Grandal and Armarista Remind the Team That They Are Indeed In Colorado

Lets get this out of the way, I don't care what the Padres do tonight because Latos just made me even more bitter about the trade. I want him back, NOW and by now you know I mean last December. In other "I'm bitter about the trade" news, Grandal got called up last night again as Nick was sent down to work shit out. Like I've said before, I think Grandal is the only guy from that trade that I don't dislike so I'm excited that he gets the start today. However, Volquez and Alonso are starting also.

The Padres had something starting early when Logan singled and made it to third on an error unfortunately the Padres still haven't figured out that they are playing in Colorado. Also unfortunately for me Fox hates me because my picture looks like this on the "normal" setting as well as the "wide" and "panoramic" settings.  Apparently everyone and their mom has a normal looking picture, except for me. Asshole. Fun fact: the Padre have used THIRTEEN starting pitchers this season. This is beyond unacceptable almost as unacceptable as grown men playing Call Me Maybe in the clubhouse or Coor's Field playing Spice Girls.


Grandal just got his first career hit in the top of the fourth, a home run at that, to put the Padres up 1-0. I love that he came back into the dugout and was high fiving the air while the rest of the team acted like it was nothing. That always makes me smile when guys goof around like that. The Padres lead didn't last long as Volquez gave up a solo home run on the first pitch of the inning. Good job, bro. I want to know why the ball went to Cam's left but he reached to his right... that was just weird. Grandal airmailed the ball to first to bring another run around for the Rockies. The only good part of that whole play, Chase getting the runner out at third. Volquez drills the next batter and is making sure that I continue to be bitter about that trade.

I hate that Fox is being weird and that I don't know what inning I'm in since I'm barely paying attention but Quentin just got drilled and Grandal just hit his second home run of the night/career to make it 3-2 Padres. The next inning Alexi starts off the inning with a home run of his own to make it 4-2 Padres. Looks like they finally remembered they are playing in Colorado. Yasmani has a chance with two on, no outs to do some more damage but the only damage he did was hit into a double play. It's alright, you have done more in two at bats than the majority of the team has done all season. Cam finally comes through with a  single to score Chase from third. Yep, they figured out they are in Colorado for sure. Alexi jacks a three run shot to make it 8-2. The Rockies scored a couple runs to make the game and 8-4 final but I don't really care about that, on to tomorrow!!

Record: 29-50

Yeah, We Forgot We Were in Colorado...

Dear Mark Grant,
It is not necessary to say "there goes the no-hitter" after the lead off man gets on base. It's annoying and makes you sound stupid. I have tried to like you but you insistence on being annoying makes it very difficult to even try.
Sincerely,
Me

The Rockies scored first during the first to make it a 1-0 game. They also scored another run in the third to make it a 2-0 game. I noticed something "interesting" during the game, in the fourth Chase was up to bat and instead of showing his stats or what he did in his last plate appearance it showed his height, weight, age and where he's from. Since when do the Padres do that?! I've decided it was the Padres way of shopping Chase mid-game. You know in case prospective buyers are watching the Padres game. HA, who am I kidding, Padres fans barely watch the games.

Mark Grant got on his whole if I were commissioner soapbox again during the game. His shit is so annoying, pretty sure he would be the worst commissioner ever. Oops, someone forget to grab their sunglasses and had to go into the dugout to get them so the batter should get to finish his plate appearance without a first baseman. Umm, shut the fuck up. How would any of that be fair?! Apparently earlier he also talked about how long the grass should be, thank God I had the TV muted at that point.


During the bottom of the sixth the Rockies had one on and Car-Go up to bat. Car-Go got an RBI triple then came around to score on the horrendous throw by Logan. That throw was absolutely TERRIBLE. I don't think I have seen a throw worse than that, ever. Okay, now the Rockies are up 5-0 and the Padres apparently forgot how to throw on-line. Rockies score one more before the inning is over to make it 6-0 Rockies. Clearly the Padres have decided that after that game winning grand slam last night that the season was over because there was no way to top that and have decided that no other game this season counts. It's the only logical explanation for playing like this in the thin air, balls fly like no other, stadium.


