How the Grinch Stole Christmas

It's here, that glorious day is here!! Opening Day brings the best present anyone could ask for, baseball and lots of it. 4,860 glorious games spread across 6 months. Holy shit, I've never done the math before but that's A LOT of baseball AND it doesn't even include the playoffs. Merry fucking Christmas to all!!

The Padres kicked off the season in New York against the Mets. Now if this post is coming around 3pm or later, you can bet your ass that my internal baseball clock didn't go off and I slept through the entire game and was lucky I programmed the DVR... and that's exactly what happened. Oops.

In typical Volquez is pitching fashion, I didn't pay much attention to him, though this time it's probably more because I'm still half asleep than anything... as I yawn while typing that. The one time I did look up to watch Volquez, he threw above the batters head. Splendid, I did kind of love that Enberg basically called him a headcase shortly after. The Mets scored first in the second with two outs and obviously it is very disappointing yet expected with Volquez on the mound. I just really hate that guy.

Oy, Cabrera got drilled in the knee but stayed in the game... I think, I don't know, I'm still half asleep over here. Nonetheless, I bet that felt fabulous but is no comparison to the most amazing injury I've ever seen. Yes, I'm talking about the Louisville basketball player from yesterday. AMAZING. Anyway, the Padres cut the lead in half with a Quentin RBI single, woooh.

Yeah umm, Volquez did exactly what I thought he'd do, suck it up. He didn't even last four innings and had six runs charged to him. If he is worthy of the Opening Day starter position, what does the rest of our rotation look like?! I'm scared!!

God, this game is SUPER embarrassing. Then you throw in the fact that this new reporter chick is talking about a nose job. It is quite stupid. No shit, it's going to help him breathe better but what the fuck do we care, he's not on the Padres. Or is this your sad attempt to distract us from the shit we have put on the field??

So far the only highlight of the game has been Alonso's HR but they are still losing 7-2. In case you weren't already wondering how bored I am with this game, I just saw the commercial with the lady smoking a cigarette through her throat and thought "isn't she dead by now??" Seriously though, isn't she?? Hasn't that commercial been on for at least ten years??

Hold up, now this new reporter chick is pimping out Brach's girlfriend's career?! I thought I was watching baseball not E! News. Go away, unnecessary reporter, GO AWAY!! No one wants to hear about a new nose or a chick trying to become famous when they are watching baseball. Actually, I don't want to hear about anything when I'm watching baseball except for ya know, the actual baseball game.

By the 7th inning, the Mets hit a grand slam and made it an 11-2 game and that is sadly yet expectantly where this game ends. Thank you, Volquez and the Mets for ruining Christmas for us all, bastards. Now I must go to The Big Bang Theory to make me forget about this horrific game.

Record: 0-1

Hooray For Padres Injuries...

News broke not to long ago that Chase Headley will be out for about a month with a broken thumb after attempting to break up a double play in yesterdays spring training game. At this point I'm thinking the Padres need to rename the team to something like "The San Diego Afflictions" with the motto "we only afflict pain on ourselves". Super stupid and cheesy, I know, but I can't think straight anymore and as they said in the horrific Alice in Wonderland remake, I've lost my muchness. 

Along with losing my muchness I've also lost count of how many players are injured but I'm pretty confident the ratio has shifted and there are more broken ones than healthy ones. I'm also pretty confident that may have been my biggest exaggeration yet and I have taken it upon myself to recruit my brother as made apparent by this short Facebook message.

As you can see, I've also taken it upon myself to help out with the training staff. I sure as hell couldn't do much worse than they are. Either way the Padres continue to struggle with injuries and continue to crush our hopes of having a decent season.

Padres Pitching Hits Another Bump

As if the Padres weren't suffering enough with pitching, word has it, Casey Kelly may need Tommy John surgery. Oh and apparently Cory Luebke has hit a bump in his recovery. These not so fun facts combined with the not so fun facts of the whole not doing much in the off-season thing makes me one pissy little girl and yes, I'm about to bring up the Latos trade again and yes, I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. Deal with it... like I should be doing with that trade but won't anytime soon.

Given the fact that we are possibly down yet another pitcher while another's return might be pushed back and the fact that Grandal is suspended for 50 games really makes me question what the Padres were thinking when they made the trade. We NEED pitching, kinda can't win games without it.

