Volquez Gets the Win?! What the?! What?!

Once again, I wasn't going to write this but I had a few gems on twitter that need to be shared some more. Volquez is doing surprisingly well today. I use well loosely here, he hasn't given up any runs yet. In the second inning the Padres had the bases loaded with no outs and in true Padres fan fashion I tweeted "Wow, bases loaded and no outs?! We better not fuck this up", two seconds later "We fucked it up". Gyorko apparently forgot that he has at least three chances to hit the ball because he swung on the first pitch he saw and hit it directly to the SS and Alonso got doubled up. I want to say that I can't believe that happened but who the hell am I kidding, it's the Padres of course that happened.

Quentin gets the scoring started with a solo home run in the fourth. I'm glad he's back!! Oh and by "getting scoring started" I mean, scoring. Nothing more happened that inning. What is shocking, is that Volquez hasn't shit the bed yet. For what it's worth, I still like that none of our home runs have been aided by the new dimensions. Hooray for money well spent...

Umm Volquez bunted Hundley to second and he realized no one was covering third so he went to take third and there was a throwing error and now we are winning 2-0. What in God's green earth just happened?! If we win this, I'm watching the game in the dark until we lose. Superstitions are real, dammit!!

Holy shit, hell is freezing over. Volquez is in the 7th inning and only at 84 pitches to start it. Volquez goes 7 innings, gave up 5 hits, struck out 3 and didn't walk anyone. Oh and was under 100 pitches. Excuse me while I go into shock. Don't be fooled, one good start is not enough to make me like Volquez. I mean look at all that Cabrera has been doing and I still hate him.

Shit on a stick!! The Padres were one catch away from ending the game and the ball dropped between three players. That runner came around to score because apparently, Alexi got the jitters and couldn't make the catch to end the inning. A freak incident gives the Padres the final out. Seriously, it was a weird way to end the game. I can't even explain it but the Padres hang on to win their first home game since the home opener. Yes, the first game since the home opener. Don't act like you're surprised.

Record: 6- a lot

*Sigh* Not Again

Guess what guys, Cody Ransom is a troll as is just about every player the Padres have let go. Ransom was 2 for 3 with a home run when I turned the end of the Cubs Reds game on. Other players that suddenly got their shit together after leaving us; Edmunds and Ludwick are all that come to mind right now but I know there are others. This makes me think it's something with the dynamic of the team and not anything about the field itself. Obviously you're going to be more comfortable in certain situations and will get along better with certain teams than other and I'm beginning to think that's the case. I'm also beginning to think I'm not making any sense because I can't see straight right now much less think straight.

How come whenever I don't want to write this damn thing, I end up writing something anyway?! Seriously, I want absolutely nothing to do with this tonight and here I am, writing away. I hate myself for this. Meanwhile the Padres are already losing and it's only the first inning. I didn't see what happened because I was watching the end of the Cubs Reds game. In Quentin's first AB after coming back from his 8 game suspension singles in the tying run. Alonso singles in a run to make it 2-1 Padres and Quentin hustles to third. I'm kinda wishing he didn't because now there's an easy DP opportunity. Yep, called it. Deno hit into a DP to end the inning but at least we have the lead... for now.

Aaaaaand there goes the lead. 3-2 Brewers in the second. Make that 4-2 Brewers. I'm already over this game. Scratch that 6-2 Brewers and Clayton just got pulled. Poor guy didn't even last two innings. I remember a time when he didn't completely suck and would win every game I was at. It's almost like it was a dream now.

We got a run back, (enter sarcastic "yay" here). 6-3 Brewers. Nothing worth mentioning has happened since whenever we got that run back... it's now the 7th and we have the bases loaded but my eyes could care less and are fighting to stay closed. The Padres lose and now I can put myself to bed.

Record: 5-15

Make It Stop!! Make the Losing Stop!!

I turned the game on early enough to hear and update on Blanks and what I learned, besides that he's fine, is that the reporter doesn't know the difference between her elbow and her shoulder. No, I am not kidding. While trying to explain that the trainers were trying to help loosen up his shoulder and back from running into the wall, she grabs her shoulder and goes on to say elbow. Sweetie, that's a tad bit lower than where you are grabbing. "A" for effort?? Also, Blanks bruise on his eyelid makes it look like he's wearing makeup and let me tell you this, he would make a pretty drag queen...

Braun starts the game off with a two run home run to my BP spot that the new dimensions took away. See what happens when you take away something of mine?! The guy who'd rather let everyone know he has herpes than have everyone think he intentionally does steroids, homers. Good job, Padres, good fucking job. I hate you. Before the inning can end, Marquis his two consecutive batters. I bet Matt Kemp is bitching now that the pitch at his head was on purpose... So ummm Brewers up 5-0 already thanks to two fancy HBP and a home run. Awesome.

Dammit, Cabrera, in an attempt to advance on an out, had too much momentum in his slide and popped off the bag and got called out for the second out of the Padres half of the first. GRAB IT WITH YOUR TOES!! I know all too well how to be a monkey and use your toes to help you with things.

Get this, Alonso BUNTS for a base hit to start the second inning. Yes, you read that correctly, Alonso. Bunt. Base hit. Unfortunately, Kotsay hit into a double play and took away the shock of the bunt before it got to settle in and nothing has happened in the game since... it's now the 5th inning.

So since the Padres refuse to show up, I'm gonna tell you a sad Padres fact that I learned last night... they were once no hit by a pitcher on LSD. Yep, thanks to good old BuzzFeed I learned 3 Myths and 8 True Stories About LSD, and that was one of the truths.

6-0 Brewers as Braun singles in a run in the 5th. Clearly, the Brewers are the only ones to show up tonight. I'd swear the Padres are playing like they aren't being paid. Make it stop. Aaaaand with that said, Marquis loads the bases with two outs in the fifth and now it's Bass time. Wild pitch makes it 7-0 Brewers all of which are charged to Marquis, yikes. You guys didn't make it stop soon enough.

Oh hey, we scored and I didn't see it. 7-1 Brewers in the bottom of the 5th. No shutout for us, hooray. Apparently the Padres like to break other teams pitchers. First, Greinke, obviously. Second, some other Dodgers pitcher and now Lohse. Padres Smash?? Lohse dislocated his pinky running to first somehow. Unfortunately they didn't show us or have an angle to let me see how.

Apparently Sweet Caroline is going to be played for the rest of the season or so it seems. I am so not happy about that. Nothing against supporting Boston but fuck Neil Diamond. It's been played for what, a week now and I'm already beyond sick of hearing the song. It makes me wonder how Red Sox fans can put up with it and then I realized they are all probably shit faced by then and don't care anymore. In the midst of my complaining, they showed Cory for what felt like an eternity and I loved every second of it and found myself smiling at the tv like a loser. In my defense he was totally flirting through the camera and I do believe I just got eye fucked. Not mad, not mad at all. Now if only he'd do this in person. Meanwhile, the Padres lose 7-1.

Record: 5-14