Thursday, May 31, 2012

Yasmani Called Up and the Side Effects Are Unknown

Word has it that Yasmani Grandal got called up. In light of the news I tweeted the following...
And that tweet lead to me and Scott turning our catchers into various forms of birth control as seen here...

As with any birth control pill Yaz may cause the following side effects; breast tenderness, bleeding or spotting between menstrual periods, nausea, stomach cramps or bloating, vomiting and weight gain. Hopefully Yas doesn't come with the same side effects but the side effects of this move are still unknown and may take awhile to develop. Consult your elder Padres fans if unwanted side effects do appear. They may be able to help you cope with them but not fully eliminate them.

And this is how I manage to make a post on an off-day when I hadn't planned on making one to begin with. Other than the news of him being called up I have no idea the moves being made in order to make it happen. Unfortunately for him, he is forever going to be associated with birth control to me.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'd Like to Welcome You to the Carlos Quentin Show

Dear Padres,
You aren't supposed to be slump busters, you're supposed to be Cub Busters because my shirt that's older than I am says so.
Sincerely,
An annoyed, that you got swept by the Cubs, fan

The Padres take the 2-0 lead in the second thanks to a Deno two run home run and in true Chicago fashion the Cubs fan threw the ball back, well not THE ball back but A ball back. He threw it with all his might and it was quite hilarious. He literally put all his weight behind it and it was very, very comical to say the least. During the bottom of the second the Cubs continued to have their "anything you can do I can do better" mentality as they tied the game. Quentin wasn't having that as he also hit a two run home run to give the Padres back the lead. Unfortunately Quentin couldn't cut the ball off in the fourth and the Cubs got one of those runs back to make it a 4-3 ballgame. Once again Quentin hits a two run shot and this game has become the Carlos Quentin show. He is making the Cubs pitcher look like a little league pitcher... so this is what excitement feels like.

By the fifth inning Bass looked like he was donezo which became very apparent when he walked in a run. With the bases loaded and two outs Black calls on Mikolas, my lizard man, to get out of the inning without causing anymore damage. Unfortunately he walked in a run as well and our lead was cut to a one run lead. Now the hope of getting out of this inning rests on Hinshaw's shoulders. Cashner came in for the bottom of the eighth and gave up a hit, a walk and another hit to tie the game. Clearly, he doesn't like that Steph is gone. Alonso with his stupid lack of speed hit into a double play in the ninth which was promptly followed by a Quentin double. Thanks for fucking up the game Alonso, we could have had the lead back and I could have gone on to tan soon but no you hate me for hating you, it's obvious. Thayer gave up a two run walk off homer run and the Cubs win 8-6. I'm just glad the game didn't go into extras.

I fear with all these home runs the Padres have been hitting this series that it is tricking them into thinking they are a home run hitting team and that they will be trying too hard to do so when they come back to Petco this weekend.

Record: 17-35

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Is Your Team Slumping?? Just Send In the Padres

We know going into yesterday's game the Cubs were in the midst of a 12 game losing streak, one of which we broke for them. Obviously if you're in the middle of a ridiculously long streak like that, you need to play us and we will get you back on track. If only there was a team to do that for us.

I was beginning to think there wasn't going to be anything for me to write about, then Quentin hit his first home run of the season to give the Padres the 1-0 lead in the fifth. Yeah, it took that long before anyone scored. See why I didn't think I was going to have anything to write about?? Apparently the Cubs have this 'anything you can do I can do better' attitude going on because in their half of the fifth they decided it was time to score too and not only did they score but they took the lead, fucktards. Stults pulled an Alonso in the sixth with the whole I'm just gonna run and assume the ball isn't going to be caught then get doubled up thing to end the inning. Have I mentioned how much I hate Soriano?? That hatred grows tremendously every time he hits a home run against us like he did in the bottom of the sixth to put them up 3-1. Baker singled in Quentin to make this game last longer than I'm wanting it to. Stults got pulled during an at bat in the seventh and Brach went on to finish the at bat while Baker let Stults base runner come around to score on a passed ball. I feel like this inning was an odd one and that wasn't even putting into consideration the balk on Stults. Will tripled in my boy Parrino in the eighth but of course he gets the damn triple when he doesn't need it for a possible cycle. Can we credit the triple to Quentin so that he can get the cycle?? No?? Damn. Cubs scored another run in the bottom of the eighth and would go on to win 5-3.

Record: 17-34

Monday, May 28, 2012

I Don't Enjoy When Things Make Me Feel Bipolar

In the first inning Quentin doubled in Deno then took third on an error trying to get Deno out at home. Nice way to start your season. In the matter of two batters the Padres lead is gone. Seriously?! You do realize we are playing the Cubs right?? A sacrifice scores another run for the Cubs to make it 2-1 and I'm finding this to be serious bullshit. The Cubbies hit a solo shot in the second putting them up 3-1 now but it's okay because Will hit a HR in the top of the third to give us a run back and making me feel slightly better about the possibility of  not being completely embarrassed by the Cubs. In true Wrigley Field fashion the ball was thrown back onto the field and now I need to watch Rookie of the Year.

Chase tied up the game in the fourth with a solo shot of his own and now all hope is restored that we will win this game. Everth is still doing his best to impress me by joining Chase with a solo shot in this inning, putting us up 4-3. Soriano doubled in a run to tie the game and if it wasn't apparent before that this game is going to be a weird one, it is now. Ian Stewart regained the lead for the Cubs with a two run shot and Suppan was not happy with it... if only he was mic'd up. Chase is loving playing in Wrigley today because he just did work with a two run shot to tie the game up once again in the top of the fifth. Parrino comes around to score on an RBI single/obstruction double?? by Will giving the Padres the 7-6 lead in the top of the sixth. Just like that Hinshaw gives up a two run shot to Soriano for his second of the game and the fifth lead change of the game. This is ridiculous and I do not enjoy feeling bipolar. It's bad enough that Skype makes me feel this way but to have something I love this much do it, it's just plain rude.

During the seventh there was a bird straight chilling on the field and I was just waiting for it to meet a baseball. Part of me really wanted to see it happen just because I've never personally seen a bird explode from being hit by a baseball but part of me didn't want to because the thing is cute. Luke gave up a two run HR to give the Cubs a 10-7 lead... knock it off Padres pitchers. Stewart knocked in another run for the Cubs and I can't seriously believe we are losing to a team that is worse than we are. Correction, I can't believe we lost to a team worse than we are. Okay, maybe I can. I'm pretty sure we have done more bizarre things. Padres lose 11-7 and I'm embarrassed. We do not deserve to be a major league team and have hit an all new low as far as I'm concerned.

Record: 17-33

Sunday, May 27, 2012

To Whom It May Concern

I decided to do something a little different tonight. Instead of giving a summary of the game I'm going to write love notes to some of the Padres and or people affiliated with the Padres, some of which may be related to today's game. Did I say love notes?? I mean tough love notes and you're annoying me notes.

Dear Alonso, do you not realize you're Adrian slow?? You can't stretch a single into a double so stop trying. Thanks.

Dear Leila, shut up. I don't turn the game on to listen to you. If you insist on being there can you wait until like the post game show where I have already turned the TV off?? Or if you really want you can do the pregame show where I have yet to turn the TV on. You are pointless and annoying as hell during the game. Same goes to you Sweeney. It's really not necessary to have in game interviews of fans or random "updates" that we most likely heard before the game even started.

Dear Mark Grant, your ulnar collateral ligament doesn't extend all the way to your wrist. It connects your humerus to your ulna. Last time I checked, that specific area isn't anywhere near your wrist.
See, no wrist around.
The top two show the UCL. In the bottom two, the UCL is missing

Dear Nick, did you forget how to catch?? I mean that is your job title soooooo what was up with that whole passed ball to score a run in the fifth thing??

Dear Padres, can we figure out how to win by the time you come home again?? I mean our next series is against the Cubs and they are worse than us so we should be able to win, right??

