Wait, Shit, Fuck, Dammit!! I'm So Confused!! Part Three

Why do I have this strange fascination with watching batting practice?? I about freaked out because I didn't get to watch BP on Thursday like I had originally planned, I made sure Kelly and myself got to Petco early so we could catch it  yesterday and today Colleen, Brandon and myself got to go on the field for BP. Oh yeah, not to mention almost every game I had ever gone to until this season I got there in time to catch BP. Seriously, I have this strange fascination with it and I don't understand why. I guess we can add that to the confusion experienced during this series.

I'm too tired to make a decent post beyond what I had typed before I left for the game tonight so I'll just throw in some pictures and hopefully they will tell a decent enough story.

Cozart

Charlie Sheen and somebody I don't know

Ludwick

Latos, Arroyo, Sheen

Side note: Charlie Sheen was too busy drooling over baseball players than to pay attention to the fact that my boobs were on display. I was thoroughly surprised he didn't notice boobs given his history. The Reds were also too busy drooling over Charlie Sheen to notice boobs tonight. Whatever, it got their attention last night. Also if you can't tell by the pictures, I was confused once again with my cheering but nothing compares to Thursday nights confusion.

Padres lost 6-5 and I'm hoping they win tomorrow because well just because.

Record: 34-52

Wait, Shit, Fuck, Dammit!! I'm So Confused!! Part Two

I think I will do this one in a good news, bad news style...

Good News

• Got to the game in time to watch BP
• Charisma and jbox, from Gaslamp Ball, had extra tickets and we got to sit in 115 instead of utilizing park passes
• I wasn't nearly as confused when it came to cheering tonight as I was last night
• Cozart hit a home run to start off the game
• I didn't use nearly as many colorful words as last night
• I got to stay in the same seat the entire game
• At least it wasn't a no hitter

Bad News

• Cozart hit a home run to start off the game
• I didn't use nearly as many colorful words as last night
• The Reds look to have gotten back their hitting capabilities
• Arroyo threw a complete game shutout 
• the Padres lost their win streak in true Padres fashion with a final score of 6-0

Words of Wisdom

If you want to grab the attention of a baseball player during BP, hang your boobs over the fence. It works. We totally got Kelly a ball and could have grabbed her a baseball player too but he didn't speak English and she isn't dumb enough to be one out of thirty-two...

Record: 34-51

Wait, Shit, Fuck, Dammit!! I'm So Confused!! Part One

Those seven words came out of my mouth countless times tonight. I was so conflicted with my cheering that even Reds fans thought I was one of their own. Sure walking into our section wearing my Reds Spring Training shirt probably didn't help or you know the yelling at Latos to part. I'm still not sure if the Reds fans sitting next to us figured out that I am a Padres fan first and for most of if they just thought I was a baseball fan in general. Of course I was yelling at Volquez during the game and doing my best to cheer for the Padres even though Latos started. There were a few times during the same plate appearance that I went from cheering for Latos to cheering for whoever we had up. I told you I was very confused. There were times when I would finally cheer for Volquez because he recorded and out until I realized the out was Cozart then my confusion returned with "It's about damn time!! Oh shit, that was Cozart, dammit!!" All of that confusion paled in comparison when Heisey made an outstanding catch to rob Everth of a hit... at least I think it was Everth. I let out a huge "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!" when that happened but I still don't know if that was a yell of "fuck you" proportions or if it was a yell of "holy shit that was amazing but why couldn't it have happened against a different team" proportions. Either was I legitimately confused for the next ten minutes because of it. If it weren't for the rest of the shit that went on with a bullshit out call on Cam at first and the Padres hitting a couple homes runs to win their sixth, yes I said sixth, game in a row I'm sure I'd still be trying to figure it out. I find it ironic that the only people to hit home runs tonight were the Padres. Look at the Reds lineup then look at ours, they definitely should have been able to crush a ball or two. I will however say I was not any kid of okay with Everth's bat flip after he hit the game winning home run. Usually I would have been all for that and would have taken it as excitement but for some reason tonight I took that more as a "fuck you" than a celebration... probably because of all this confusion. All in all I love that we have figured out this winning thing BUT I hate that it's coming right before the All-Star break. We all know what happens when the Padres have time off when they start to get hot. Padres won 2-1 to take their sixth straight win and hopefully I won't be as confused the rest of the series but it is me and you never know what I am capable of.