I was about to write "the Padres do know they are playing in Colorado right??" then Quentin remembered as he hit a solo home run. Thank you Quentin for showing the Padres what they are supposed to be doing, Padres now trail 6-1. Padres score on a Deno single to drive in Alexi from second. The Rockies jack a two run shot to put them up 8-2 and I'm sooooooo over this game. Welp, another two run homer makes it 10-2 Rockies. Is it time for the Olympic Trials for Women's Gymnastics yet?? It's pretty annoying that we are in Colorado and we still can't score. Padres lose 10-2, awesome.

Record: 28-50

Very Superstitious but Payback is a Motherfuckin Bitch

I just want to get this out of the way before I start anything else. I spent the last 2.5 hours before the game watching the US Men's Gymnastics Olympic Trials and spent more time yelling "OOOOOH!!!" at the TV for a stuck landing than I have all season at any plays the Padres have made. Translation, you need to step your shit up Padres. I shouldn't be more impressed by a stuck landing than anything you do... even though gymnastics is my first love. I also want to say that no matter how much I might complain about Mark Grant and Dick Enberg, I will gladly take them over gymnastics announcers. THEY. ARE. THE. WORST. Don't tell me a vault was fantastic when the guy about face planted after his initial landing. Okay, gymnastics to baseball rant over.

Cashner makes his first start after being stretched out in the minors today and we get to see just how much or little he pisses me off. So far Cashner hasn't pissed me off too much but he is still throwing more balls than I would like. I don't care how hard you throw the ball, it doesn't matter if you can't get it where you need it to go, simple as that. In the top of the third Chase put the Padres on top with a solo home run and I was still not nearly as impressed by that as I was earlier with a stuck landing, so sad. The one thing about Cashner that I'm impressed with is his speed. He is a lot faster than I thought he would be and I'm fairly confident that the umpire took at least one infield hit away from him. You have seen in the past my frustration when players don't run it out, so it's very refreshing to see a pitcher of all people running it out.


You know a pitcher has something going on when he is sitting all by himself in the dugout. Through five innings Cashner is killing it, thanks in part to Alonso making a nice grab. I refuse to say what it is because you know, superstitions and all but that is as much as I will elaborate at the time being. While Cashner is being all lonely in the dugout the Padres managed to load the bases with one out and Everth up to bat. I smell a double play here. Okay, so there was no double play but Everth struck out and Nick, well he was Nick. The getting out of the inning without us scoring a run was the important thing that I was calling.


MOTHERFUCKER!! Cashner went 6 1/3 innings of no hit baseball until all you fucks on twitter started tweeting the words "no hitter". I am thoroughly ashamed of each and every one of you assclowns for doing that. As baseball fans you should know better than to ever speak or tweet those words!! Not only did you jinx the no hitter but I am fully blaming you for Cashner now giving up a two run shot. You threw off his mojo, douche lords. If this happened during a game I was in attendance for, I would have to punch people for even thinking about speaking those two words... though I might have to stop and think if punching people for jinxing it would be worth being banned from the stadium. Even if you aren't superstitious, respect the fact that other people are. There is no need to be a king douche and ruin it for everyone else. Bottom line, if any of you assdicks even thought to speak the words "no hitter" during the Padres game, I hate you, and if you did speak those words, you are dead to me. The End. 


The Padres are starting to look like they are falling apart now which is not surprising but at least I got a good laugh when Deno's throw into third drilled the Astros third base coach in the balls. The Astros doubled in the runner on third and now have a 3-1 lead. Fan-fucking-tastic, we go from a beautiful possible no hitter to looking like we are falling apart in an inning. The Padres are down by one now with runners on first and second with one out. Can we please salvage this game, please?? The Padres once again load the bases and bring a run around as Quentin got drilled to tie the game at 3. FUCK YES!! Team fun size with the grand fucking slam, Padres now up 7-3. This is what I like to call payback. You take away our no-no, we have the smallest guy hit the slam. Payback is a motherfuckin bitch, bitch. Thank you Padres for finally stepping your shit up and giving me something to cheer and bitch about in the same game. That was one of the best games I think I have seen them play in a long time. Padres win 7-3 to split the series and on to Colorado we will go.