Record: 17-32

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Hi, My Name is Ashley and I'm a Masochist

So I woke up super late and started the game as I was eating lunch. One out into the bottom of the first and I was already over the game, then Scott Hairston hit a three run HR. I kind of miss Shrek. He always seemed like a really nice guy and he did have a flare for the dramatics when he was with us and this HR made me want him back... again. If you don't get why I called him Shrek go back and look at his photo in the Padres Blue Prints, he looks like Shrek and Matt Stairs looks like Captain Barbossa. Go look, you're welcome. Two batters later the Mets hit another HR and I really was over this game but like the masochist I am, I stuck it out. In the top of the sixth Tekotte pinch hit for Cam and I'm not sure I'm okay with that. Cam is one of the only players on the team that I legitimately like so I really hope this sprained wrist isn't going to keep him out for too long. Fun fact: strains are what happens to muscles/ tendons and sprains are what happens to ligaments. Okay so maybe I'm the only one that cares about that. This fucker, Davis doubled in a run in the bottom of the eighth to extend the Mets lead to five. I love that Andy Masur announced in the bottom of the eighth that the Mets won already. Please tell me he was talking about the old clip they showed before that I wasn't paying attention to and that he didn't just give up all hope on the team before that grand slam was hit. Yeah, I'm conveniently ignoring that fact. Padres lose 9-0 and I could have done without watching this game.

Record: 17-31

Friday, May 25, 2012

Padres Lose so It's Back to Having an Irrational Crush On a Fictional Character For Me

Well the Padres scored first with one out on a sac fly to left only to be doubled up because Alonso is a slow fuck and can't judge whether or not a fly ball will be caught. Seriously doesn't he know that he's only supposed to go halfway and not round second before he knows whether or not the ball is going to be caught?! I can only imagine how the rest of the inning would have gone if he didn't fuck that up for the second time this season. The Padres lead didn't last long as Bass gave up a solo HR to Duda. The ex-Padres are striking back today as Baxter drove in a run to give the Mets a 2-1 lead in the third. Baxter came around to score on an RBI single making it 3-1 Mets and causing me to hope for another rain delay like yesterday.

By the fifth inning the Mets were up 6-1 and I was ready to turn the game off and watch Saved by the Bell. Okay, I was ready to turn the game off before they scored those three runs in the fifth. By the eighth inning I had made and finished some hot chocolate hoping that it would wake me up enough to want to watch the rest of the game... it didn't work. I ended up pulling out a blanket and a pillow for the rest of the game. Between those innings the Padres had some base runners but in true Padres fashion, they did nothing with them. At one point, Hinshaw looked to have rolled his ankle and after a few minutes and a look by the assistant trainer he continued to pitch and get out of the inning. To me, that was a waste of time and was obvious that he didn't roll it bad enough to need to pause the game but that's only because I've intentionally and unintentionally done that to my ankle numerous times and knew he was fine. The Padres may have been losing but at least they put in Hinshaw and Mikolas for me to stare at at the end of the game. We clearly used all our hits and runs yesterday because we went on to lose 6-1... At least now I can go back to watching Saved by the Bell and having an irrational crush on a fictional character.

Record: 17-30

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Padres vs Mets: An Epic Rain Battle... Or Not

New York clearly didn't get the memo that the Padres don't do rain. I'd say pouring rain but pouring rain here is waaaaaay different than pouring rain in NY. The Mets unfortunately got on the board first during the second inning and epic rain battle which turned into a forever long rain delay. After an eternity, and by eternity I mean an hour and eight minute rain delay, the Padres did work. Venable doubled in Everth to tie the game in the top of the third. Cam sends it up the middle and off second base to allow Will to come around to score giving the Padres a 2-1 lead. Rain delay, you might just be our new best friend. Alonso is a doubles machine despite my disdain for him. I am glad that he is actually stepping up and has been lately but he's never going to be my favorite and I have come to terms with that as should everyone. Guzman brought in Cam and Alonso on a double and Alonso lucked out, he barely missed that tag. Knowing how slow he is and seeing how close that was, I wouldn't have sent him but we did and now we are winning 4-1 with two outs remaining in the third. Okay, that rain delay is our new best friend because Stults sent them down in order in the fourth and we came back swinging and stealing, with two outs at that. Will once again doubled in Everth and the Padres lead 5-1 in the top of the fourth. Yeah, okay I was wrong, the Padres clearly do rain and NY did get the right memo.

During the top of the fifth Chase assumed he was going to be out and slowed down until he realized that he had a chance to be safe and he stepped up again. This is why you need to run all out no matter what. You never know how the fielder is going to play the ball or if the ball is going to do something weird. Run your little hearts out boys, please. After Chase lucked out at first he took his chances by stealing second and his luck run out as he got thrown out. Palmer came in to pitch the sixth and gave up a two run HR to that douche lord Wright, cutting the Padres lead in half. Chase singled in Cam in the seventh to get back one of those runs the douche lord took away from us when he hit that two run HR. My boy Parrino knocked in Guzman and Chase on a two out single giving us a 9-3 lead. Everth followed with a single and I'm convinced he somehow heard that I didn't like him and is now trying to win me over. It's not working... yet. Alonso doubled for the millionth time to bring Cam around to make it 10-3 in the eighth. Ike Davis is a fucktard and singled in two runs for the Mets in the bottom of the eighth cutting the lead in half again and I'm ready to turn this game off and turn on Swamp Wars. Nick hits a solo HR and I'm hoping this breaks him out of that slump he's been in. Padres win 11-5. Please tell me this is the start of a win streak... preferably one that lasts more than two games.

Record: 17-29

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Cardinals Announcers Were Right, This Was Just Like the Playoffs...

Because the Padres didn't stand a chance and the Cards took the series. If you missed it, on Monday the Cardinals announcers joined in on the postgame show due to technical difficulties and commented that any Padres Cardinals series has a playoff feel to it. Turns out they were right, though I'm pretty sure the majority of the Padres team has no playoff experience but that didn't affect the fact that it had that "Cardinals will kick our ass" playoff feel to it.

Will started off the game correctly by hitting a leadoff HR to give the Padres the rare early lead. Chase helped out in the first with an RBI single to knock in Alonso and put the Pads up by 2. We got a third run thanks to Lynn failing to cover first as Nick hit into a fielders choice. That should have easily been a double play to end the inning, thank you Lynn. A blunder by Everth in the bottom of the first put Furcal on followed by a blunder by Cam to bring Furcal around to score the Cards first run. Freese, who we were reminded that we traded for Jim Edmonds, knocked in their second run and my faith that we might actually win this game has diminished. Motherfucker, that lead we had lasted a whole half hour because Freese came around to score on an RBI by Adams and the Padres are already warming up Palmer in the pen.... fuuuuuuuuuuck.

After my excitement was diminished, I had a little hope restored when they started talking about Cory's Tommy John surgery and what they do to replace the ligament. It was fabulous, I was picturing everything they said because I'm a weirdo like that. Apparently I missed Alonso singling again and Guzman got hit in the elbow again. Hmmm am I sensing some deja vu?? Apparently not. The Padres loaded the bases for Everth in the top of the third to which he disappointed, as was expected. Four innings into the game and Will was a triple shy of that mythical unicorn, the cycle. Beltran broke the tie in the bottom of the fifth with a 2 run HR, to give the Cards the 5-3 lead. Freese extended the Cards lead in the seventh with a solo shot to left and every Padres fan cringed at the thought that we traded him for Edmonds. Will had one more chance at the cycle in the eighth and we got nothing. We essentially gave him five innings to get the it and in true Padres fashion, he didn't. I don't think we will ever get the cycle if a player like Tony Gwynn couldn't get it unless by some freak chance we get a player that is the second coming of Mr. Padre. Like I said on twitter, I'm fairly confident we have a better chance of seeing a unicorn farting glitter than we do of seeing this mythical cycle. Padres lose 6-3 and go on to face the Mets in a four game series beginning tomorrow. Can we please beat them?? Please??

