Thursday, March 29, 2012

Who Do I Have to Sleep With to Get Us a Good Owner?!

Since Moorad dropped out of buying the Padres, or however you wish to word it, there have been jokes flying around on Twitter about getting Snoop Dogg to buy them. Based off a previous post where I quoted Snoop and Dre you should know that I would be down to have this happen. Although, I feel like Snoop would be a better fit for the Giants... him, Zito and Lincecum could figure out a way to hotbox the bullpen before their starts. Anyway, among the jokes there have been some legit candidates that us fans would be willing to have buy the team and by candidates I mean Mark Cuban. Despite the seriousness of wanting him to buy the club I tweeted this the other night in part because I was trying to joke to take my mind off everything I was stressing about but I was also partially serious...

I was serious in the sense that IF the only way possible for Mark Cuban to be allowed to buy the Padres is by sleeping with someone I would be terrified to offer myself for complete fear of that person turning out to be Bud Selig or anyone else with old wrinkly #balls (insert the clip from Big Daddy here). Here is where the post goes from baseball to well, just balls but don't worry I will get back on track... eventually. We all know that balls are not one of the most attractive parts of the male anatomy but somehow we manage to look past it and have our fun getting it in whether it's for personal gain, love or just because it's fun. Plus you can always count it as getting your cardio in for the day and perhaps your stretching too. With that being said, wrinkly balls are a different story, for me at least. Here's some insight to how my mind works when it comes to offering my "services" for the betterment of the team. I'd like to thank @SDfan4life for having this conversation with me...

 

For some reason the MIB and antidepressant tweets got switched but nonetheless you get the point. Wrinkly balls are not ones to be messed with unless its a dire circumstance, or you know, you're a gold digger. As much as I love my Padres and want them to have an amazing owner I do not consider this a dire circumstance. If any of you female or male fans think this is, feel free to get it in with some wrinkly balls if you think it will help.

Now back to Mark Cuban, I honestly don't know much about him aside from him owning a basketball team and showing interest in buying the Dodgers before Magic Johnson's group eventually won that "honor". However, I have heard that he is a rare breed, one of those guys who actually cares about the team whether or not they are making a shit ton of money off them and actually shows up and sits front row at the games and cheers. What kind of owner does that?! Everything else I know about him I know from watching TMZ and he seems like a totally awesome guy and would probably draw more attention to the team based off the fact that he is the owner rather than how the team is doing. I may have just stolen that from another blog. If I did than I'm sorry but you made a good point and I had to steal it. Besides if he does draw more attention to the Padres for being the owner then why not?? We always bitch that the only time the Padres are on SportsCenter is when we lose and with him as the owner maybe we would be on there more often, win or lose.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Spring Training: A Short Lifetime Later

Once again I'm starting a post off by apologizing for my pro slacking skills. I'm assuming by now you guys are all sick of hearing me apologize and quite frankly, I'm sick of apologizing but here I go again... this post should have been written a week ago and I'm just now getting around to it, sorry. Okay, with that out of the way lets recap my first ever Spring Training trip.

Now that I'm about to get into the actual trip, I want to start off by thanking my friend for letting us stay at her place as well as for putting up with our unfortunate sleep habits/timing while she had work and school to deal with. An example of these habits included arriving about 1:30AM on St. Patrick's Day and waking up at 6 something only to be in an extremely delusional state for the next hour or so before we discovered the joys Arizona has to offer, aka Dunkin Donuts.

March 17
Arrival, approximately 1:30AM:
Obviously nothing baseball related is going to happen at this time however, epic states of delusion do... especially after a 5 hour car ride with our main source of food coming from Gummy Bears.

Sometime between 1:30 and 3AM... approximately:
By this point it's before the ass crack of dawn and what comes before an ass crack?? A muffin top. So it's the muffin top of dawn and we didn't really feel like living out of a suitcase for the weekend, well at least I didn't, so I unpacked and eventually we fell asleep.

Sometime around 6:30AM:
Again nothing baseball related is happening but my phone goes off with what is basically a good morning text from one of my friends... It's 6:30 in the morning, why are you waking me up?! Better question, why are you THIS awake?! This also lead to more epic states of delusion. Since now it's about 7 and both Steph and myself are awake, no thanks to my friend, we decide to plan which games we will go to for the day.

Approximately 8:30/9AM:
We decide we are going to the Reds Indians game at 1 and the Royals Padres game at 7. Perfect!! This leaves us plenty of time to go back to bed, get Dunkin Donuts and get ready before the Indians game. WRONG!! Fast forward about 5 hours...