I know that trading Latos had little to nothing to do with pitching and more about filling "holes" but the fact that we seem to be hemorrhaging pitchers, is like pouring salt into the wound. Trade: 0, Ashley: 1.

I've probably said it before how we didn't necessarily need a 1B or another catcher and we wouldn't have needed a starting pitcher had we not traded a starting pitcher and well our bullpen, yeah, I'm going to ignore that. Sure they didn't know that Hundley was going to get hurt last season/suck and we were going to need to rely on Grandal but they lucked out with that... at first. Trade: 1, Ashley: 1.

Then the numerous injuries screwing with out pitching during the season and the freak Cashner incident of the  off-season happened. PLUS Grandal's fantastic off-season news came about. I have to believe they didn't know Grandal was using PED's... or maybe they did and overlooked it, who knows but it doesn't help make them look good for making the trade. Trade: 1, Ashley: 2.

I don't follow our minor leagues close enough to know who we have in the system that would be close enough to starting at first or any other positions we claimed the traded filled but we did have Blanks who could have played first, though he was probably hurt too. So I can see the Alonso part of the deal making sense but that's about it since we know I hate Volquez and forgot who the reliever was we got. Trade: 2, Ashley: 2.

Yes, we need guys that are going to do more than just play small ball but what good is that going to do for us if we don't have solid pitching?? To me, the game revolves around pitching. We don't necessarily need the big bats or super fancy defensive skills to win games, though the super fancy Brandon Phillips like plays would be fantastical  and the David Wright, WBC type AB's would be just as fantastical. We have seen it before that we can win games with pitching. Ya know, back in the day when we had one of the best, if not the best, pitching staff. A whole, what, three years ago??

Despite my want for pitchers that can carry the team on days where we can't hit to save our lives, I pretty much hate pitchers duels and would rather have high scoring games than 1-0 shutouts or 2-1 team wins with the starting pitching getting a no decision in both incidences. Though sometimes those no decisions mean a lot more than the pitcher recording the win. Sometimes, they mean the pitcher worked his ass off and did everything possible to give us the best chance of winning with the least amount of power hitting. Of course, at other times, they mean the pitcher completely blew it and our bats magically showed up. But in the case of the Padres, as we all know, we rely heavily on the first example. As you can tell, I can't make up my mind about pitching. I very strongly acknowledge the need for dominant pitching and desperately want that but my attention span seems to be more than okay with high scoring games which completely goes against the logical want.

In my nonscientific or probably even really logical opinion, the trade evens out with me, though I should dock points for the suspension and therefore my logic or lack there of wins. Let's just face it, I'm a mess of a blogger and counteract my own points at times but that's what happens when I'm too emotionally involved in the team and can't separate wants from needs.

Sweet Baby Jesus, There's Baseball On

So I'm watching the World Baseball Classic and not even an hour into me watching it, we have already had our first "DROP, DROP, DROP!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!" of the season. Oh, baseball, how I've missed you so much!! I knew I missed baseball and was ready for it to be back but I didn't think I was going to be THAT excited for it already. Clearly, I'm more than excited for baseball to be back than I thought or even expected I would be.

First thing's first, this is I think the first time I've bothered to watch the World Baseball Classic. I got excited to see that Brazil was playing. Though, I'm not Brazilian, I am Portuguese so I feel a slight connection to all things Brazil. If Brazil is competing and Portugal is not, you can bet your ass I'm cheering for Brazil. With that said, I was extremely caught off guard when I looked up at the batter for Brazil to see that he was Asian. I promptly yelled at my TV "Why are you Asian?!". I was expecting more along the line of a typical Brazilian. I was also expecting a lot of those typical Brazilian asses. Needless to say, I am very disappointed right now.

My next question, where are all the Rodrigues' and Correia's and Teixeira's on Brazil?! Or are those strictly Portugal Portuguese names?? Seriously, where are they?! I'm so confused right now this is ridiculous. I understand not everyone is going to have a typical Portuguese or Brazilian name but shit, at least the dudes from Cuba have typical Latin names. Stop confusing me, WBC.