Record: 16-29

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Cards Beat the Padres Again, Go Figure

There's not much to report on this game and no it's not because I was more focused on the Reds Braves game than this one. It's just that there was literally nothing going on after the initial run scored in the first until about the sixth inning. As per usual the Padres weren't the ones doing the early scoring, or any scoring for that matter. Some weird shit went down in the bottom of the sixth. Well not so much weird as shitty playing by Baker. Apparently he was thinking there was a force or something because he took his sweet time getting down to tag the runner. As if that inning wasn't going bad enough, the Cards loaded the bases and Cabrera fucked up what should have been the worlds easiest double play to give the Cards a 3-0 lead. At some point during that inning Volquez went apeshit and thoughts about Zambrano kicking his catchers ass came to mind. I think we were all waiting for Volquez to go the Zambrano route. I'm not even going to get started on that stupid double play we got into because Alonso assumed the ball was going to drop and was too far off and too slow to get back to first in time. Holliday continues to give me reasons to hate him and this game is no different as an RBI double put the Cards up 4-0 in the bottom of the seventh, not to mention he was the reason Alonso got in that stupid double play the last half inning. Despite the overall lack of interesting moments in the game, Parrino's defense sure was fun to watch and it makes my heart extremely happy to see defense like that on the Padres. Usually if I want to see defense like that I have to watch just about any other team so to see it done on the Padres is fantabulous. However Wainwright collected a complete game shut out as the Cards won 4-0.

Record: 16-28

Monday, May 21, 2012

Damn You, Scuba Steve

Well I'm excited, after Cabrera failing to produce we put Parrino in the starting lineup and now I have Alexi and Andy up the middle. I have been wanting this since I fell in love with Alexi's speed and overall adorably tininess.

For once the Padres scored first in the second inning on a sac fly. Unfortunately Parrino committed an error in the bottom of the second but luckily, it didn't cost us anything. I would love for him to stop channeling Bartlett and start playing like he did during spring training and earlier this season. It will happen, eventually. Something amazing happened during the game today, there were technical difficulties and we didn't have commercials!! This is something that needs to happen more often. It makes you feel like you are actually at the game minus the whole making me listen to Mark Grant and Dick Enberg the ENTIRE time thing. The Padres left the bases loaded in the top of the seventh which usually isn't a good sign but we do have the only run scored so maybe there is a chance we can still pull out the W... then again we are playing the Cards. Furcal tied the game in the bottom of the seventh and like I just said, it's the Cards. Yep, we are losing this one. The Cards took the lead in this same inning and now we have 2 innings left to regain the lead. The one good thing about this game/series, we don't and won't have to face Berkman thanks to him tearing his meniscus. Obviously he wanted to be different than every other baseball player suffering a knee injury this season. Guzman gave the Padres the lead back with a two run double in the top of the eighth but that lead didn't stay long as Cashner gave up a two run HR to Greene and that would be the end of the game. Padres lose 4-3 and still can't collect that mythical third win in a row.

Record: 16-27

Sunday, May 20, 2012

And God's Favorite Is...

The Padres and of course He made this game go into extras because He wanted more time to decide who He was going to pick as His favorite...

Once again the Angels score first which could have been avoided if Tekotte would have been able to keep the ball in his glove after that most fantastical catch attempt, stupid force. In the bottom of the first the Padres were working a bases loaded one out situation until Nick got called out on what was most clearly a check swing in which the homeplate ump didn't even bother to check with the 1B ump. (Enter stupid fish reference here) because Trout just beat Bass with a HR in the top of the fifth to put the Angels up 2-0. Alonso tied the game on a two run double, that of course I didn't see until after it bounced off the base of the wall. Will came around limping after being hit twice in the ankle area. That is one of the worst places ever to be hit. I can't even imagine how it feels having the ball bounce off your ankle due to a pitch. I have had a softball bounce off my ankle on a ground ball which didn't hurt nearly as bad as when I've slammed both my ankles together during gymnastics. Moral of the story, things bouncing off your ankles is unnecessarily painful.

Naturally this game would go into extras because I have a final I should be studying for instead. Surprisingly enough in the tenth the Angels loaded the bases with one out and no one came around to score. I would have had a heart attack if I didn't feel like I was going to melt from how hot this room gets. During the eleventh Baker doubled into left and the Angels left fielder threw himself into the wall and was down for a pretty decent amount of time. On first look I assumed it was because of the impact he took on his head but on the replay it was apparent the brunt of the force was on his shoulder. The Angels put five men in the infield, leaving left wide open and all Cam has to do is drop it into left and the Padres would win but he struck out instead. Mikolas had a 1-2-3 inning in the twelfth and I'm still waiting for this to end so I can study. Thirteen innings into the game and the Angels used pitchers as pinch hitters, this is ridiculous. Aaaaaand you know the game has gone on too long when both teams are calling on the pitchers to bat. Luckily it paid off for the Padres as Clayton singles with two outs in the bottom of the thirteenth. Will singles in Clayton for the win!! Padres win 3-2 in 13th.

Record: 16-26

Side note: It's official Cory is going to have Tommy John surgery... it's about damn time. I'm more pissed that he took this long to decide to have it done than I am that he will be out for the season and part of next. If he still hadn't made a decision and I saw him at a game you can bet your ass I would have told him to get the surgery. Of course he would listen to me because I'm to cute and tiny to ignore, duh.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Padres Aren't the Only Ones Heading to the DL...

According to WebMD, I have a labral tear in my hip, a rotator cuff injury, an ACL injury and I need Tommy John surgery... DL here I come, I'll see you in 2013. Seriously though if I were on the Padres I would have been put on the DL a looooooooong time ago. Aside from being on the DL myself, the Padres added another player to the list, my new best friend, Kotsay.

Like last night, the Angels scored first. Stop letting this happen, Padres!! The Padres tied the game in the bottom of the third thanks to that speedster Alexi. He's one fast little fuck!! I absolutely love his speed. Having him means we don't even need to get a hit to collect a run. Lets just make sure he always gets on base and we should be golden. Speaking of middle infielders, if Everth continues to not produce do we start Parrino and see if we can get him back on track or do we tough it out with Everth?? Apparently the Angels took back the lead in the fifth but I somehow missed it. Alexi was walked to lead off the bottom of the fifth, sacrifice moved him to second, took third on a wild pitch then came around to tie the game at 2-2 on a Cam single. This boy is my new love and I want him to see him steal home so bad. Alexi doubled in Hundley giving us the first lead of the game in the seventh and giving me another reason to love him. Thanks to him the Padres beat the Angels 3-2 and it looks like tomorrow will give us our final answer to who God prefers more, Angels or Friars...

Record: 15-26

Friday, May 18, 2012

25 - 13 = A Whole New Look

Dear Padres,
Condition your players better. I understand that some are freak accidents like Darnell's separated shoulder but thirteen players on the DL is a little much.
Sincerely,
Padres fans everywhere

Now I have never played baseball so I don't know their strengthening routines or anything like that but I do know that I never hurt myself beyond bruises here and there or rips on rips, a perfectly executed purple and swollen jammed toe and maybe a mild ankle sprain, one so mild it didn't even swell, throughout my years of doing one of the most physically demanding sports there is. Mind you I was a kid and mixing kids and gymnastics is just asking for injuries. Also, I didn't have access to the type of staff the Padres have which makes my lack of injuries that more impressive and also makes me feel like I have every right to tell the Padres what they should be doing considering I flung my body through the air and twisted and contorted it in ways a body should probably not be able to do.

Anyway, tonight we started the first of too many interleague games for my liking. I hate interleague play and feel like it takes away from the World Series. I also hate that they don't put all the interleague games together. I find it incredibly stupid that we have four against the Angels this weekend then don't face any other AL teams until the middle of June. Stop dragging this shit out. At least it looks like we will find out this series who God favors more, angels or friars...


