme being on their even if it is Beckett up to bat now. Two innings, two jams and two scoreless innings. I can do without the james and the stress, guys, just saying.

The home plate ump is being a douche lord calling interference on Quentin. Ummm, Quentin didn't do anything except look up to make sure the ball wasn't going to land on his head, the penis wrinkle ran into him. Douche lord!! Apparently it was because he was out of the batters box, whatever. FUCK, tied ball game thanks to Uribe's home run. Good thing they moved in the fences...

Clayton is pissing me off today. He's not on as much as I wish he was and his pitch count is too high for my liking, around 100 pitches in 5 innings, no bueno. Welp, the Padres take back the lead with a Hundley home run. Yes, I said Hundley. Black made an odd choice in pinch hitting Stults for Clayton. AWKWARD. I love that no one on my twitter timeline knows why Stults was pinch hitting. This is going to drive me crazy but I'll end up turning the post game show off before there's an explanation.

Welp, we bring in Thatcher to pitch to Adrian and he singles/drives in a run and bye bye Thatcher. That's gotta feel good. You have ONE thing to do and you can't do it and now you get to sit and dwell on it. Sorry. Did I mention that it tied up the game?? Cause it did. Boo. Kotsay doubles to give the Padres back the lead and now I think he needs an oxygen mask. Sweet deal, the Padres load the bases with two out because the Dodgers drilled Quentin in the wrist and now Quentin is out of the game. Twenty bucks, it's his hamate bone. Black is making some odd choices today. First Stults pinch hitting and now Ross pinch running. He does realize he needs someone to replace Quentin in left, right?? Why waste another body instead of say, putting Deno into run since you'll probably put him in anyway. Unless they opted to use Kotsay which they didn't since they just showed me Deno like I called it. What the fuck, Black?! You're confusing me today.

The first two Padres batters in the 8th have been walked. Time to add on here boys but no, you make Cam bunt and waste an out. Fuck you. I HATE wasting outs!! Deno tacks on another run driving in Alexi on a single to make it 5-3 Padres. I'm still mad about the bunting though. Padres load the bases with two outs and I'm not expecting much out of this but stranger things have happened. HOLY FUCK!! Venable with a bases clearing triple to make it 8-3. Is this real life?! Alonso about takes the head off the Dodgers pitcher and then Adrian can't make the play and the Padres take a 9-3 lead all while I'm laughing hysterically at the Dodgers. It's a lot more fun when the other team is the one being embarrassing. The Padres load the bases again and this inning is reminiscent of the Reds Cards 9th inning yesterday. Except ya know, we didn't score as many runs as the Reds did or put as many batters up but still we kinda blew the game open here. WOOOOOOH!! Padres take the home opener and give us all a little hope for the future. Please don't let today be a fluke. I liked these Padres.

Record: 2-5

Sunday, April 7, 2013

It's All In the Head

I managed to turn the game on about 20 minutes before it actually started and heard Grant and Enberg talking about Volquez's issues. The thing that stood out to me, aside from them calling him a headcase, was how it is literally his head that is screwing him up. Basically, they said that Volquez doesn't realize that your head controls your body. As a gymnast, you learn this early. If your head moves to one side or the other during a dismount or whatever, your body will go off to that side. The fact that a professional athlete doesn't know this or understand this or what have you, concerns me. I'd think that would be something every athlete knows and at the very least, should know before they reach the professional level. With that said, I hope Volquez doesn't drive me batshit today.

Well fuck a duck. Two batters into the bottom half of the first and it's a 2-0 lead thanks to Fowler murdering that pitch. I'm beginning to think that even I could get a hit off Volquez. Cheese and crackers. I quit. We aren't even done with a full inning and I've already begun my "Padres depression" eating. Fan-fucking-tastic. It's a damn good thing that I can't gain weight or I'd be 500 pounds by now and it's only the sixth game of the season. DEPRESSING. Shockingly Volquez was able to get out of the second inning with only 11 pitches. It's a baseball miracle!! Then again, the Rockies pitcher did get a base hit so maybe miracle is an overstatement. To sum up how this season is going to go, Mark Grant just compared the Padres to the Titanic... let that one sink in. No pun intended.

It only took four innings but the Padres finally scored and it only took five for me to completely check out of the game. Ugh, the Rockies scored another run to make it 4-1 and yet, I've missed the third run. As if we didn't already know that Volquez is a little on the headcase side, they showed him hitting things out of frustration. Please don't go the Zambrano route.

FUCK!! Rockies with another home run to make it 7-1... and I should have turned the game off when I checked out in the 5th. We aren't coming back from that. Somehow Enberg thinks that if we had Headley and Grandal in the lineup that we would be doing a lot better. Because ya know, Headley and Grandal will magically make pitching better. It doesn't matter much if we have some guys that can hit if we still get out hit. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the game revolves around pitching.