Now for the final moment of utter confusion, Barry Larkin. Why is he the coach for Brazil?! I tried to Google to see if maybe he was Brazilian or something but I got a tad bit sidetracked and frustrated with Google. I still have no clue why he is the coach or why there are so many atypical Brazilians on the team. They explained earlier why there were so many Asians but I stopped listening.

Brazil is losing and pissing me off and forcing me to call them the one bad word that I do remember in Portuguese. Ugh, can we not disappoint me before the actual season starts?? I seriously feel like I'm watching the College World Series or even the Little League World Series but, hey, it's baseball. Baseball that I'm about to turn off. Why am I about to turn it off?? Because Cuba has the bases loaded and no outs. NOT OKAY, BRAZIL. NOT OKAY!! Also, I'm sick of seeing the same Under Armour commercial with Bryce Harper, though his arms look amazing. Yeah, umm with Cuba winning 5-0 and have the bases loaded with 2 outs, I'm totally turning this off now. Tomorrow I will at least have my Padres to watch, even if it is only Spring Training.

Warning: Ridiculous Post Ahead

I was just informed that Grady Sizemore is a free agent this season and you know what that means, it's time for another ridiculous "the Padres should get Grady" post.

Okay, so we all know that I adore Grady Sizemore and have since '07 and that him being plagued with injuries has heartbroken me. It really sucks to see a player, with as much talent and passion as Grady, be on the DL for more games than he's played in during a season... or seasons. Grady was always fun to watch and let's face it, he is an extremely attractive man. His defensive abilities were my favorite to watch when I'd get the chance to watch Indians games. Sure, his offense wasn't bad to watch either, at first, but it was his defense that sold me. I loved watching him layout to make catches or scale the wall to take away homeruns but with all the injuries those defensive skills are only a memory.

Now why would the Padres want someone so injury prone?? Well, they wouldn't but our team is already injury prone so we might as well have someone who is a fantastical player when they are healthy than someone who is only decent enough to play for the Padres when they are healthy. Besides, we know the Padres like to sign players that used to be great and now are mediocre at best. As far as I know, the Padres are working with Quentin, Maybin, Denorfia and Venable for their OF's once again. Honestly, I'd rather have a broken Grady than Deno and Venable. Grady has had knee problems but so has Quentin, we'd obviously need Deno and Venable to play backup in case a new injury occurs or an old one flairs up.

What's the harm in getting Grady?? Welp, I was going to say Grady is younger than Quentin so I'd have more faith in him getting back to his old self but I just googled it and they are the same age. So much for that theory. Yes, Grady plays center and yes, we have Maybin playing there but I'm sure we could move Grady to left or right and he wouldn't complain because, well, he'd be on a team. I highly doubt he is willing to give up on something he's worked so hard to get. I know I wasn't ready to quit gymnastics when I had to and I was just doing it for fun. Grady has mentioned before that he enjoys playing in Petco so there's that too.

There's a reason I said this was a ridiculous post, because I'm just throwing out my thoughts and not basing it off of facts or anything, just pure "I want Grady so I can have someone to stare at when the Padres are getting their asses kicked" ridiculousness. My first Grady post was a lot better and I apologize for this one. It's all over the place and like I said, ridiculous. Like, 38 kinds of ridiculous. With all the crazy I just wrote, I'd be probably die if the Padres actually did get Grady because this is all kind of a big joke to me. Yes, I want him but I don't see it ever actually happening. Hooray for ridiculously high hopes.

Calm Yo Tits, Games Are Back!!

Well today marks the first day of actual baseball games and guess what, the Padres won!! Not only did they win, they did it basically in the first inning. Now, unfortunately I didn't get to hear any of the game since I was hiding in my room, in the dark, and the At Bat app needed me to sign in but I forgot the log in info and yeah. I did get to follow along some on twitter and heard that Gyorko hit a fantastical grand slam. Clearly, that's all anyone needed to know about the game. That and that we won 9-3. Hopefully I won't be missing anymore Padres games now that I did the whole log in info thing for At Bat but ya know, I'll probably still be sleeping or something so don't expect many spring training game posts. Oh and FSSD posted a link somewhere on twitter for which games will be televised. Go find it because I already forgot where it is and don't want to search twitter for it.