The Angels had a first and third situation and scored on a double play in the top of the second to give them the early lead. I'm really tired of saying the visiting team does something to get the early lead. Can we either get the early lead or at least not let the visitors score for a handful of innings first?? Trout knocks in Weaver with an RBI triple in the top of the fifth to give the Angels a 2-0 lead. It only took five innings before Enberg/Grant made a stupid fish comment in regards to Bass pitching on Sunday and Trout being an everyday started for the Angels. Just for that stupid comment I hope they don't put Trout in the lineup because I don't want to hear anymore fish comments. I also would appreciate if it they would stop using Pujols to sell tickets. He sucks and no Padres fan wants to go to the game to see him or should want to go see him. As I began to fall asleep with my eyes open again the Angels took a 3-0 lead. The Angels got the pleasure of having the bases loaded with only one out, still in the fifth inning. The Padres should have made a double play to end the inning but Everth couldn't get the ball out of his glove so Pujols came around to score and now we are down 4-0, fabulous. Venable hit a homer to start the bottom of the sixth and finally put the Padres on the board. Of course because we faced Weaver tonight, Enberg had to bring up the fact that the Padres could have had him. It's really not necessary to remind us that we picked Matt Bush over Weaver or Verlander or Stephen Drew. Alexi got his first RBI in the seventh and cut the Angels lead in half. The lead-off walk for the Angels came around to score in the top of the ninth making it a 5-2 ballgame which then turned into a 7-2 ballgame that went on to be the final score of the game because naturally Frieri came in for the Angels and didn't pitch like shit. Padres lose 7-2 and right now it's looking like the Angels are going to be God's  favorites.



Record: 14-26


WE WIN!!

I know you're probably thinking, "What the fuck is wrong with this hooker?! We got our asses kicked tonight." and you have every reason to do so BUT the Padres still managed to get a huge win today. It's official, Hudson has been designated for assignment and Padres fans everywhere rejoice. As if that wasn't good enough news, Jason Bartlett has been placed on the DL with a strained knee and may come back  to learn that he no longer has a job with the Padres. I however feel bad if that is how they plan to release Bartlett. We have seen in the recent past that the Padres haven't always been the greatest when it comes to letting their players go as we saw with how that trade went down. I often forget that baseball is a business but that doesn't mean they can't go about things in a decent way. I guess that whole "Stay classy, San Diego" thing doesn't apply to the Padres.


Of course the Dodgers scored in the first handful of minutes in the game and would continue to do so throughout the game. The Padres got TGJ out on a 4-5-2-5-3-4 rundown... or something like that, my mind is tired and that was a lot of throwing to different players, early in the game. That is pretty much all I have to say about the game, not because it was a shitfest but because my friend that I have known since I was born, literally, came over tonight. We had the game on but were too busy catching up to pay close attention. We did see Darnell separate his shoulder though. So lets go ahead and add him to the list of players on the DL. We might as well move every player in the Padres organization up a team at the rate these guys are dropping. I mean we have been talking about giving these younger guys a chance to play, haven't we?? The Padres lose 8-1 or something ridiculous like that and it's on to the next series. Fingers crossed we can start another win streak, one that will allow us to finally capture that elusive third straight win.

Record: 14-25

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

NL's Worst Beats NL's Best

Today marks the first Wednesday day game that I was able actually catch the whole game without having to use the DVR. It was fantastical except for the part where it was still in the 80's and I wanted to tan instead. MLB.tv really needs to let me get the Padres game so I can take my laptop out and multitask. That or we need to set up a projector so I can play the Padres game on the side of the garage while I lounge in the pool. Either works, preferably the latter. Now onto my thoughts as the game was going on.... oh yeah, I apologize for the lack of cohesiveness. I basically just took a bunch of random sentences and threw them together, sorry about it.

Damn you Dodgers, the game hasn't even been on for five minutes and you are already beating us?! Come on Clayton, step your shit up. Chase crushed the ball to cut the Dodgers lead in half, way to go Chase!! Damnit Clayton, what happened to your ability to throw to first?! It's not THAT complicated. Well the only benefit of him not making that throw to first, they still got TGJ out on the pick-off move. At least that still works for Clayton. Chase hits a two run double in the sixth to give the Padres the 3-2 lead. With the way this game is going, it's looking like that might just be the game. Despite the difficulty Clayton faced in the beginning of the game, he pitched a pretty decent game. With the bases loaded in the seventh the Dodgers walked Cam to extend our lead. Obviously the Dodgers don't know that we can't exactly hit especially when the bases are loaded. Pretty sure our chances of hitting into a double play to end the inning were higher than our chances of doubling in runners to keep the inning going. Darnell made a nice catch in the ninth that could have possibly cost us the game if he didn't make it. Granted it would have most likely put the Dodgers in a first and third situation with one out but it's us and we kind of suck at life so any bit of bad luck would snowball and we would blow the game. However, the Padres didn't implode and won 4-2 and have another two game win streak going on. Fingers crossed we can finally get that elusive third straight win tomorrow.

Record: 14-24

Also, Cory is debating whether or not he should have surgery for a partial tear in his ulnar collateral ligament. I personally believe that he should have the surgery to be safe. As much as I will hate to have him miss the rest of the season and most likely part of the next, I would hate it even more if he came off the DL and got hurt again, possibly tearing the ligament even more than it already is. Either way Cory is going to be out much longer than I would like. So Cory, get the surgery before you inadvertently make it worse.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Padres Got to Strasburg While I Faced a Zombie Beach Apocalypse

Sorry for slacking, I didn't realize the game started at 10 this morning and opted to kick off my summer early by going to the beach before class. During my time at the beach I'm fairly confident that there was some sort of Zombie Apocalypse down there. No joke, there was some weird ass, super loud noise for at least five straight minutes. At first I assumed it was an airplane flying over like usual but it was a gazillion times louder and there were no planes in sight. The obvious conclusion is that it was a Zombie Apocalypse. Once I got home I was looking to see what time the game started and accidentally discovered that the game was already over and we had won. I guess this means I need to go to the beach every day during their games but if that's the case the Padres are going to need to start giving me gas money and other money to take care of all kinds of car problems that I know my car will have.

Venable started off the game with a double which apparently would be the first of a possible cycle from what I read on facebook. Obviously Alonso knocked in Venable to give us the early lead which is a small miracle because I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be possible for us to get to Strasburg. Strasburg loaded the bases in the first which is just weird to me. The fact that it started pouring during the game while I was lounging on the beach makes my heart happy that I don't live in a place where it rains, like ever. The sound of the rain falling on the field mics might just have been one of the most annoying sounds I have ever heard. Baker singled in Chase and Alonso to give the Padres a 3-0 lead. What on God's green earth is going on here?! Venable with a stand up triple in the second, leaving a HR and a single left in that mythical being known as a cycle.

I'm not entirely sure why they felt the need to discuss whether or not it was appropriate for Bam Bam to make a curtain call after his HR last night. Why wouldn't it be appropriate?! The crowd wanted it and he obliged. What's the big deal about that?? He is, after all, God's gift to the Nationals. Darnell with the HR in the third putting the Padres up 4-0 and I still can't believe we are beating Strasburg, well we beat Strasburg seeing as how I knew the final score before putting the game on. Oops. In the fourth Venable got the single, leaving him with a HR to collect and if I know the Padres, like I believe I do, that HR won't happen and the cycle will continue being nothing more than a myth. Also the whole seeing on facebook and twitter that he didn't get it thing influenced my whole "he's not going to get it" thing. Strasburg didn't make it into the fifth inning which is a miracle in and of itself. Growing up in east county he has to be completely embarrassed that he has given up four runs to his hometown team. He knows what the team is capable of, or should I say not capable of. Baker doubled in Hudson and the Padres now lead by five. I'm incredibly disturbed that Mark Grant said "yo" when he was talking about if anyone picked Baker in the pick six. Bam Bam gave the Nats their only run of the game with a HR and I think it's comical that he now has more HR's than Albert Pujols. Bass and Venable owned the Nationals today. Venable's fourth hit boosted his average and allowed the Padres final run to come around and score. Padres win 6-1 and get ready to take on the Dodgers tomorrow at home. A series I am going to be perfectly happy to stay at home and watch. I don't plan on dealing with any Cholas at all this season... unless there's a giveaway that's worth it.

Record: 13-24

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Padres Take on Bam Bam and the Rest of the Nationals

I'm excited to get to watch Bryce Harper for more than an at bat and can only hope he goes all Bam Bam on himself at some point during this series but if the Padres lose today, I will be extremely pissed that I wasted valuable tanning time to watch the game. Also for the record, I hate Tim Stauffer and I totally called Ramos' torn ACL during the game Saturday, looks like I might become a decent Athletic Trainer after all.