A Rockies triple makes it 8-1 followed by a Rockies single to make it 9-1 in the eighth. Fuck you, bro, fuck you. I'm really wishing there was a 10 run rule thing going on to put us all out of our misery. If I've learned anything during this game is that the Padres think too much. They need to stop thinking and just play. Everything is so much simpler when you don't have to think and you can just do.

Record: 1-5

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Awkward

Let's cut to the chase, Garland is on my tv and I'm not going to be mad if he kicks our ass. The better he does, the longer I get to stare at him. However, the minute he gets taken out we need to immediately get our asses back on track and win this shit.

Waaah, the Rockies scored first. Way to take away my baseball high. Padres are losing 1-0 and my favorite in game reporting has to go ahead and pop up and annoy me more than this small deficit. No shit, new chick, it's hard to read the ball off the bat. I didn't need you to relay that info from Cam or Roberts to me. Pretty sure it's common sense to anyone who has spent even one drill in the outfield. Can we please just get rid of the in game reporting?? It's going to drive me batshit.

Two back to back hits for the Padres followed by a walk, loads the bases with no outs in the top of the four and we have a chance to test my theory from last season. We did get a run in though it leaves a perfect opening for a double play to end the inning. Yep, called that double play. Now Cam, clearly didn't watch that episode of Sport Science where sliding into a base is actually slower than running it out. I'm not saying he would have been safe had he ran it out because I didn't see just how close it was but he would have made it even closer. As for my theory, I'll pass for now.

Ugh, Cabrera fucks up and that fuck up allows the Rockies to take back the lead. Seriously, someone remind me why we still have Cabrera. Rockies scored again and all my baseball high that I had at the start of the game and the little I regained when we tied it, is beyond gone. Why do we have to do stupid shit all the time?! And again, with the awkward and stupid shit to make it 4-1 Rockies and to think, we had a bases loaded, no outs chance and we only got one run out of that. Le sigh. Isn't this the kind of shit they're supposed to work on during spring training?? If not, they might want to consider it for next year.

Quentin's double in the top of the six allows for him to be driven in to make it a 4-2 game before more stupid shit happens and the inning ends. Quentin does not belong on an NL team. I don't care what you say, his knee is a liability and that slide he did to make a double, scared me. Don't do that!! You're fragile.

Welp, the Padres aren't coming back from this one. Cashner gives up a two run shot to make it 6-2 in the seventh. Good fucking job, Cashner. Thanks for reminding me why I hate you... besides that disgusting beard. Yes, I realize we are playing at Coors Field and anything can happen but it's the Padres, we are done. Yay!! Some of  the awkward and stupid shit happened to the Rockies and we scored. Shortly after, a fan ran on the field and we don't get to see it. WAAAAAAAAAH. I want to see it!! I need some entertainment if the Padres are going to lose this 6-3.

Record: 1-4

Friday, April 5, 2013

Welp, We Aren't Starting a Win Streak Today

It's a miracle, the Padres got a win yesterday and I'm awake in time for todays game. Awake, not functional. Be very prepared for a post that makes even less sense than normal as I attempt to write about the baseball battle between us and the Rockies. This whole day games thing is very rude and uncalled for. Baseball is made to be played at night... unless you're in Wrigley Field. I like it a lot better getting to turn the game on at night and end my day with it. Needless to say, I can't wait until there's some normalcy. Ha, normalcy, in baseball?! That's a good one.

The Padres did something it took about two and a half games to do last time, score first. I'd be excited but I'm a full on zombie right now. Also, kind of hard to be excited when you realize Marquis is the starter in this makeshift rotation. The Rockies tied the game in the bottom of the third, no thanks to Cabrera's bobbling action. Fuck, Tulo and his two run double to give the Rockies the 3-1 lead. Can we please catch a break here?!

Aside from the Rockies scoring, Miss wanna be E! News host decided to tell us that she was planning on blocking a ball with her laptop, her bright ass pink laptop. Between her having a pink laptop and her fabulous nose job and engagement reporting, I believe she's with the wrong network. She does realize that she's a sports reporter and not working for E! right?? I mean, don't get me wrong, I wish I had a pink laptop and have wanted one ever since I saw Legally Blonde but for that to be the laptop you bring to work, not ok. I'm not trying to intentional hate her like I have every other chick sports reporter but she is making it WAY too easy. As someone who has been called a cleat chaser because I appreciate the attractiveness of players, she is not doing anything to prove to me that she's not trying extra hard to be one. She looks like she's trying to play up the pretty girl card. Obviously with this rant, the Padres haven't done anything worth writing about right now. Sorry.