Record 34-50

Edit: Apparently Everth didn't hit a game winning home run but a game winning single instead... or double, I don't even know anymore. I could have sworn he hit a home run too, which just makes it that much more disappointing that there was that dramatic bat flip. Whatever, we won and that's all that matters.

Five Straight Including a Sweep?! Get the Fuck Out

I know it's the Fourth of July but is it really necessary for all the super cheesy graphics today?? Chase starts the game off early with an RBI triple to hopefully make us continue this win streak and sweep the D-Backs. Marquis apparently didn't want the Padres to keep the lead for long because five batters into the first inning he gave up a three run home run to make it a 3-1 game, fail. Alonso drives in a run in the top of the third on a long single making it 3-2. Thank God his fat ass was able to crawl back to first after he slipped or I would have had to yell at him and I haven't eaten enough today to be able to have all my colorful terms ready for that. Cabrera scores on an RBI double by Marquis to tie the game. Unfortunately Marquis tried to stretch it into a triple and was out at third to end the inning.

Alexi scores Deno to make it 4-3 Padres in the seventh with an RBI double and the D-Backs seem to be having issues throwing on-line in attempts to get an out at home. The D-Backs tie the game in the bottom of the seventh and I'd assume Marquis will be pulled after the go ahead run comes around to score. Oh hey, I was wrong. Black actually pulled someone before it was too late. Zona stole second because Baker's accuracy was about as good as mine. Then Enberg tried to give them a two run home run on a foul ball that didn't clear the wall, hashtag old man issues.

Finally they put Grandal in the game, I was over Baker. I know this is like three home runs too late but I just got reminded by Enberg about what I'm going to say. I've always felt like the catcher should be your best batter because they are more used to recognizing pitches so the fact that Grandal has been doing as well as he has so far proves my thought right. On the flip side Nick doing as shitty as he has proves my thought wrong. I'm going to continue to think the catcher is the best batter because it makes perfect sense to me. Before I could even finish typing that sentence Grandal hits a two run jack to give the Padres the 6-4 lead in the top of the eighth. Deno had a hell of a night tonight, 4 for 5?! Holy shit. Deno comes around to score on an error off a bunt by Team Fun Size making it 7-4.. hahahaha 7-4, July 4th.. fitting. Alonso drove in Alexi and took away my brilliant idea for a title. I was thinking "Padres win 7-4 on 7/4, Suck it D-Bags". Stephen Drew had an RBI double making it 8-5 in the bottom of the ninth with no outs. Seriously, Padres, did you forget how to get outs?? Not okay. What is okay is that the Padres won 8-6 to make it their fifth in a row and a sweep over the D-backs. SUCK IT, ZONA!!

Record: 33-50

Four in a Row. I Repeat, Four in a Row!!

Moments after I voiced my lack of interest in watching tonight's game, via twitter, Alonso decides to make it worth watching and hits a two run home run to give the Padres the 2-0 lead in the second. Me gusta mucho. Welp, Cashner's run as a starting pitcher has already been derailed. He apparently felt something in his arm during a warm-up toss before the third inning started. Is it that time for every one else to start blaming the training staff and strength and conditioning coaches or is it still just me?? There have been way too many injuries for it to be a coincidence. I think I mentioned this in one of my previous posts but I'm thinking that after the first handful of injuries the training staff/strength and conditioning coaches maybe have been overwhelmed and caused them to not be able to do their job as efficiently as in the past which just leads to a domino effect of injured players. Cashner ended up leaving the game with what turned out to be a strained lat and the Marks along with Enberg gave what I determined was the shittiest and most rapey anatomy lesson ever. 


Ohlendorf took over for Cashner and was getting the job done... with the bat, as he laid down what I can only assume was a perfect suicide squeeze since Cam did come around to score from third. Alexi scored Everth with a bases loaded single. Chase blew the game open with a bases clearing double to make it 7-0. Jesus, Padres, what has gotten into you?! I like it, I like it a lot. Have I mentioned all of this was done on one out?? If you don't know I enjoy Stephen Drew and wish the Padres would have grabbed him when we had the chance to so clearly I've missed him and am very disappointed they don't replay his injury every time he's up like they do Posey's. At least Drew's was fun and twisty and all "hey look my foot is backwards!!". In the fifth inning, the Padres added on a run thanks to an error. Seriously, where have these Padres been hiding?! Or did we just reach the magic number in injured players that turns the team into a team that knows what they are doing?? 