I'm conveniently ignoring the fact that Chase committed an error on the first play of the game because I'm still enjoying the fact that I correctly diagnosed Ramos' injury with only having had one actual Sports Medicine class. Go me. While I'm on the whole injury thing, why the hell is it necessary for Bam Bam to have that big ass bandage on while he has 10 stitches in his head covered by butterfly bandages?! I don't see the point in that considering neither his hat or helmet rest on it. Anyway, that error I conveniently ignored cost us an early run and now I get to watch Bam Bam. Which makes me wonder, does he even know who Bam Bam is?! This is a serious question. I feel like he is not old enough to know who that is. I also feel like he wouldn't get this next pop culture reference I'm about to make. When I think of him I imagine him being on second yelling "pitcher's got a big butt" like the kid did in Rookie of the Year. That just makes me feel old.

Alonso continues to get a hit while I'm not watching and like I have said before, I will continue to not watch his at bats for the benefit of the team. Bam Bam made Hudson look good which is something very difficult to do, almost as difficult as getting the Padres a W. That error on Bam Bam allowed Alonso to score and tie up the game in the second. During the bottom of the third I'm fairly confident I fell asleep with my eyes open because the next thing I knew, the Nationals were coming around to score. Headley is not having it today because he just fucked up the snap throw from Nick to score another run only to have Bam Bam come up and crush the ball, solidifying the fact that I indeed should have tanned instead of watching the game. During the fourth, Alonso scored  followed directly by Chase making the score 4-3 Nats. In the processes of Chase coming home and me yelling at him because the catcher was clearly covering the plate and it looked like he would for sure be out, he managed to take out the Nats catcher, literally. Ankles aren't supposed to bend that way, I like it. I find it oddly pretty when body parts do things they aren't made to do. I can't even come up with an analogy to explain this to make me sound less weird. Also in that fourth inning, Stauffer laid down the bunt and tied up the game. After the ankle injury and the whole Padres tying it thing, I'm beginning to not regret watching the game over tanning but if this goes into a rain delay you can bet your ass I will regret it. Headley does work in the fifth to bring in Guzman to give the Padres  5-4 lead. Despite everything that has happened so far, I'm still bored with this game.

Mikolas gave up a two run double to make it 6-5 Nats in the bottom of the sixth and this is where I quote Rookie of the Year again... "Hey! We want a pitcher, not an underwear snitcher!" Luke gives up a HR in the bottom of the eighth putting the Nats up by two now. Pretty sure I did that whole falling asleep with my eyes open thing again because the last thing I remember seeing was Mikolas giving up the lead back in the sixth. Aaaaaand Luke just gave up another HR to make it 8-5 Nats. Fucking awesome, bro. Maybe I should have waited to use that quote. The Padres have the bases loaded with one out in the top of the ninth and I'm on the verge of holding my breath. Guzman hits into a 1-2-3 double play, if I'm thinking clearly, to end the game. Padres lose 8-5 and I wasted a valuable tanning day to watch this shit, not to mention we get to hear ESPN suck Bryce Harper's dick even more now. Not cool Padres, not cool.

Conclusion, I'm not that impressed with Bryce Harper. Yes, he's 19 and yes, he is a good player but I'm not seeing the hype surrounding him. It's not like he is the first player to make it to the big leagues at 19. Look at Henry Rowengartner, he was 12.

Record: 12-24

P.S. If you think I seriously think that Henry Rowengartner was a real person and that that was a real story, you need help.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

All Pink Everything

Happy Mothers Day to all, though I don't believe any mothers would be reading this after the first few posts I've written but whatevs. Every mothers day I want one of those bats and everything else they have that is pink. At this point I don't even care what team it's from as long as I get something pink!! Actually, I wouldn't take it if it was LA, SF, Boston or NY so maybe I do care what team it's from.

Jimmy Rollins started the game off with a HR to give the Phillies the early 1-0 lead in the first. Darnell made a very pretty play in the bottom of the first to make the final out at first and if I paid any attention in my physics classes I may have gushed over the angle of the throw and all that nerdy shit. An error made by Darnell in the second came around to haunt the Padres, extending the Phillies lead to two. During the top of the third Deno and Alonso did something I love to see, a double steal. I'm incredibly surprised that Alonso was capable of doing that but he did so high five. Guzman grounded out but that allowed Deno to come in from third to cut the Phillies lead in half.

Juan Pierre makes me hate him every time we play against him. I don't think he is even that good a player but he always manages to do something to annoy me, besides wearing his hat under his helmet. What's the deal with that?! Pierre doubled in another run for the Phillies in the bottom of the fifth and I have grown increasingly bored with this game. Where's my iPod when I need it?! After Bartlett fucked up what should have been an infield fly rule turned double play in the seventh, I realized my dislike for him has turned into pity. I seriously just feel bad for him now. Is it just me or does he look like he has lost his love for the game?? It's sad seeing athletes struggle to the point where it looks like the passion has escaped them.

The Padres score one in the eighth on another ground out making it 3-2 Phillies. I'm liking the whole not laying down and dying thing but can we try scoring runs without making an out at the same time?? Thanks. The Padres managed to get out of a bases loaded jam in eighth which is very surprising. Unfortunately the Padres went on to lose 3-2 and we lost yet another series. I will be ok if we don't get three wins in a row as long as we can  get some back to back series wins. That, my Padres, is your next goal.

Record: 12-23

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Two Games Are Better Than One... Unless You're Me

Dear schedule makers, can you not schedule the Padres and the Reds at the same time?? You know maybe make sure if the Padres are on East Coast time that the Reds are on West Coast time. My attention span would much appreciate it. Also, my fandom for the Padres wouldn't suffer if I didn't have the option to watch a better team play at the same time as my Padres. You really can't expect me to willingly watch players like Bartlett and Hudson over guys like Cozart and Phillips.


The Phillies took the early 1-0 lead in the second. Bartlett crashes into Darnell and makes me seriously wonder if these guys don't know how to call for the ball or if they are just deaf. Venable doubled in Bartlett to tie the game in the third and I have no idea how Bartlett got on base to begin with. Cam made a nice slide at home to give the Padres a 2-1 lead in the seventh but I couldn't tell you how he got on or anything because I was too busy wishing we had Brandon Phillips after seeing him make a nice play with ease. I would swear he makes that play every day, that's how easy he made it look, it's really not fair. I would trade the majority of our team to have someone to make plays like that. It might be difficult to win games with only a player or two but we can't even do that with a full team. Luke pitched himself in and out of trouble in the seventh, thank God he got out of that. I like him too much to have to yell at him for screwing up the game for us. Now Cashner on the other hand, I'm more than willing to yell at. Dear Cashner, there is no point in throwing 100+ if you can't command your pitches. You're not impressing anyone with 100+ mph walks, in fact you're pissing us off with them. Stop it. Fortunately he didn't fuck the game up for us tonight like he has done in the past. Bartlett continued to crash into players convincing me that he doesn't know how to call for the ball. Don't you learn that in little league?? Thayer recorded his third save and continues to traumatize me with that mustache. Padres win 2-1 and Halladay once again has nothing on the Padres. I thought he was supposed to be good but clearly he's a terrible pitcher because we have beat him twice and Lord knows we aren't anywhere near good.

Record: 12-22

Friday, May 11, 2012

I May Be Bad but I'm Perfectly Good At It


For what seems to be the millionth time this season, I had no interest in watching this afternoons game. I really just wanted to chill in my room and listen to Britney Spears instead. I managed to drag myself out of my bed and into the family room to turn the game on, bringing of course my iPod and laptop so I could get my Britney fix in and put the Reds Nats game on in case the Padres game really became unwatchable. Plus I still haven't witnessed Bryce Harper and I didn't want to wait for our next series to see him. Unfortunately for me the Reds Nats game was even more unwatchable than the Padres game was.

Have I mentioned how much our new uniforms bother me?? I thought they would grow on me as the season progressed but the pipping was a hit and miss. I think I have only seen two teams pull off the look, the Indians and the Reds. The Indians uniform looks the best with the pipping, I think it's because it works well with the font. The Reds uniforms are simple with the team logo and the players number. Our blue ones are similar which I don't mind but they just don't look right for some reason. If we had the right font, our uniforms would look decent with the pipping but we don't and I feel like they are a hot mess.

