The Cycle: A Mystical Unicorn Becomes Reality

I still can't believe it actually happened. Matt Kemp hit for the cycle last night. Excuse me while I pinch myself. Yep, that happened, the Padres FINALLY hit for the cycle. The cycle was just one of the mystical unicorns the Padres have chased their entire existence AND IT FINALLY APPEARED!! It wasn't just a mystical unicorn for the Padres, it was also one for Kemp himself. I saw a quote on twitter of Glenn Hoffman talking to Kemp, as he stood there on third, about it being the first cycle. Kemp thought Hoffman meant his first cycle. How adorable. I do kind of really love that his entire career as a Dodger he never hit for a cycle and his first season here, he checks it off his list like it was nothing. Of course some Padres fans choose to look at the "negative" side of this historical moment. Yes, Kemp had been a Dodger his entire career prior to joining the Padres but guess what, that blue that he's wearing now, not Dodgers blue. And the deep hatred we used to have towards him vanished when Preller traded for him. I don't care that he was a a Dodger in his past, he's a Padre now and that number of his NEEDS to be retired. When you're the first to do something in a teams history, you deserve to be immortalized on top of the batters eye.

As a Padres fan, I was doubtful that we'd get the cycle last night. We have been so close so many times. We even had multiple players earlier this season in one game who were both one hit away. As I'm sure you have heard, the triple is often the most difficult hit to get. So many things had to go right for Kemp to get the triple to solidify his place in Padres history. And as one who likes to play into superstitions, I was beyond annoyed at how many times I heard or read that he was one hit away during the game. I transformed into the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil monkeys and pretended like no one was talking about it. I like to believe that me pretending like people weren't talking about it is why it happened. Don't shit on my parade if you don't believe in superstitions or that my pretending it wasn't being talked about is why it happened. Just keep your mouths shut and enjoy the history that was made.

In freaky coincidence news, I got these fun facts off the Twitter last night, if you add up 7444 (the number of games it took to get a cycle) and break up the numbers in the date (8-14-15) individually, they both equal 19. How freaky and awesome is that?! Tony might not be alive anymore but he sure as hell is still with us. For all we know, maybe he went all Angels in the Outfield on us last night and that's why Kemp got the cycle.

Long story short, retire Kemp's number, build him a statue, rename the stadium after him. I don't care what you do, just immortalize that moment somehow. Also, pretty sure Preller deserves something too for pulling off the trade that allowed this happen. Best GM EVER.

A Series Win Is Always a Good One but It's Even Better When It's Against the Dodgers

The Padres take the early lead to start the game and are already put in a bases loaded situation thanks to Adrian being a fuck up. Ha ha, Adrian, ha ha. The Dodgers walked in a run on two outs!! HA HA, Dodgers, HA HA. And now they allowed Alexi to single in two more runs. This is awesome. So glad Q took out Greinke last week. 4-0 Padres in .2 innings. I like it. I like it a lot.

I think the Padres just broke another Dodger pitcher. So Padres 2, Dodgers pitcher 0... or - 2. Either works for me. So umm Marquis has gone through two innings with 18 pitches. I'd be willing to bet that Volquez thinks that's some kind of black magic .

5-0 Padres because Kemp can't throw on line and make a play at the plate. I'm enjoying the Padres playing like this. I've missed them terribly. Guess what, Marquis accidentally hit a batter in the third and no one charged the mound. See what happens when a pitcher doesn't tell the hit batter 'fuck you' after accidentally hitting them. Dammit, Marquis loaded the bases with only one out. Please don't blow this for us, you were killing it the first two innings. The Dodgers drove in a run which thank God is only one run because that shit looked like it was about to be a grand slam and my little baseball heart is still trying to recover from that one. 5-1 Padres going into the fourth. We got this... I hope.

So Deno got on or whatever and someone tweeted "Norf" and now I have started an impromptu Pinky and the Brain sing along/quote fest because I always read it as "narf" instead. You can tell I'm having fun watching this game... Despite the score, I'm bored out of my damn mind. So Kemp once again can't throw home and now it's 6-1 Padres. Fun stuff here.

Deno is kind of killing it tonight and Cabrera just took himself out for a hot second there in the top of the sixth. Alonso just missed a home run but it's all good cause Deno comes around to score to make it 7-1 with one out and Alonso on second, yet I'm still extremely bored with this game. Waaaah. Gyorko drives in Alonso and this 8-1 game is scaring me. I can't help but think we are using all our runs up in this series. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we are finally figuring things out and this isn't just luck.

Guess what guys, Matt Kemp is killing it today. His offense has been just as bad as his defense tonight and it is amazing. Karma's a real bitch, ain't it?? Kemp is so on fire that they took him out before the seventh inning started. Ya know, didn't want to rub it in our faces. Nick is kicking ass still and weirding me out. This is not the Nick I'm used to. Also, Marquis is batting for himself in the top of the seventh and might just be the only Padres starter to stay in the game this long.

Marquis starts the 7th with 82 pitches and now I'm sure that Volquez thinks there's some black magic happening. Marquis starts the 8th at 94 pitches and is definitely the only Padres starter to go this far all season. Welp, 107 pitches and 3 hits in 7 2/3 innings before Marquis gets pulled. Whatever, we got this. Yuck, Cashner is in. So the FSSD twitter account said "Cashner for the save in the bottom of the 8th" uhh... Please tell me how you figure it's a save situation in the 8th inning with an 8-1 lead. I'll wait.

