Make It Stop!! Make the Losing Stop!!

I turned the game on early enough to hear and update on Blanks and what I learned, besides that he's fine, is that the reporter doesn't know the difference between her elbow and her shoulder. No, I am not kidding. While trying to explain that the trainers were trying to help loosen up his shoulder and back from running into the wall, she grabs her shoulder and goes on to say elbow. Sweetie, that's a tad bit lower than where you are grabbing. "A" for effort?? Also, Blanks bruise on his eyelid makes it look like he's wearing makeup and let me tell you this, he would make a pretty drag queen...

Braun starts the game off with a two run home run to my BP spot that the new dimensions took away. See what happens when you take away something of mine?! The guy who'd rather let everyone know he has herpes than have everyone think he intentionally does steroids, homers. Good job, Padres, good fucking job. I hate you. Before the inning can end, Marquis his two consecutive batters. I bet Matt Kemp is bitching now that the pitch at his head was on purpose... So ummm Brewers up 5-0 already thanks to two fancy HBP and a home run. Awesome.

Dammit, Cabrera, in an attempt to advance on an out, had too much momentum in his slide and popped off the bag and got called out for the second out of the Padres half of the first. GRAB IT WITH YOUR TOES!! I know all too well how to be a monkey and use your toes to help you with things.

Get this, Alonso BUNTS for a base hit to start the second inning. Yes, you read that correctly, Alonso. Bunt. Base hit. Unfortunately, Kotsay hit into a double play and took away the shock of the bunt before it got to settle in and nothing has happened in the game since... it's now the 5th inning.

So since the Padres refuse to show up, I'm gonna tell you a sad Padres fact that I learned last night... they were once no hit by a pitcher on LSD. Yep, thanks to good old BuzzFeed I learned 3 Myths and 8 True Stories About LSD, and that was one of the truths.

6-0 Brewers as Braun singles in a run in the 5th. Clearly, the Brewers are the only ones to show up tonight. I'd swear the Padres are playing like they aren't being paid. Make it stop. Aaaaand with that said, Marquis loads the bases with two outs in the fifth and now it's Bass time. Wild pitch makes it 7-0 Brewers all of which are charged to Marquis, yikes. You guys didn't make it stop soon enough.

Oh hey, we scored and I didn't see it. 7-1 Brewers in the bottom of the 5th. No shutout for us, hooray. Apparently the Padres like to break other teams pitchers. First, Greinke, obviously. Second, some other Dodgers pitcher and now Lohse. Padres Smash?? Lohse dislocated his pinky running to first somehow. Unfortunately they didn't show us or have an angle to let me see how.

Apparently Sweet Caroline is going to be played for the rest of the season or so it seems. I am so not happy about that. Nothing against supporting Boston but fuck Neil Diamond. It's been played for what, a week now and I'm already beyond sick of hearing the song. It makes me wonder how Red Sox fans can put up with it and then I realized they are all probably shit faced by then and don't care anymore. In the midst of my complaining, they showed Cory for what felt like an eternity and I loved every second of it and found myself smiling at the tv like a loser. In my defense he was totally flirting through the camera and I do believe I just got eye fucked. Not mad, not mad at all. Now if only he'd do this in person. Meanwhile, the Padres lose 7-1.

Record: 5-14