As I was about to write that the D-Backs were trying to make it interesting, they decide trying wasn't good enough and CRUSHED a grand slam, so much for us raping them. I was literally yelling "OH NO" over and over before that ball left the field. Can someone tell the Padres it's okay to score rape and for future reference let them know it's not okay to be score raped?? Thanks. Guzman put the Padres back out of slam range with a solo shot of his own to make it 9-4. Umm since when did we learn how to hit home runs this consistently?! That home run marks 14 for the road trip which is as many as we have hit at home all season. That's just not okay. Luke is having some issues and gives up the D-Backs fifth run to make it 9-5 and put them back in slam range. Not. Okay. However, the Padres win 9-5 to give us what is the longest win streak we have had all season with 4 straight wins. Holy fuck, four in a row. Let that sink in as we go for win number 5 tomorrow and fight to stay out of the cellar.

Record: 32-50

The Cycle's a Myth, Grandal and Alexi Are Beastly and I've Overused the Word "Bro"

So I come home from the movies, turn the game on and the Padres are winning 1-0 in the fourth... this is new. The next thing I know, Cam is hitting a solo shot to make it 2-0. What the hell is going on right now, bro?! As if that wasn't enough Alexi hits a two run double and it's now 4-0 Padres. THEN Grandal jacks a home run for himself to make it 5-0. Seriously, bro, what the hell is going on?! Maybe I need to go watch Magic Mike before every game because they clearly felt the need to put on a show better than Channing Tatum's stripper routines. The D-Backs scored two but I don't care because I have just been informed that Alexi is a triple shy of the cycle AND will have one more appearance in this game. In true Padres fashion we didn't get the cycle and I still believe it's a myth. Alonso was up with bases loaded and two outs and walks to score the sixth run. Sweet deal, bro. What wasn't a sweet deal, bro, was sending Quentin only to be out by a gazillion feet. As much as I'd hate to encourage anything Bryce Harper now but the fact that people were asking, myself included, why we sent Quentin is a clown question, bro. Clayton is playing the best I have seen him all season and was one strike away from a complete game. Unfortunately he gave up a hit and got pulled. I was really hoping he would get a complete game but it's okay, I'm just glad he's playing like the guy I used to love watching pitch. The Padres win 6-2 and we have a three game win streak to work with. Yay for momentum, bro!!

Record: 31-50

Padres Take Two From the Rockies, I'll Take It

So far this game has been incredibly boring and the only thing that I have to even write about is the fact that Mark Grant said the word "sticky" and I immediately thought "sticky-icky". Then Masur said "power stroke" and I couldn't stop laughing just because of how wrong it sounded and typing it now made me think "vinegar stroke" if you don't get that one, watch the League. Way for having this be any kind of related to baseball.

On a series of unfortunate events for the Rockies, the Padres got two extra outs and a free run in for the first run of the game. This "intention to hit" shit is beginning to get annoying. What the hell are they supposed to do, stand there looking pretty?! That's my job. Four and a third innings into this game and I'm so ready to go back to bed. This series against the Rockies might have been one of the most boring series I have ever seen the teams play in Colorado. The previous two games were more or less blowout wins which just makes it fun for one teams fan base.

Because there is nothing worth writing about so far for this game I suppose I'll throw my two cents in on the Padres representative for the All Star game, Huston Street. This is his first All Star game and it makes me wonder if he would have made it with a different team or if the only reason he made it was because the Padres have to have someone there to represent the team. I'm sticking with the latter. The Padres default representative is always our closer. At this point I'd almost rather us not have anyone than have a default player.

Deno had a two out RBI to score Alexi from third, making it a 2-0 game in seven. In the next half inning Alexi showed why he should be an every day starter. I'd elaborate but people keep sending me gymnastics injury clips and stupid soccer player mishaps on twitter so that's where my attention has gone. Padres win 2-0 and take the series. On to Zona!!

Record: 30-50