During the second inning Clayton gave up a two run HR to Mayberry to give the Phillies a 2-0 lead and I decided that was the end of the game. Fortunately Alonso has something against me and got a single in the fourth to score Venable and cut the lead in half. Also in the fourth Guzman singled in Chase and the Phillies throw to home was pitiful just like their attempt to get Nick out at first. The Padres tied the game and loaded the bases for Parrino, clearly the Phillies missed Howard on that play. Parrino unfortunately got out and the Padres once again left the bases loaded. Clayton gave up a second two run HR during the fifth. What happened to the Clayton that I used to love watching pitch?? I miss him. Can he please come back and bring the good Padres back with him?? Alonso hit his first HR during the sixth and guess what, I was actually looking. I didn't realize it was him that was up to bat but still I saw it, that counts right?? A lead off walk in the sixth came around to score giving the Phillies a 5-3 lead and caused Black to pull Clayton. By the seventh inning I was seriously considering switching to the Clippers game. If you don't know anything about me besides what you get off  this blog, know this, I don't like basketball and often need to have consumed vodka laced Jambe Juice to sit through a game. So me considering putting basketball on speaks volumes to how much I didn't care for this game. The fact that the Phillies added 2 more during the seventh didn't help raise my level of caring and if there wasn't two things recording on the DVR I would have turned the Clippers game on. The Padres lose 7-3 and like the title says, I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it. Pretty sure that needs to be the Padres theme song this season...

Record: 11-22

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

It Wasn't a Sweep I Sensed, It Was the DL

First thing's first, Happy Birthday Mr. Padre!! Oh yeah and Happy Birthday Chase!!

Now back to business, I'm not sure if this was announced before or after the game but Wieland was placed on the 15 day DL with elbow tightness. That does not make me feel any kind of good because the last time one of our pitchers had an elbow issue, it was reported that he will need Tommy John surgery. I'm still not sure what the second opinion concluded for Cory but I'm going to go ahead and stick with the whole he is having Tommy John surgery thing. I would much rather have him have this surgery and get everything taken care of than have them tell him he doesn't need it and he fucks up his elbow even more. With the addition of Wieland to the DL, it puts our list of broken people to eleven. Five of those eleven are pitchers and I'm fairly confident that our team is made out of paper maché. As if our record wasn't an indicator that this was not going to be the Padres season, these early injuries sure are. I find it completely unacceptable that so many of our guys are hurt and I am not allowed to help take care of them. Seriously, Todd Hutcheson, I can help to some extent. Classes end on the 24th so I'm totally free to travel with the team after that. Plus it would be a great learning experience for me. Also it would make me feel a lot less weird for having a roll of pre-wrap and sports tape in my room.

Now onto today's game. I am thoroughly annoyed that the game started at 12:35. It's hard enough to get home by the 3:35 Wednesday start times but this was just ridiculous and the fact that FSSD has to air every game didn't help. Previously weekday day games weren't televised and we would get them free on MLB.tv but because FSSD airs all 162 games I couldn't watch the game on my laptop while I had a massive two hour break, between classes, with nothing to do. Luckily I recorded it and just finished watching it now.

Once again the Padres scored first against the Rockies. Parrino made a nice play in the second to get the out at first, showing us why he should be an everyday player whether it be at short or at second. Cam and Deno seemed to have had some issues during the second on Giambi's base hit. Did they forget the whole "I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT" thing?? Or did they both pull a me and do the whole "I got it, I got it, I DON'T GOT IT" thing. Yes, that was me during softball one day, to my defense the pitcher should have had it but wasn't paying attention... at least I tried. Parrino made another nice play to end the top half of the second inning, can we please make him a starter?? Please?? Alonso doubled in Cam in the third to give the Padres a 2-0 lead. Chase felt the need to gamble for another run and failed miserably. Not only was he out but his slide was incredibly awkward and I am very surprised that he didn't tear or break anything. During the fourth Giambi hit the ball off the top of the wall in center which was just weird, it was almost like he hit the backboard or some shit like that... I'll refrain from basketball terminology from now on. One run scored and the possible second run was out at home. Apparently the bounce off the top of the wall called for a review which is just stupid. It's pretty obvious that the ball didn't go over and bounce of something behind the wall since there is nothing behind the chain link part of center. The Padres were up 2-1 until the fifth and you assumed that we might actually win this one and get a sweep... then the sixth inning came and all hell broke loose. Another review was called because the ball bounced off the top of the padding again, this time in left. Because it didn't already happen or anything, they reviewed it again. Really bro?! This is basically the same exact play that you just said wasn't a HR an inning before. Stop wasting our time. Like I said, all hell broke loose and the Padres trailed 5-2. Bass was taken out of the game  with runners on first and second with two out and replaced by Hinshaw who might just be me newest guy to creep on, this is still under review. Hinshaw did work and got out of the inning as well as pitched the seventh without giving up any runs. Good job, new guy, for now you are Ashley approved. Spence was brought in to pitch the eighth and unfortunately he gave up a run to put the Rockies up by four. Unfortunately the Padres never came back from that and lost the game 6-2 and lost the win streak which was bound to happen today or Friday given tomorrow is an off day and my theory about those. Maybe this means tomorrow will screw up the losing momentum and we can start a new win streak on this upcoming road trip or maybe I spent too much time in the sun today and am delusional.

Record: 11-21

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Do I Sense a Sweep?!

Today marks the second day in a row where I had no interest in watching the Padres... someone call a doctor because I'm clearly not okay.

The Rockies took the early lead but that doesn't matter cause Venable would get a lead off, stand up triple. Impressive. What's even more impressive is that Alonso brought him around to score with two outs against us. Venable doubles in the 5th to score Bartlett to give the Padres a 2-1 lead. Cam decided to pull a Volquez and hit a line drive off the pitchers leg, I approve. I also approve that Mikolas is creepable considering the fact that Cory's season is potentially over depending how the second opinion on his elbow goes. Baker with a stolen base in the 7th which is kind of embarrassing for the Rockies given the fact that Baker is a catcher and had never had a stolen base before. A foul ball landed in a fans cup of beer so of course he drank the beer with the ball still in it. That's disgusting, you don't know what has been on that ball. For all you know the pitcher could have had some fun with himself before he took the mound and now you've gone all Stifler. Gross. Padres had the bases loaded in the 7th and didn't do a damn thing with it as per usual. Bartlett must have had some of that black magic voodoo going on during the 8th because he made a nice play to save us from giving up the lead. A shitty relay from the Rockies gave Hudson an RBI triple to score Alonso giving the Padres a 3-1 lead. Another embarrassing moment for the Rockies when Baker steals second again. Really bro, catchers aren't supposed to be able to steal a base. You know that whole bad knees thing, yeah. Thayer came in to pitch the 9th and once again his mustache creeps me out. He looks like he walked out of some fucked up western, just give him some cowboy boots/hat, a pistol and a sheriff's badge and he would be good to go. Of course with a runner on first the Rockies brought in Giambi and I was just glad he had long sleeves under his jersey tonight. His steroid enhanced arms disgust me. Thayer about gave up a 2 run HR instead of inducing a double play to end the game like I wanted. He did neither but luckily there was still the possibility of a DP without giving up a run. We may or may not have had a double play had the runner on first not been hit with the ball on his way to second. What are the odds of the Padres getting an out that way?! I found it to be quite comical. The Padres ended up winning 3-1 and took the series despite the outcome of tomorrows game which I will have to watch off the DVR once I get home from class, stupid 12:30 start. In other baseball news, Josh Hamilton hit four HR's in a game and no one is surprised because he's a beast. It's sad that it's more surprising that the Padres took a series than it is that Hamilton did that.

Record: 11-20

Monday, May 7, 2012

Padres win for Jeremy Nash aka "Chicano Aladdin" because he's the baddest mo-fo in Nor Cal

I feel like I need an explanation for this title so here it is... I was complaining that coming up with a title is a bitch and I received a suggestion via twitter from the birthday boy, Jeremy Nash, and told him if he could work Aladdin into it I would use it. Clearly I keep my word even if it's nothing more than a stupid laugh between twitter friends. After all, that is how this blog was born. Now that that is said and done, after being swept by the Marlins this past series I did not feel like watching tonight's game at all so this is probably going to be half assed or come off very bitchy or both.