Record: 28-49

So We Give Up Two Hits and Still Lose?! WE. ARE. AWESOME.

Not even a half hour into the game and they are already in the bottom of the third. Just when I begin to think this game is going to be a super fast one, Clayton gives up a solo home run, making this inning the longest so far. I seriously do not think I have seen an inning go by as quickly as the first did. For some reason during one of  the first three innings they started talking about fashion, again. I don't care that they were talking about retro uniforms, this is a baseball game not Project Runway, stop it. They also brought up Aroldis Chapman's little celebration after he closed out the game last night for the Reds. I'm not sure why because I tend to tune out Mark Grant and only hear him when he says something stupid. Everyone seems to have a huge issue about that, the celebration thing not the tuning out Grant thing... okay maybe that too. I understand completely that it comes off as disrespectful but he was excited to not be blowing saves. What I don't understand is Mark Grant's comment about if he did a round off back handspring instead. So it's not okay for Chapman to do somersaults but it would be if he did a round off back handspring?! Oh, okay because that wouldn't be a lot more of a shove it in your face thing than a couple of somersaults, that makes perfect sense. All of that just brings me to this, "I know I should respect your opinion but I find that difficult because you're a fucking idiot". I'm not sorry if this statement pisses you off because you like Mark Grant. I'm sure he's a super nice guy or whatever but his comments make me think that more often that I ever should for one person.

As if I didn't like Leila enough as it is, a foul ball came right to her in the bottom of the fifth and she didn't even attempt to catch it, THEN she went on to ask how you're supposed to catch a ball with a mic in your hand. Uhh, you have two hands for a reason, after all people have caught the ball with a baby in their arms and I'm pretty sure a baby is more valuable than a mic, I could be wrong though. Besides if you really need both hands to catch something you can still do it with something in one hand, it's not that hard.


An hour and a half into the game and we are already done with seven innings. I guess that "super long" third inning didn't slow down the game at all. Clayton gave up two hits in seven innings and they pulled him?! Why the hell would you do that?? It's not like his pitch count was way up there or anything. Please don't tell me he got hurt and that's why he came out of the game. I don't think I can handle any more injuries. The Padres had the chance to tie it in the ninth with Alexi pinch running for Quentin on a single by Logan. I know Alexi has the speed but why the hell did we send him on that?! The Padres once again have the chance to tie it in the ninth and even take the lead, unfortunately the odds are against us... bases loaded, two outs and Nick up to bat. Nick Struck out and the Padres lose 1-0 in about two hours making it probably one of the fastest games I have ever watched. 

Record: 27-49

PS. If you haven't figured it out by this point, I had my sassy pants on while writing this.

The Padres Are Nothing More Than a Giant Tease

So I missed the first couple innings of the game because I was having a beach day with my birthday twin but we finally made our way to a sports bar and had to ask them to turn the game on. Once the game was on I noticed the Padres had the bases loaded and wondered how the hell that was possible. We, of course, didn't score. No big deal, the game was still early and tied 0-0, now to see how this Wells guy does... I don't like him. I'm not any kind of okay with him and his whole "I don't know how to throw first pitch strikes" bullshit. Will hit a solo home run that was pretty obvious to us was a no doubter but from the looks of how he was rounding the bases he didn't seem to think it was and neither did the umps until Black came out and they went back to review it. The Padres lead didn't last long as one of the Astros hit a solo home run to tie it.