Crap, the Rockies just hit a HR and for a second I thought it was us and yelled "heyyyyyyy" before I realized that wasn't us. Told you, zombie mode. Fuck!! Rockies with another HR to make it 5-1. I do like that they play Vengaboys every time one is hit though. That at least makes me start singing the song instead of yelling at the shitty pitching. However, I'd rather not have the song stuck in my head the rest of the day.

Woot, the Padres score in the top of the 8th putting us down by only 3 now. And we have it, the first audible "oooooh" of the season. Deno makes a fantabulous catch in the bottom half of the 8th to rob a hit from CarGo. And we also have the first audible "oh Cam" of the season. He would have had an amazing diving catch had he been able to make it. So sad!! On to the 9th and hopefully we can pull some runs out of our asses and win this game. Yeah, we couldn't pull anything out of our asses except a base hit, waaaaaah.

Record: 1-3

Thursday, April 4, 2013

That First Win Is Finally Out of the Way

There should be no surprise as why this post is ridiculously late. Yes, I was still sleeping. It was completely unintentional for one, I forgot there was a game on at the asscrack of dawn and for two, I felt like shit on a stick all night.

I don't know how I missed the cowbell the last two games but todays has been annoying as all hell. No, we don't need more cowbell. Also, how the hell did I miss the ginger on the Mets?! I really need to start paying more attention to these games.

Kotsay is constantly surprising me this year with his hustle. That hustle allowed for the Padres to take the first lead of the series, very exciting. I don't know about you, but I keep reading that sarcastically. Not how I meant it to be, I'm just tired still. Yes, I'm well aware that it's late in the day but remember, shit on a stick.

Can someone please explain to me why we needed to know that Venable got engaged on Easter?? What the fuck does that have to do with the game?! NOTHING. Stop it with this whole turning the game into an E! News-esque report. I guarantee that the guys watching could care less and a lot of the girls watching are probably thinking "dammit, time to mark him off my cleat chasing list". Then there's me who's slotted in with the guys.

After Kotsay being thrown out by a mile, I retract my previous statement. Whose bright idea was it to send him?! He had to have done that on his own. No way, Roberts sends him, he's a tad bit on the old side.

The Padres load the bases in the seventh, as you all know since you guys watch this before I was even awake. I'm shocked cheers all over SD didn't wake me up, I kid. Venable so narrowly missed a grand slam and I'd be excited about it had I not had a spoiler alert on twitter. The Padres got an insurance run in the eighth. Again, I'd be more excited about it but again, twitter spoiler alert. Huston comes in and does his best Heath Bell impression but it doesn't matter because the Padres win 2-1 and we can all breathe a sigh of relief that the first win is finally out of the way.

Record: 1-2

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Thank God For Free Extra Innings...

I'm going to be perfectly honest here which shouldn't be anything new but I have paid absolutely no attention to the Padres game. I walked away from the game for a minute at one point only to come back and find that Clayton gave up a two run shot. The three games I wanted to watch today all started at the same time so I've been splitting time between the Reds, Indians and of course the Padres. However, with the way the Padres have been playing, I demoted them to the small screen on picture in picture. They will remain there until they stop playing like shit.... or the free preview of extra innings goes away. Even then, I'm sure I'll have plenty of episodes of the Big Bang Theory to watch while the Padres sit in the small screen.

Shortly after I switched game priorities, Alonso apparently hurt himself in the same way the caused my brother to break his arm back when he was in high school or on a travel team, I don't know, I was like 5 when it happened. I'd explain it but I wasn't paying close attention to it and you probably saw it anyway. FYI, Padres, I can play first but I won't bring a bat like we apparently so desperately needed instead of that pitching the you traded away which coincidently is having a pretty amazing game so far today. Good job, Padres, good fucking job.

Apparently it's cold in NY because the Padres are looking like ninjas right now and it's quite comical. Maybe if they actually did something besides suck, they'd be warm and not need to look like fucktards. Seriously though, I need a full body suit of whatever it is that's making them look like ninjas because ya know, I'm a pile of skin and bones and am cold if it's below 80. Somehow we scored a run so at least we won't be getting shutout. It's those small victories that matter. Oh hey, we scored again. I clearly missed that while remembering that I've only eaten a slice of apple pie today... oops. The Padres started scoring some more because the Mets are apparently letting the cold get to them and are suffering from hypothermia. I mean that's the only explanation. They're still losing 8-4 but hey, at least it's not 8-0 anymore.

Aside from the 9th inning comeback attempt, the most exciting part of the game today, the commercial for 42. I don't remember if I've blogged about this before but I pretty much hate baseball related movies. Weird, right?? Given how much I love all things baseball, baseball movies are not a top priority... except for Rookie of the Year, though that kid reminded me of my brother when I was little so there's that. But with all this said, I really want to see 42. Oh yeah, the other exciting part of the game, showing us the view from behind the catcher and me deciding that needs to be in 3D. Make it happen.

Record: 0-2