Padres scored first in the first with two outs against them. Weird, I know. Even weirder, a freak mishap happened and Cuddyer steals second but comes off the bag and Hudson ended up being able to get him out. What the deuce is going on?! Volquez smashed a linedrive off the pitchers leg and didn't even bother to attempt a decent run to first. Come on, you know we need all the outs we can get. A wild pitch scored the Padres another run to give them the 2-0 lead. Volquez gave up a solo HR... to the pitcher, cutting the lead in half. Volquez, you are an assclown. How the fuck do you give up a HR to a pitcher... in Petco?! We now have no excuse for our lack of HR's if a fucking pitcher can do it. Obviously we don't need to move in the fences, we just need to find players that actually know what they are doing. Alonso continues to get hits when I'm not watching, this time it scored Chase. For the betterment of the team I will continue to ignore Alonso as well as dislike him. Apparently it looked like we were going to attempt a double steal with Guzman and Alonso but thank God that didn't happen. Whoever thinks that that would have been possible needs help. Alonso is like Adrian slow, well maybe not THAT slow but close enough. Hundley loaded the bases in the third with one out. My lack of interest in tonight's game or maybe the unnecessary in game interviews caused me to miss a run being scored. These in game interviews are uber annoying, it's not like I'm trying to watch a baseball game or anything. Once again my lack of interest caused me to miss another run except this one was at the expense of the Padres. However, they still won 3-2.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I'm a Zombie and You're Getting a 2fer

As the title states, you're getting a 2fer today. Honestly, I'm exhausted as fuck and don't remember much of what happened during the game yesterday. I did take notes on the game last night but there wasn't much so fuck it, you get to read about everything except the actual game. Also not that "exhausted as fuck" = a different type of zombie mode.

We got upgraded to the Western Metal Suites and looking through the chain link fence was making me go cross eyed. Seriously, I had to close one eye to actually be able to focus. Other than the fence fucking with my head the suite was awesome. We were so close to the players during what was left of BP that I felt like I could touch them. They let us onto the warning track before the game started and I realized that the left field wall isn't as big as I thought it was. Of course we felt the need to see how high we could jump and reach over... without a running start since we were roped off from the rest of the field. I was able to jump and get a hand over, all 5'4" of me with no running start and in sandals at that. This now means that there is no excuse for whoever we put in left to not be able to reach and take a HR away. I'm serious. I will only allow them to screw that up if they got a bad read on the ball or mistimed their jump, ya know some bullshit like that. Also during the point when we were on the field and talking to the security guard Nick and Clayton came out and were running and playing long toss. Again, we were close enough where I probably could have actually touched them but I feel like that would have been frowned upon and I had no desire to touch them... okay, maybe Clayton, he's just so muscly!! The security guard was trying to get me to talk to Clayton but I felt no need to do so and also didn't have an idea of what I would say to him. I was told I should tell Clayton to have a good start tonight and that 33 is my favorite number. Clearly the security guy was being funny and thought that maybe it would get a laugh out of Clayton if I said that. The security guy was cool. I like him. What I don't like is initiating conversation with strangers. I am loud and obnoxious as it is but I refuse to talk to strangers unless they speak to me first. Besides, I believe in the whole not bothering the starter before the game thing. I don't know their pregame routine and I don't want to fuck with it. If they want to talk, then fine, I'll talk but I'm not going out of my way to mess with routines. After the game we ended up meeting some friends at Bubs and everyone seemed to feel the need to get me to drink... I was not having it from going cross eyed so drinking was the last thing I wanted to do. Pretty sure we spent more time at Bubs than I ever needed. Don't get me wrong it was fun but pretty sure I was there for like 3 hours or something before we moved on to some other place. Basically I didn't get home until 2 and I had been downtown since about 3. In the past two days I have spent waaaaaaaay too much time downtown and now need a mini vacation from it. Side note, Heath has turned into a giant asswipe, this kid was asking for his autograph for like 5 minutes at least and Heath completely ignored him. The kid could not have been any more polite, calling him Mr. Bell and being extremely patient... what kid does that?!

Record: 9-19

Saturday, May 5, 2012

A Full Moon = Crazy Shit

Sorry for the late post but I was exhausted when I got home last night. I wasn't prepared for extra innings. Luckily I thought enough to take notes on my phone last night so lets see how well I can write a post off that. Before I get into the post check out http://pmlbsports.com/ and their PadCast. They are pretty awesome and highlight my craziness when it comes to my tweets... pickles and ice cream.

First things first, Cory has to get Tommy John surgery which makes me a sad panda. Scratch that, a devastated panda. The only thing that makes me somewhat okay with him being done for the season and most likely part of next season is that extension he signed. Thank you for that Padres but who am I supposed to creep on now?!

Bass gave up 5 runs in the first last night and made me and probably everyone else think that the game was done right then and there. Bartlett had missed a play in the second that I firmly believe Parrino would have easily made and of course I announced that. I was surrounded by giant douche bags who clearly took advantage of the $5 margaritas last night which definitely didn't help me be okay with the whole being down 5-0 early thing. While we were still down by 5 I decided that Mark Kotsay is my new best friend. Obviously that's what I think about when I'm sitting that close to a player and we are losing by that much. I apparently have a thing for wanting to make the older left fielders my best friends while I'm in left, first it was Ludwick and now Kotsay. Maybe it's just the fact that the older guys are more humble because they have been around or maybe they are just seemingly chill guys to begin with, either way I want to be their friends. I did appreciate that they played Brass Monkey during the game last night to what I assume was to honor the passing of MCA but it did make me miss Ludwick. It just doesn't feel right hearing that particular song at the stadium with out Ludwick walking up to the plate.

In the bottom of the third Dobbs didn't get the bounce he wanted and Chase doubled in Venable... no shut out for us!! Meanwhile our section began chanting "Dobbs you suck" and continued to do so when Nick doubled in Chase. Hudson had an RBI single to score Nick and the Padres were down by 2 now. Hudson stole second with two outs and I immediately thought "thank God he didn't fuck that up". Bartlett was up next and I told him "don't fuck up", he walked and the guys next to me said that Bartlett must have heard me, clearly. At that point the bases were loaded with Bass up to bat and I thought for sure the inning was going to be over but Bass surprised me when he hit a bases loaded triple that I would have sworn was going to be an inside the park HR. Bass' triple gave the Padres a 6-5 lead and I decided that it was because of the full moon. It had to be, pitchers don't get hits much less triples.

The Marlins ended up tying the game on a balk which is a bullshit way to tie a game but, it's a full moon so crazy shit is going to happen. Kotsay knocked in Bass in the fifth putting us up by 1 and making me happy again. Then the fuckers tied it in the seventh and went on to take the lead 8-7 because Hudson failed at life. At this point we are losing but the Marlins put Petersen in to play left and I was able to get my creep on so I was bound to count the game a win no matter the final outcome. Heath came in to pitch the ninth and was greeted with boos, at least in my section. Upon Heath entering the game I thought "we have a chance!!" and we did. Heath once again blew the save and we had a tied game again. His umpteenth blown save made me very happy that we didn't have him anymore. The score would remain 8-8 until the twelfth where the Marlins would take the lead and we would lose 9-8.

Not only did we lose 9-8 but Street strained his shoulder and after Cory straining his elbow and learning that he will need surgery, I'm assuming the worst for Huston. I am also afraid that we used all our runs for the weekend last night and that tonight's game is going to be ridiculously boring. Also that off-day fucked us once again if you didn't realize it. Can we start a win streak a few days before an off-day?? Please?? 

Record: 9-18

Thursday, May 3, 2012

A Look Inside My Life When the Padres Have an Off-Day

I originally wasn't planning on making a post since the Padres had an off-day today but I decided to give you some insight on what I do (during the semester) when there's an off-day. Ya know, besides bitch that there's no Padres game to watch.

As I imagine some of the Padres did, I slept in, nothing new or unusual on my part but a fabulous thing to do nonetheless. After waking up around noon I decided to catch up on some of the stuff that I had on the DVR. Naturally I had episodes of Baseball Tonight to watch and figured it would be what I needed to take care of my baseball fix. After a couple episodes of Baseball Tonight I realized it wasn't enough to satisfy my craving for baseball and that I needed an actual game to watch. I thought, well I guess I'll watch some of the Reds game before class tonight. Yeah, that game started at like 9am or something ridiculous like that and was probably over or close to over before I woke up. So much for catching a game before class.