Apparently between the time we left the sports bar and the time I got home, the Astros scored four more runs and I found out they optioned Parrino. They need to speak to me before these things because Parrino is not one of the players I would have optioned especially after that play he made last night. However, I about had a mini panic attack when I was informed he got optioned. For some reason, maybe the exposure to the sun, made me think that option meant released and I had a mini panic attack before I remembered that optioned isn't a terrible thing. Yeah, I'd rather him be up with the Padres than in AAA but with talks of Chase possibly being traded, I don't think it's going to be long before he gets brought back up and worked in with Logan, Everth and Alexi. When I got home they apparently decided to pinch hit Chase for Kotsay which didn't make any kind of sense to me. I figured if they were going to pinch hit for Kotsay that it would have been Guzman or Alonso so that one of them would take over first without wasting a player. Turns out, Chase plays first as well. It is one of the weirdest things ever knowing that he's playing first. I don't think I have ever seen him there or knew he knew how to play there. Can you guys stop weirding me out by doing stuff like that?? Thanks. Chase drove in two on an RBI single to make it a 5-3 game with the tying run up to bat with two outs in the ninth. Baker singled to move Chase to third and now this game rest on Everth's shoulders... I don't like this. Everth got hit and now the bases are loaded with everything coming down to Team Fun Size. Again, I don't really like this. I like watching Alexi but I don't feel like he is going to be able to get that key hit we need, though he did pull through the other day. He didn't pull through and the Padres lose 5-3. This loss is almost as bad as losing to the Cubs.

Record: 27-48

Well Wasn't That Fantastical?!

Fair warning, I'm multitasking right now. Two pitches into the Astros half of the first and the Padres already give up a home run. Please tell me that's going to be the only home run we give up today. Apparently not, as we allowed Carlos Lee to hit solo shot as well. With the way this game is starting I sure am glad I'm multitasking this game with the Reds Brewers game... don't mind me if I start writing about Latos' start instead of our game. The Padres got one run back in the top of the second but my multitasking skills were failing me so I don't know how we got it back. Nick stepped up and hit a two run double to give the Padres a 3-2 lead. I know it's still early but where has this Nick been hiding?! Deno added on to the Padres lead with an RBI single to score Nick and make it a 4-2 game. Whenever the Padres score more than a run or two in a game I get worried that that will be all the runs we get during the series. It's a very legit concern.

The Astros got one of those runs back in the bottom of the second and once again my multitasking failed me. Not my fault Latos is killing it for the Reds tonight. Okay maybe it is, I sent some good juju his way... well as much juju as positive thoughts send. Logan doubled in a run in the top of the third and this is going to be one of those "please don't let this be all the runs we get this series" series, Padres lead 5-3. I clearly can't be counted on to write a decent post when I'm watching more than one game because the Astros scored again and I couldn't tell you how. Yeah the Astros tied it but I was a little busy watching Latos throw a complete game while setting a career high 13K's and being pissed that he's not with us anymore, sorry. I also don't know how the Astros took the lead back due to the excitement running over from the Reds game, that was played more like a Padres game than a Reds game. I find that funny because this Padres game is being played more like a Reds game than a Padres game except of course the Padres are on the losing end of both those scenarios... usually. Guzman with the two run shot in the top of the eighth to give the Padres back the lead. If we pull this off, today will have been a fantastical day of baseball for me.

They gave up a solo shoot to Castro to tie the game at 7-7 after eight, this is going to be a long game... enter extra innings. Okay so it wasn't as long as I thought since Quentin doubled to score Chase and the Padres took the lead back for what seems to be the millionth time this game. The Padres win it in 10 by a score of 8-7. Suck it Stros!!

Record: 27-47

They Said This One Was for AK and They Pulled Through

Today started off with some sad news for the Padres family. Bullpen coach Darrel Akerfelds died this morning. Some of the players carried his jersey out to the bullpen and I about lost it. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to place a face with the name but seeing how the Padres honored him would probably trigger tears for just about anyone... unless you're soulless. Anyway RIP AK.

Lets just get this out of the way, Volquez is starting, gross. There was nothing exciting going on until the fourth inning. The Padres loaded the bases with no outs in the fourth, shocking. I got excited that we had the bases loaded until I realized Cam was up. I really like him but he sucks right now and I have no faith in this at bat. If he doesn't bring in a run I don't think we will with the 8 and 9 batters up next. Cam lined one to the pitcher who literally saved his face with that catch. Aaaaand I was wrong, Alexi hit a ground rule double to bring in two, giving the Padres the 2-0 lead. That fourth inning was the only inning worth watching. I'm really beginning to get sick of this whole only scoring in one inning thing. The Padres take this one for AK and win 2-0.

Record: 26-47