Approximately the 4th inning: 
What's up Goodyear?! Pretty much the game, and by game I mean like 2 innings (we were hungry and had to make it back to Mesa to change for the Padres game), went like this, "Oooh there's Hafner!!", "I wish Grady wasn't hurt, I want to creep on him", "Oh hey, I found Latos!!", "Hey look, there's Cunningham. I didn't know he went to the Indians" Oh yeah, and security asking us if we were being good. I want to know what it is about Steph and myself that makes security at sporting events think we are up to something.

Around 5PM:
Back in Mesa... "We will meet you guys at 6" <--- pre-gaming plans

Around 7PM:
What's up Peoria?! Yeah, we got to the complex right before the game started... oops. For those who don't know, it's a forty minute drive between Mesa and Peoria. How we managed to be an hour late to EVERYTHING that day I don't know. We spent that game hanging out with our friends and freezing balls in the stupid "Arizona's a desert but I'm trying to rain" wind. I honestly wasn't paying much attention to the game but with Andy Parrino right in front of me for a good portion of it how could you expect me too?!

So I'm tired of chronicling the trip like this because it's making this forever long so I'm going to try and sum up the rest of the trip in small paragraphs.

March 18
Pretty sure we got back to Mesa around 2 or 3AM after hanging out with our friends after the game and I can't for the life of me remember what game we ended up going to that day. All I know is I almost got blown away in those stupid Arizona winds, literally. I also know it wasn't a Padres game since one of the games got cancelled and I think the other was sold out. Pretty sure we were going to hang out with one of my other friends later that day but that didn't happen so enter yet another delusional state, donuts and the Discovery Channel. The combination of those three things had me yelling at the box of donuts like I mentioned in my last post.

March 19
Once again I got woken up with a good morning type text at the under butt of dawn (obviously this was after the ass crack of dawn but still too early for me to be functioning). On the schedule for the day, Richard pitching in a minor league game. An hour after the game started, we got there. The plus side of being late, we got to cut through players parking but lets face it, we are two young, hot girls and even if we were there on time we probably still would have been able to cut through players parking. On our way to the fields we passed Frieri... it was kind of weird being that close to someone you see on TV on a regular basis. We finally get to the fields and couldn't figure out which field Clayton was at that day. By the time we got to either field he wasn't there so we jumped between fields completely unfazed with the grip of minor league players sitting on the bleachers behind us watching the games. Fun fact for you cleat chasers, if just the idea of Spring Training isn't enough to get you off, than minor league games are your paradise. Like I said a grip of them just chill on the bleachers watching the games. Have at it, hookers. I have to note that one of our minor league players name is Powers, the second I saw that I yelled "Kenny fucking Powers". I still don't know his real name but honestly it doesn't matter, he will always be "Kenny fucking Powers" to me. Once again it was freezing balls so we ended up leaving the game early for food. While getting food at the Elephant Bar we got creeped on by some baby Mariners and just laughed.

March 20
Hey, lets go to Padres practice it starts at 9. We were late, again. OK, we can't leave later than noon. Yet again we were late. Five or so hours later we were back in San Diego and I was depressed as hell. Oh yeah, there were some ball straddling moments as seen here:











Well there you have it, a summed up version of my first Spring Training trip PLUS you got to witness my brain create two new expressions, "muffin top of dawn" and "under butt of dawn." Quite frankly I still think I should have stayed in Arizona and caught a ride with one of the Padres back to San Diego.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spring Training: A Prelude

As I'm laying in bed with a box of half a dozen donuts watching Family Guy in an attempt to avoid packing, because packing makes it real and I don't want it to be real, I realized this is my last night at Spring Training. I had planned on making a post every night that I was here and clearly I didn't. You see what had happened was my laptop felt the need to not connect to the internet until tonight. This may or may not have been a good thing. On the one hand you guys missed out on my epically awesome delusional state each night/morning which involved yelling at the aforementioned box of donuts that went something like this, "I can't get it open!! I can smell yooooouuuuuu!!" along with acting like a penguin and almost falling off the bed thanks to watching the Discovery Channel. On the other hand you guys lucked out that we picked the worst weekend to come out so there's not really much to blog about. I will post about the trip when I get home tomorrow, well after I get out of Physics... unless I pass out. I will say this though, for how much we bitched about Arizona, I do not want to leave it just yet.