Off to physics I went where I spent an hour + learning Nuclear Physics, no big deal. After the mind numbingly boring lecture that was Nuclear Physics I came home to catch up on some more stuff on the DVR and by stuff I mean Python Hunters. Watching that just made me want to go to the reptile house at the zoo. The reptile house has been my favorite part of the zoo ever since I was a kid. The two headed snake and the albino Burmese Python were my favorites of course and I found it super interesting watching the snakes get fed. I even used to watch a video on the computer all the time of a snake dislocating its jaw to eat an egg of some kind whole and puke up the shell. Clearly, I should have been born a boy. At least that way it would be easier to explain why I like snakes and sports, though the liking pink thing might be hard to explain. While watching Python Hunters I debated changing my major. I usually only debate that during Shark Week. I began to wonder how possible it would be for me to triple major in Kinesiology, Zoology and Marine Biology. I decided it would be academic suicide and wished I was a super nerd so that it would be possible for me to do this. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a marine biologist, mainly so I could play with dolphins and what girl wouldn't want to be a zoologist and spend her life around animals?! Of course with Kinesiology I get to combine my love of sports with my love of the how the human body works, so it looks like I made a good choice but I still wish my brain could handle triple majoring.

Continuing the theme of my nerdness I turned on the Big Bang Theory and got a good laugh when they played the music for Super Mario to "set the mood". Obviously that just made me want to play Super Mario. If Grey's Anatomy wasn't on tonight there is a good chance I would put down the laptop and jump on Nintendo and play. Yes, I am a badass and play the original Nintendo when I want to play video games. Super Mario Bros 2 is my game of choice and yes, I use the Princess 95% of the game and know when to skip levels and which character will help me the most in a certain level. I told you I should have been a boy.

After the Big Bang Theory, I turned on another episode of Python Hunters and they did something I found pretty interesting. They extracted some venom from a python in Peru and injected it into a vial of blood they drew from one of the guys on the show. Within three minutes the consistency of the blood was jelly like. Moral of the story, if you get venom injected in you, you're pretty much fucked because your blood is going to coagulate in no time. Now my favorite part about Thursday nights, Grey's Anatomy. Laptop off, Grey's on.


Oh yeah, here's some Padres news that happened today... We traded Ernesto to the Angels for a couple of minor leaguers, one of which is a pitcher and only in high A ball. I don't mind this trade because I wasn't Ernesto's biggest fan and the other guy we got in this trade is an infielder in Triple A. So if Bartlett and Hudson don't get shit going/ keep shit going I think we might just get to see him and Parrino as our starting infielders. Oh and it's not lost on me that we had an off-day after we started a win streak and according to my theories we should lose the game tomorrow. I will be perfectly fine if they decide to prove me wrong especially considering I will be at the game. So look out for a late night post tomorrow and if you're at the game feel free to say hi if you find me... as long as you're not a creeper.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Suck It Brewers

Being a born and raised San Diego sports fan I think it's only reasonable that I start off this post by saying that today we lost one of the cities most iconic athletes, Junior Seau. I can't really say much about this given the fact that I was 3 when he got drafted and didn't really watch football while he played with us but his death is without a doubt a tragedy for the city. With all the reactions to his death, that I have seen or read, I don't even want to imagine what it will be like when Tony Gwynn dies. By the way I have decided that he's not allowed to die, ever. I love that during the game they incorporated mini tributes to Seau. So without dragging this on, RIP Junior.


Okay, now lets get to my ridiculous perspective of the Padres. Cory is on the 15 day DL and I about threw a fit when I found out. Dear training staff, I will be more than happy to take care of him if you want. It would be great practice as I plan on one day taking your job anyway. Though my version of caring for him probably wouldn't be as beneficial for his elbow but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Plus he'd be getting some cardio in and we all know how important cardio is.

Jeff Suppan got the start in place of Cory so obviously I'm not going to like him because he's replacing Cory, temporarily, and he's wearing Latos' number. You're probably thinking "dude get over it already, Latos is gone." and this is where I tell you, that I look at the 3 on Parrino's back and still think of Khalil and I didn't even really like him so you can suck it. Obviously I associate the first person I see with that number and will always think of them. I do the same thing when I see the 44 on Spence's back, to me it's still belongs to Jake Peavy.

Kotsay = clutch. Dude knocks in Venable with a double and made it to third on the throw home. You're an old man, you shouldn't be this good for us, it just doesn't happen in this organization. Clearly he didn't get the memo that the old guys on the team aren't actually supposed to be useful. I for one am glad he didn't get it. Not only was he useful already in the third inning but he got a nice looking battle wound from his slide into third, I approve. The Padres managed to have the bases loaded with two outs in the bottom of the third and scored two runs off Cam's single. According to my theory, we should win this game. The Padres loaded the bases again in the third but this time produced no runs, but it's okay because they led 3-0 at that point in the game. We made a nice double play to get out of a bases loaded jam in the fourth and I think Enberg might have shit his pants. I don't think I have ever heard him get that excited over something the Padres have done. Parrino is a G and threw himself into the stands and got up like nothing happened during the fifth and the Padres have been playing the best defense they have all season. I'm thinking this is their way of honoring Seau. Guzman having come off the bench contributed with a two run double to give the Padres a 5-0 lead in the bottom of the eighth. Padres hold on to win 5-0 to not only prove my theory correct but get a win streak going and their first series win of the season. Suck it Milwaukee.

Record: 9-17

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Do I Smell the Start of a Win Streak?!

Unfortunately there's no Zombie post tonight which sucks because now all my writing errors can't be blamed on that. I just suck when it comes to proper punctuation which I'm sure you have already figured out and which is why my friend would proofread my papers before I turned them in. Good thing I'm not an English major...

So in the first inning Alonso felt the need to throw himself over the wall and fall awkwardly, yet another reason the Padres need some gymnastics training... you kind of learn how to fall in there and often. Also in the first, Bartlett couldn't get the ball out of his glove to make a play and I wondered how much longer it's going to take before our defense can stop making errors. Didn't you guys work on this during Spring Training?? Seriously, I missed the practices when I was out there so I don't know. Okay with Gamel hitting the wall it has become clear that all baseball players need gymnastics training. We hyperextend things all the time, you're fine.

Volquez had another quality start but he has yet to win me over. As it stands now, I will acknowledge the fact that he is a good pitcher but I won't go as far as to say I like him. I want to know why in the seventh when Alonso went to slide into second he slid in the grass. You have all that space and you manage to slide in the grass?! I'm confused. Cam had a stutter step going on when he stole second in the seventh and I was slightly convinced he was going to hurt himself doing that. I mean he is on the Padres and you know how we are with freak injuries... just think Milton Bradley's knee, Chris Young's line drive to the face, Dustin Moseley's let me bat and dislocate my shoulder, Mat Latos and the "hurt himself sneezing" thing or Michael Barrett's whole fouling a ball into his face thing. Granted the Latos one was a bullshit excuse to rest him so we could utilize him later in the season but still a bizarre "injury" nonetheless.

Kotsay is pretty damn clutch if I do say so myself. There was no doubt in my mind when the ball came off his bat that that ball was out of here. It's pretty fabulous to see that there are Padres who are capable of hitting HR's in Petco and that it's not just every other team that can do so. Kotsay's HR meant that Street got a rare save opportunity and also means that I have to worry about his balls again. Seriously, can someone tell him that there is no need for his pants to be that tight?? Despite the tightness of his pants he made a nice defensive play which if it's not on SportsCenters Top Ten plays, I will be pissed. I do love seeing pitchers after their delivery end in a defensive position and of course I love it when they can field their position like Street did tonight. Street got the save and we got the win but I am thoroughly saddened that I didn't get to use some more colorful words to call Braun tonight. However, I am not sad that we kept him quiet. Maybe my choice words will be used tomorrow... Padres win 2-0 and it smells like the start of another win streak, hopefully one that will last longer than two games.

Record: 8-17