Anyway, by the time I grabbed my laptop to get my log in information, the only game left to listen to was the Reds Indians game. The Reds were up by two going into the bottom of the ninth and the Indians hit a three run double to win it. Fuck yeah, Cleveland. I wish I was at the game because the announcers were finding it entertaining that no one was celebrating. Why wasn't anyone celebrating, you ask. Well that's because the Reds were trying to appeal at third. If I were at the game, I'd have been laughing my ass off and probably yelling at the Reds for that decision. Seriously bro, calm yo tits, it's the first game of SPRING TRAINING. These games mean absolutely nothing and there is no logical reason to appeal anything in them. Now you guys know I like the Indians and the Reds as well but I'm having one of my moments where I hate the Reds and want them to lose at everything so the fact that they appealed a meaningless game is laughable. This moment is most likely brought to you by the fact that I had a dream about Grady Sizemore, other circumstances may apply.

A Fitness Lesson From Chase and Myself... Or Something Like That

Chase Headley is an inspiration to workout. Okay, not really but kind of... I guess. Early today the Padres tweeted this picture of Chase Headley working out. About a couple hours ago, I tweeted this picture of me "working out". I put working out in quotes there because if you know me, I'm not a fan of working out or people constantly updating everyone that they are going to the gym or to yoga or announcing they are all of a sudden gluten free, meat free, dairy free, anything that tastes good free because it's the new thing to be. I have known fat vegetarians and vegans so if you think cutting out all the good stuff is going to make you skinny, know that there is a chance it won't work. I, for one, am whole heartedly for eating what you want and working out because you want to and not because it's the newest fad and you're trying to be like someone else. I will talk shit and make fun of you if you are one of those people. And no, I'm not encouraging you to be fat and not workout. I do believe you should workout but like I said, do it because you want to and not because you want to be like someone else. In other words don't do yoga because Jennifer Aniston does it and it works for her or P90X because you found out your favorite athlete does it and it works for them. If you want my opinion, choose a sport. Sports give you everything you need to eat shit and still look good, well it does for me. See, another example of one thing working for one person but not necessarily for you. In all seriousness, sports give you the cardio you need to lose weight, weight training to help you build or tone your muscles (if you're on a legit team)  and of course stretching to gain the necessary flexibility for your chosen sport. Plus it's a good way to release all your negative energy. Seriously, try going to a batting cage when you're pissed. Hitting the shit out of the balls will make you feel so much better or go to a boxing gym and spend some quality time with the punching bag.

Now back to the reason I started this post... Note the similarities, loads of Padres stuff from our clothes to the walls and us not looking at the camera. Clearly, we are focused on our fitness. Now note the differences, Chase has no spotter. I, on the other hand, have the wall. I'm pretty sure the first rule of weight lifting is to have a spotter to help prevent you from injuring yourself. Now, I'm not lifting 225 pounds without a spotter like Chase, assuming each weight is 45 lbs and the bar is as well, but I have in essence a spotter in the wall. Shocked I know that shit, huh?? Suck it, I've spent enough time in gyms to know what's up and to know they do absolutely nothing for me. Anyway, I'd liked to assume that the person taking the picture of Chase is his spotter and this was taken on his first rep where it theoretically is less dangerous for him to lift that weight on his own BUT that's just me and wishful thinking. Now, if I were to lose my balance, I was set up close enough to the wall to prevent me from completely eating shit. However, if Chase were to lose balance helloooooo DL.

After I saw that picture this afternoon I wondered if this was a normal thing for the Padres to do. Then I started remembering how many players were on the DL last season... it all makes sense now. Of course, this is just speculation as is anything I write about the Padres, unless stated otherwise. Still, it makes sense and after all  I was blaming the injuries on the strength and conditioning coach to begin with. Now, I just feel like I have proof to back that up. Though, I believe we don't have that coach anymore. I had retweeted the photo and asked why he didn't have a spotter and announced "safety first!!"... the Padres didn't respond to me this time. They don't like it when I criticize something. I was not the only person to tweet them mentioning the lack of a spotter but I didn't see any responses to our concerns. I really hope this isn't a normal thing for the Padres and if it is, I hope it's not the cause of all the DL stints last season. Now, to go eat the rest of my pizza from last night because that's really how I stay in shape.