It has been a long off-season but the time has finally come, Opening Day is upon us once again. Unfortunately this time my heart isn't full of excitement and joy. I am filled with sadness between being incredibly weirded out watching the exhibition game against the Royals the other night and not seeing Heath and Mat at Petco and the fact that unless a last minute miracle happens I will not be going to Opening Day. OK, not maybe not FILLED with sadness but enough to make me not be super excited about the opener tomorrow. In a poorly executed attempt to convince myself everything will be okay if I don't go to the opener, I tried to tell myself it is safer for me to watch the game from the comfort of my couch... or bed. Unless you follow me on Twitter this is the part where you wonder why it would be safer for me to not be in attendance. Well, the answer is simply this, we play the Dodgers. Now you're probably wondering how a game against the Dodgers isn't safe for me. Three words, East LA cholas. I may or may not be stereotyping by saying that but it's pretty much a scientific fact that if you draw on your eyebrows OR have them tattooed on and your makeup resembles something a clown would be wearing than you are most likely a chola.
I remember very clearly a Padres Dodgers game I went to a couple years ago with my mom. We had the displeasure of being surrounded by Dodgers fans, classy ones at that. Ya know the ones ripping up the give away BEAT LA beach towels and getting in fights, yeah those ones. I must admit some were quite clever and tore off the "B" or folded it back and drew a "S" in there so the towels read "EAST LA". This was most likely with a borrowed eyebrow Sharpie from their girlfriend or sister. Anyways, to make it worse this was when Manny was with them and had just gotten off his suspension so every Dodgers fan was all up on his nuts, or what's left of them, and he had just crushed the ball. This fairly large chola next to me was screaming like crazy directly in my ear as this happened. Me, being short tempered and all had a huge problem with this. Not only was this hooker hurting my eyes and ears but my beloved Padres were losing!! Like typical Dodgers fans, the stadium started clearing up shortly after and luckily for me I got my "revenge" at this time. Now, I can't remember who it was but if I had to guess it was probably Adrian and it was probably a homerun. The only thing that matters is one of the Padres did something amazing to give us the lead right as the chola was walking in front of me. Naturally I started screaming my head off, directly in her ear... don't walk in front of me when my boys are up and have the chance to tie and or take the lead if you value your hearing, it's that simple. I am fairly confident I got the look of death for doing that and if the rest of her family wasn't trying to get out of the stands behind her I am convinced she would have tried to start something with me.
The fact of the matter is I'm a tiny girl with a very big and loud mouth, add that to the fact that it's the first game of the season and a rival game at that and well that's just asking for trouble. Usually my loud mouth gets me a few laughs since I typically end up sitting by a random guy and they don't expect someone of my size to say the shit that comes out of my mouth but I guarantee you that every East LA chola that will be in attendance, lets face it most of the seats were probably purchased by Dodgers fans as per usual, is larger than me and can easily beat the shit out of me. As if their look alone wasn't enough to scare the shit out of me, the fact that they could easily beat me up is yet another reason why I will not be crying if I don't make it to the game.
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