I just want to get this out of the way before I start anything else. I spent the last 2.5 hours before the game watching the US Men's Gymnastics Olympic Trials and spent more time yelling "OOOOOH!!!" at the TV for a stuck landing than I have all season at any plays the Padres have made. Translation, you need to step your shit up Padres. I shouldn't be more impressed by a stuck landing than anything you do... even though gymnastics is my first love. I also want to say that no matter how much I might complain about Mark Grant and Dick Enberg, I will gladly take them over gymnastics announcers. THEY. ARE. THE. WORST. Don't tell me a vault was fantastic when the guy about face planted after his initial landing. Okay, gymnastics to baseball rant over.
Cashner makes his first start after being stretched out in the minors today and we get to see just how much or little he pisses me off. So far Cashner hasn't pissed me off too much but he is still throwing more balls than I would like. I don't care how hard you throw the ball, it doesn't matter if you can't get it where you need it to go, simple as that. In the top of the third Chase put the Padres on top with a solo home run and I was still not nearly as impressed by that as I was earlier with a stuck landing, so sad. The one thing about Cashner that I'm impressed with is his speed. He is a lot faster than I thought he would be and I'm fairly confident that the umpire took at least one infield hit away from him. You have seen in the past my frustration when players don't run it out, so it's very refreshing to see a pitcher of all people running it out.
You know a pitcher has something going on when he is sitting all by himself in the dugout. Through five innings Cashner is killing it, thanks in part to Alonso making a nice grab. I refuse to say what it is because you know, superstitions and all but that is as much as I will elaborate at the time being. While Cashner is being all lonely in the dugout the Padres managed to load the bases with one out and Everth up to bat. I smell a double play here. Okay, so there was no double play but Everth struck out and Nick, well he was Nick. The getting out of the inning without us scoring a run was the important thing that I was calling.
MOTHERFUCKER!! Cashner went 6 1/3 innings of no hit baseball until all you fucks on twitter started tweeting the words "no hitter". I am thoroughly ashamed of each and every one of you assclowns for doing that. As baseball fans you should know better than to ever speak or tweet those words!! Not only did you jinx the no hitter but I am fully blaming you for Cashner now giving up a two run shot. You threw off his mojo, douche lords. If this happened during a game I was in attendance for, I would have to punch people for even thinking about speaking those two words... though I might have to stop and think if punching people for jinxing it would be worth being banned from the stadium. Even if you aren't superstitious, respect the fact that other people are. There is no need to be a king douche and ruin it for everyone else. Bottom line, if any of you assdicks even thought to speak the words "no hitter" during the Padres game, I hate you, and if you did speak those words, you are dead to me. The End.
The Padres are starting to look like they are falling apart now which is not surprising but at least I got a good laugh when Deno's throw into third drilled the Astros third base coach in the balls. The Astros doubled in the runner on third and now have a 3-1 lead. Fan-fucking-tastic, we go from a beautiful possible no hitter to looking like we are falling apart in an inning. The Padres are down by one now with runners on first and second with one out. Can we please salvage this game, please?? The Padres once again load the bases and bring a run around as Quentin got drilled to tie the game at 3. FUCK YES!! Team fun size with the grand fucking slam, Padres now up 7-3. This is what I like to call payback. You take away our no-no, we have the smallest guy hit the slam. Payback is a motherfuckin bitch, bitch. Thank you Padres for finally stepping your shit up and giving me something to cheer and bitch about in the same game. That was one of the best games I think I have seen them play in a long time. Padres win 7-3 to split the series and on to Colorado we will go.
Record: 28-49
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