The Dodgers opt to hit Blanks to start off the 9th because ya know he was totally crowding the plate and they had to retaliate from Marquis hitting Sellers earlier. If you haven't figured me out by now, that was sarcasm as is just about everything I write. Alexi knocks in another run and now we are leading 9-1. I really, really, REALLY like these Padres. Fuck you, Cashner for walking Twat Waffle Supreme when you had the chance to get him to hit into a double play and end the game. Fuck you very much. I'm so not impressed with Cashner and his walking another batter to load the bases, pisses me the fuck off. Go away. I don't like you and you can't locate to save your life tonight. I know I've written this before but what damn good does it do us if you can reach 100 mph if you can't fucking locate?! Aaaaand Cashner walks in a run. Are you fucking kidding me?! Get your shit together or get the fuck out of the game. Now do you guys see why he is in the bullpen instead of the starting rotation?? Finally Cashner ends the game but not after making me lose my fucking mind. I do believe I lost count how many times I yelled "fuck" or a variation of it at my tv. Whatever, the Padres win 9-2 and finally take a series.

Record: 4-10

One Fight, Two Fight, Drunk Fight, Twitter Fight

So this post is coming to you later than normal because for one, I was at the game and for two, I was freezing balls AND too hyped up from the fights to write this when I got home. As you can guess from the title this will be less about the game and more about the fights. So now that I've had sleep and a chance to calm down from the game, with a super hot man voice, let's get down to it.

One Fight:

Quentin's fight

Greinke and Quentin have a history. Greinke hit Quentin, and with the game being 2-1 and the count being what, 3-2?? I highly doubt hitting Quentin was intentional. HOWEVER, Greinke mouthed off and that's what started this whole thing. Yes, Quentin gets hit A LOT but he's never fully charged the mound like he did last night. Clearly, the history mixed with the mouthing off set him off. Greinke can see, as everyone else, that Quentin has a good 40 pounds on him and to provoke him by saying "fuck you" AFTER hitting him was probably not his smartest move. Well, that or the whole dropping his shoulder as a failed attempt to defend himself. Either way, Greinke's actions lead him to the DL with a fractured collarbone. Sure, Quentin could have just taken his base but he had obviously reached his point with the little bitch and sure the umpires or anyone else near Quentin could have held him back like has been done in the past but they didn't. To say this is Quentins fault is completely unfair. You can't honestly tell me that not one person on the field had no idea there was history between them and that something was bound to happen. No one tried to stop it until it was too late and that's not Quentins fault.

Two Fight:

Alonso's fight

Shortly after the relievers returned to their bullpens, they were running back out on the field because Alonso was about to get into it with, who I later found out was Jerry Hairston Jr. and it looked to me that Matt Kemp was getting in on that too. Now, I don't know what was said to cause this fight but from what I heard, JHJ was mouthing off and Alonso didn't like it. Now, this fight didn't last as long but it was still full of excitement because let's face it, fights are fun to watch.



Drunk Fight: 
Now towards the eighth or ninth inning there was what I can only assume was a drunk fight between Dodgers fans and Padres fans down the third base line. This fight was complete with douches taking off their shirts, getting in peoples faces, security and handcuffs.

Twitter Fight:

Twitter 'fight'

When I got home, naturally I logged into twitter and my timeline was exploding with tweets about the fight and retweets about Dodgers fans being little whiny bitches because of the fight. I made comments like "Dear Greinke, you shouldn't run your mouth at a guy that's got about 40 pounds on you THEN drop your shoulder when he charges" that were retweeted into others timelines along with the tweet to the left and others. Now, I don't know if Dodgers fans were trolling or what but I did get a few, literally a few, people tweet me in response to my comments. One from a Dodgers fan who was actually not a douche about it. One from a Rockies fan who quite frankly needed to STFU with this "have fun in last place" business. Did he forget he's a Rockies fan and what place they came in last season?? Then we've got this twat waffle over here calling me a twat for commenting about Dodgers fangirls being on their phones the entire game instead of watching it. These girls also didn't show up until the third inning, took selfies as soon as they got there then went on to not watch the game but ya know, I'm the twat for going to a game and actually watching it. Fun fact, the dude deleted his tweet within an hour or so of tweeting it and never did respond to my reply.

 Now, when I got home I learned that Don Mattingly is a whiney bitch and Greinke is just a bitch. Their post game interviews were ridiculous. Mattingly with his bullshit "Quentin shouldn't be allowed to play until Greinke can" nonsense. Maybe you should teach your pitchers not to drop their shoulder into a guy that's got a good 40 pounds on him and used to play football and he wouldn't be out for two months. Greinke was trying to play the innocent card and make Quentin look like the bad guy when Quentin was completely upfront about everything and acknowledged that throughout their history he had never acted in the fashion he did last night. Oh yeah, Matt Kemp is a bitch too for trying to start shit after the game only to have Clayton step in and look like he was about to bench press him for fun. What was lost in all this madness yesterday, Quentin didn't break himself which is shocking since he's made out of glass and he was the only Padres player ejected. Good stuff.

I have to say this to those who make comments about cheering for injuries being classless or tactless or whatever, I better not see/hear you talking about boxing or UFC or anything like that. Cheering for injuries is not tactless or classless when there are sports devoted to beating the shit out of people. Get off your high horses. Injuries happen and as with booing, sometimes cheering for them is not done out of hate. I look at Greinke's injury as a 'sweet, we don't have to face an amazing pitcher for the next two months' kind of way and not as a 'sweet, he's hurt. Hahahaha.' kind of way. Though injuries do fascinate me and if a fight breaks out or what have you, yes I will cheer for an injury but not in a malicious way. Anyway, the Padres might have lost the game and the series but we sure as hell won the fight and I can't wait to see how the rest of the series' go for these two teams.

Record: 2-7

 PS: Guys, I deserve a medal or something because I didn't cuss once at the game!! Or start any fights of my own with the stupid Dodgers Barbies.